A Guide to Being Just Friends(93)

He dropped his hands but Hailey wasn’t done. “Wes, you’re scared. I think you care about me more than you want to. Isn’t it possible that you’re just afraid to admit how you really feel? To me and to yourself?” His behavior, his words—not at this particular moment but usually—suggested that he could love her. That he might already.

Wes stared at her like she’d lost her mind. “You don’t make any sense. You sell salads but eat sugar, you’d give the shirt off your back to anyone but get mad when I step up to help, you’ve been on the wrong side of love but still throw the word around like a na?ve person who doesn’t know any better.”

Hailey tossed her purse to the couch and stepped into his space. She wanted to touch him, pull him close, make him feel what she felt. Instead, she worked to gentle her tone. “Believing in love doesn’t make me na?ve. It makes me brave. The fact that I was hurt makes me stronger, more sure of what I want. I’m not afraid to ask for it or want it. You think you can slot everything into its own box but life doesn’t work like that. I don’t work like that.”

“You’re supposed to learn from your mistakes,” he said haughtily.

All gentleness fled. Hailey’s heart fell right down to her shoes. She squared her shoulders. “Screw you, Wes. I did learn. I learned that I’d rather get hurt again than be too damn scared to feel anything real. All the money, the investments, the control over your feelings you’re so proud of? Those things seem safe but playing it that way makes you a coward. If you can’t give yourself completely, let yourself fall even if it means you break, you’ll never be truly happy. And if you can’t at least try, we aren’t going to work out.”

His hand clenched and unclenched. She saw the tightness in his stance, the coldness in his gaze. “I hate to be the one to tell you this but love and happiness rarely go hand in hand.”

He walked out before she could ask him to go. When the door closed behind him, Hailey stood there, wondering how the hell everything had changed. She didn’t realize she was crying until the tears fell to her chest, rolling along her skin. She continued to stand there, frozen. What had she said to him? That she’d rather hurt than not try? Well, you tried.

Lowering herself to the corner of the couch, she tucked her knees up so she could wrap her arms around them. She squeezed tighter, trying to lessen the impact, but there was no way. There was no way not to feel every word he’d said, the look in his eyes and the realization that not only could he not love her back, if given the choice, he wouldn’t.

Was this better? Feeling this way? Like her heart was paper being torn apart, every shred landing in a discarded pile on the floor? She felt like she was watching herself from outside her body. Through the trembling and the tears, she knew, deep down, on some level, that she’d be okay. But she’d never be the same.





40


Hailey grinned at the customer until her cheeks ached. “Thanks for coming in.” She started cleaning the counter as Leo came back from his break.

“Hey. I’m going to head out to do the deliveries,” he said.

Turning her head, she nodded. “Great. Can you make sure to drop the envelope I tucked in the box with Rob at the gym? He wants to expand his order.”

Leo nodded, hung up his apron. “You bet. You okay, Miss Hailey?”

Pushing her smile back in place, she looked at him. “I’m fine, why?”

“I just … I don’t know, you seem different.” He shrugged.

Different? Like what? Like someone had plucked her heart out of her chest and she was now operating at a deficiency? She pictured one of Wes’s games where every time she lost, one little red heart disappeared. She nearly laughed at her own thoughts.

“Nope. I’m good. Thanks for doing the deliveries.”

He stared at her a moment longer then left through the kitchen. She was dicing cucumber when Tara walked through the door. She’d purposefully avoided Piper’s and Fiona’s texts because she was no longer in a place in her life where she was going to let a little thing like having her heart obliterated derail her goals.

She was fine.

“Hey, Tara. How’s it going?”

Tara’s brown curls framed her round face. Hailey had slight eyelash envy and considered asking where she got them done.

“Hi. I’m good. How are you?” She had a paper in her hand.

Hailey came around the counter, leaving the veggies, wiping her hands on her apron. “I’m good. Things are busy. What’s that?” She gestured to the paper.

“Esther had the idea to do a newsletter for the shops. We thought it would be a good way to do specials, share upcoming promotions, and get the word out. I wanted to show you and get some ideas of what you’d like to add.”

Taking the paper, she looked over the layout, saw the examples others had put for their shops. Two for One Tuesday was advertised at several of the shops.

“This is really great. It’s a wonderful idea. You could put these flyers somewhere like Rob’s gym or other high-volume places.”

Tara nodded. “That’s a great idea. Do you want in on the Tuesday specials?”

Hailey wiped her hands on her apron again. “Actually, do you have a minute? I wanted to ask you about something.”