A Family Affair(52)

And fast. Bam. He hadn’t waited for her because he’d been so desperate and needy, so he tried to slow down long enough to at least give her some pleasure. Thankfully she was in as bad a state as he was and he felt those spasms he knew so well.

“Ahhh, there you go,” he said very softly, covering her face with tender kisses.

They collapsed in each other’s arms. Her head lay upon his chest and she ran her fingers through the hair on his chest; he loved it when she did that. “I think we managed to last all of five minutes,” he said.

She looked up at him. “I guess you haven’t been seeing anyone else.”

“Of course not,” he said. Then as if he surprised himself, “You haven’t, have you?”

“No, but I was getting ready to. Or put it this way, if you were gone, I wasn’t going to sulk and whimper. I wasn’t going to wait and see if you ever came back.”

“Jenn, I was just screwed up. Depressed, I think. And stupid.”

“And are you back now?”

“I guess. But I’m still messed up and unsure about our future.”

She wrestled free of his embrace and grabbed her T-shirt off the floor and pulled it over her head. She sat on the bed beside him; he was stretched out long and lean, his hands behind his head. He was completely naked and her overlong T-shirt covered her nudity. She sat cross-legged.

“Listen, if we had just been dating casually and you hit this period of confusion and depression and needed a break to figure things out after your dad’s death, I’d just say okay, good luck, and back away quietly. But we were different. We were past all that. We were committed, looking for a larger condo so we could move in together and we were planning to get engaged. We picked out rings and were saving to pay for them. We said we loved each other, that we trusted each other, that we were going to have a family together.”

“That we were taking it slow,” he reminded her.

“Because of our budget. Two teachers can’t afford to leap into a fast marriage before they can pay the bills.”

“We were going to get married in about two years,” he said. “Lately I’ve been doubting everything.”

“I didn’t sense doubt just now.”

“You know what I mean. I just need a little break! Some time alone to get my head together.”

“For an unspecified length of time?” she asked. “You wanted to shut it down. Until you wanted sex! I think you overlooked the part about being together in good times and bad. You came over to talk and had me naked in sixty seconds.”

“You didn’t fight that,” he pointed out.

“So now are you going to go away for a month until you get horny again? And then tell me you might’ve made a mistake until you get laid again? Michael, I’m sorry for your loss and I’m more than willing to do whatever I can to help you get through it but you have to decide—are you in or out? I don’t want to be your booty call!”

“You’re more than a booty call,” he said defensively. “I think of you as my very good... My only best... The only girl I’m... You know.”

“The only woman you’re currently having sex with?”

“That, for sure,” he said. “Here’s what might work. Let’s go back to just dating. Seeing each other, for lack of a better term. Let’s scrap the plans, the rings, the bigger condo, all that, and just be with each other. Maybe we’ll get back to all the other stuff later.”

“Later? Like in six months?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he said. “We’ll play it by ear. We’ll start over! A new beginning.”

“Except in this beginning, before we say I love you or I want to be with you forever, we’ll go ahead and have sex. Like whenever you feel the need.”

“Or you feel the need,” he said gamely.

“So instead of honoring our commitment and taking it from there, like maybe going to counseling to help you with your issues, we’ll just wipe out the plans and promises and jump right into being intimate with no strings?”

“You make it sound kind of heartless, but yeah—no strings. But of course I wouldn’t date anyone but you.”

She gave a sarcastic laugh. “That’s awful giving of you, Michael. Sounds a little like a man negotiating a divorce and saying, ‘I hope we can be friends.’ And ‘friends with benefits wouldn’t hurt.’”

“You’re being very cold,” he said. “I do love you, you know.”

“Oops,” she cautioned. “If you want to start over, you can’t say that yet. Have you by any chance talked to a professional about this problem you’ve had since your dad’s accident? You must know a ton of therapists.”

“Jenn, I just need a little space...”

“And just what do you intend to do with this space since you’ve done nothing so far?”

He propped himself up on his elbows. He crossed his long legs at the ankles. “I think you’re being deliberately difficult.”

She laughed, but not for long. “I’m going to take a shower. A long one. When I get out, be gone. And don’t take my lasagna. I’m not looking for a good friend and occasional sex. I’m looking for a man who keeps his word and would go to any lengths to work out anything we, as a couple, might face. Oh, and also a man who is at least as concerned about what I might be going through, being dumped twice in one month. Believe it or not, I had to sweep up the pieces of my heart the last time you said, ‘Let’s forget all our plans and promises until maybe never.’” She got up and walked with dignity wearing only her T-shirt. She went into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it.