A Different Blue(35)

nobody.

I had been weak, and I had been small. The memory rose up like a black cloud. I guess I had

fallen asleep wedged between the sink and the toilet because the next thing I knew, Donnie was

back. He had yanked at my legs, pulling me out from my hiding spot with little effort. I had

shrieked and kicked and scrambled for the door. The floor was wet and I slipped, and Donnie

slid, his arms pinwheeling as he tried to step back from me. I raced to my room with Donnie at

my heels. Terror choked me, and I couldn't scream. I slammed the door and locked it and tried to

shimmy under my bed, but it was too close to the ground and my head wouldn't fit. There was no

place to hide. Donnie was shoving at the door. I scrambled to my drawers and yanked a big t-

shirt over my head and grabbed the wooden snake that sat atop my dresser.

[page]“I just want to make sure you're okay, Blue,” Donnie lied. I had seen his face when he

looked at me, and I knew he was lying. Then door crashed against the adjacent wall, and Donnie

was framed in the doorway. The boom made me jump, and I dropped the snake.

“Are you crazy?” Donnie yelled. He held out his hands in front of him as if he had cornered a

wild animal. He moved toward me slowly, his palms up.

“I talked to Cheryl. She said you had some bad news today. That's gotta be tough, kid. I'm

gonna stay with you until she gets home, all right? Just go on and climb in bed. Your lips are

all blue.”

I leaned down and picked up my snake, holding onto the edge of my t-shirt so it didn't ride up

and reveal the bareness beneath. The smooth heft of wood felt good in my hands. Donnie stopped

moving.

“I'm not going to hurt you, Blue. I'm just here to make sure you're okay, okay?”

I turned and raced to my bed, diving in and pulling the covers up to my chin. I clutched the

snake under the covers. I watched Donnie approach. He eased himself down on the edge of my bed.

He leaned toward my nightstand and switched off the lamp. I screamed. The lamp immediately came

back on.

“Stop that!” he barked.

“Leave the light on,” I panted.

“Okay, okay,” he rushed. “I'm just gonna sit here with you until you fall asleep.”

I turned onto my side toward the wall, my back to Donnie, squeezing my eyes shut and wrapping

myself around the long, twisting snake that was growing warm in my grip. Wood was like that,

warm and smooth. Jimmy said it was because wood was once a living thing. I felt a hand in my

hair and stiffened, my eyes snapping open.

“When I was little, my mom used to rub my back sometimes to help me fall asleep.” Donnie's

voice was soft. “I could rub your back, like this.” His moved his hand to my shoulder. He

carefully moved it in little circles across my upper back. It felt nice. I said nothing, my

attention focused on those circles and the hand that traveled back and forth.

I eventually fell asleep to the gentle ministrations against my back. Donnie had comforted me

and soothed me with his touch. And I had so badly needed comfort. When Cheryl came home she

awakened both of us. Donnie had fallen asleep in the chair by my bed. Cheryl kicked him out and

took his place on the chair, lighting a cigarette in shaking hands.

“Donnie told me he thinks you tried to kill yourself tonight. Why would you do somethin' like

that?”