A Different Blue(164)

continued to work as a liason for Indian Affairs. And in 1980 President Carter signed

legislation that restored federal recognition to the Paiute tribes and called for a Paiute

Reservation. I like to think I had something to do with it. It made the mess I'd made of my

personal life a little easier to bear.”

“But what about Jimmy?” I whispered, stunned that he might have never even known he had a

child. The Jimmy I knew had lived so simply and had had so little. I felt anger rise in my chest

at this woman who had never even told him about his daughter.

“I didn't know how to find him, Blue. I should have tried harder, I know. But it was a

different time. In the 1970s, you didn't just make a quick phone call to an Indian reservation.

In fact, you can hardly do that now! I managed some contact with Jimmy's mother, but she died a

few years after Winona was born. Jimmy's brother said he didn't know where he was. I was pretty

conflicted. I loved Jimmy, but I had traded him for my dreams . . . and I lost him. I thought

someday we would find each other again, and maybe I would be able to explain.”

“Maybe Winona did find him,” Wilson pondered out loud. “She was seen in Oklahoma. Why else

would she have gone to Oklahoma?”

“But . . . I don't think Jimmy ever went back. She wouldn't have found him there,” Stella

protested, clearly befuddled by it all.

“But she wouldn't have known that, would she? Is there any way she might have discovered who

her father was?”

“My dad passed away when Winnie was fifteen, and my mother died the very next year. Their

deaths were very hard on Winnie. I decided it was time to tell her that I was her mother. I

thought it would make her feel less alone, not moreso. I don't seem to have very good instincts

with such things because she didn't deal with it well. She wanted to know everything about her

father . . . about why he didn't stick around. I had to explain that it was my fault. But I

could tell she didn't believe me. I showed her some pictures of him. I wonder if she was the one

who took these.” Stella fingered the empty squares as she continued with her story.

“She started acting out in school. She had some run-ins with the police over drugs. It wasn't

long after that she got pregnant. All talk of her father ceased. And I thought she had let it

go, that she'd moved on to other concerns. We never spoke of her father again.”

Stella Hidalgo began putting the photo album back in the box when she hesitated and felt around

the box, pulling various items from inside.

“The letters are gone,” she announced and looked up at me. “The letters are gone! I kept all

of Jimmy's letters. They were here. I haven't opened this box since I showed Winona those

pictures more than twenty years ago.”

“The letters would have given her some valuable information, including a return address,”

Wilson proposed. Stella nodded, and she was silent while she digested the possibility that

Winona had gone looking for her father.

“The last time I talked to Winnie, she kept ranting about men who never take responsibility . .

. about the injustices of life.” Stella's voice was thoughtful, and her expression suggested

she was examining the memory. “I just thought she was talking about Ethan. She said she was

going to confront him and make him answer for what he'd done. I thought she was talking about