A Different Blue(36)

I didn't answer. I hadn't wanted to die. Not exactly. I just wanted to see Jimmy again.

“I want to see my dad again.”

Cheryl eyed me, her mouth puckered around her cigarette. She seemed to be considering what I had

said, weighing it out in her mind. She finally sighed and stubbed her cigarette out on the base

of my lamp, scattering ashes over my nightstand.

“You know he ain't your dad, right? I mean. He was like a dad. But he wasn't your dad.”

I sat up in my bed and stared at her, hating her, loathing her, wondering why she would be

saying such awful things to me, especially today, of all days.

“Don't look at me like that. I'm not tryin' to hurt you. You just gotta know what's what. Jimmy

told me he ate at a truck stop in Reno, a place where he sold some of his carvings. He said

you'd been asleep, just a little thing, barely more than a baby, all huddled in a corner booth,

waiting for your mother who was playing the slots. He said he didn't know who you belonged to.

You remember Jimmy. Wouldn't yell help if his clothes were on fire. He sat there with you, gave

you some of his dinner. He said you didn't cry, and you didn't seem afraid of him. He sat with

you for quite a while, even whittled a doll for you.” Cheryl lit another cigarette and inhaled

deeply. She nodded toward my dresser. “It's that one. The one you have there.”

I began to shake my head, denying her story, denying her the ability to take him away from me in

the way she seemed intent on doing. But she persisted, and I listened helplessly.

“He said you just watched him, and you gobbled up the french fries he offered. Your mother came

back eventually. Jimmy said he was sure she'd be angry that he was sitting there with you. But

he said she seemed nervous and kind of jittery and surprised more than anything.

[page]“The next morning, he found you inside his truck. He said the handle on the passenger

side was busted and he couldn't lock it, making it easy for her to get in. The windows had been

rolled down a few inches, and you were laying there on the front seat. Luckily, it was fairly

early in the morning when he found you. Jimmy said it was hot and your mother was a fool for

leaving you inside the cab of a truck, even with the windows cracked. But maybe she was wasted

or strung out. You had a backpack stuffed with a few clothes and the little doll he'd carved.

Why she left you there, he didn't know. Maybe she thought he'd be nice to you. Maybe there was

no one else and she was desperate. But she obviously followed him and at some point in the night

left you there. He went back to the truck stop where he had first seen you and your mother. But

she wasn't there, and he was afraid to ask questions, not wantin' to draw attention to himself.

“So the damn fool kept you. He shoulda gone to the police the first thing. After a few days,

the cops showed up and asked the truck stop manager some questions. The manager was a friend of

Jimmy's so Jimmy asked what the hub bub was about. Apparently the body of a woman had been found

at a local hotel. They printed up some pictures from her driver's license and had left one there

with the manager to put up at the truck-stop. One of those 'if-you-have-any-information-call-

this-number flyers' the police sometimes put out. It was your mother. When Jimmy saw that, it

scared him to death, and he moved on and took you with him. I don't know why he didn't just