You Were Mine (Rosemary Beach #9)(39)

Luckily, Woods and Della weren’t dancing. They were talking with Rush and Blaire. I slipped around the side so I didn’t have to walk through the tables and speak to anyone. Rush’s gaze found me first. My wrinkled shirt didn’t go unnoticed, and his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Where you been?” he asked in a slow, amused drawl when I finally reached them.

The other three pairs of eyes swung to look at me. Woods didn’t look thrilled, but Della seemed to be OK about my leaving Charity. A smile tugged on her lips.

“Your, uh, um,” Blaire stammered, looking at my wrinkled shirt. She glanced at Rush for help.

He chuckled at her reaction, and Blaire’s eyes went wide with understanding.

“Did you and, uh, Charity hit it off, then?” Blaire asked, her voice sounding unsure.

Charity? Fuck no.

“He abandoned Charity a while ago,” Woods said in an annoyed tone.

Della looked up at him and slapped his chest. “He did not. He talked to her, and she told him to go. It’s OK now, you don’t have to be upset with him.”

Woods looked relieved. “Good. Let’s not set him up on a date again. Too much damn stress.”

Della laughed and turned her gaze back to me. “Sorry about all that. I was trying to be helpful. I didn’t know . . .” She trailed off.

“It’s OK. I know, and I appreciate the thought. Uh, listen, tonight’s been great, and I’m really happy for y’all. But Bethy had to go back to her hut, and I’m going to make sure she gets there safely.”

Rush tried to smother his laugh with a cough. Woods didn’t even try. Assholes. They could at least pretend to believe me for the women’s sake.

“Oh, of course. Tell Bethy thank you for everything, and if we don’t see y’all in the morning before we take off, we’ll see you when we get back from our honeymoon,” Della said.

“Have fun,” I told her, then glanced over at Blaire, whose curiosity was all over her face. If I didn’t get out of there fast, she was going to start asking questions.

“You, too,” Woods replied with a smirk.

Before they could see the grin on my face, I turned and headed for the exit.

Bethy was sitting in the lounger outside her hut as I walked up. She was lost in her thoughts. It didn’t look like she had even gone inside. The heels she’d been wearing were dangling from her fingers, but other than that, she hadn’t changed. Fear of where her thoughts might be swept over me.

I sat down beside her, but she didn’t look at me. Not a good sign. I wanted to reach over and take her hand, but I was afraid she would bolt. I was helpless again. I knew this feeling well.

“He looked like you,” she said softly as she watched the water sparkle under the moonlight. “The first day he noticed and flirted with me, all I saw was you. The way he smiled, how his eyes danced with amusement. He was so much like you.” She stopped and looked at me. A sadness in her eyes I couldn’t reach tore me apart. “I slept with him the first time because of you. I missed you so much.”

She needed to do this, but I wasn’t sure I could sit through it.

“But he wasn’t like you. Not really. He was his own self. His smile was more crooked, and he was playful. Less serious. He loved me, and because of that, I fell in love with him. I was scared at first, to love again. I knew how bad it hurt in the end.”

My hands fisted as I forced myself to breathe.

“His love was easy, and he made me feel like the most important thing in his life. I’d never had that before.”

Because I’d left her. I hadn’t stayed.

“Losing him, losing what we had, was . . .” She dropped her head into her hands and took a deep breath. “It changed me. It almost destroyed me. I don’t know if I’ll ever find that girl I once was again. The girl I became with Jace.” Finally, she turned her head to look at me. “You and I had history. A past that needed closure. I was so afraid when you came back that I loved you more. That I would always love you more. You terrified me. I was so afraid I’d lose what I had with Jace because when I looked at you, my heart did things I hadn’t felt in a long time.”

She reached up and wiped away a tear that had escaped and rolled down her cheek. If I could go back and change the past, I would. Anything to take this away from her.

“I’ll have to live with the fact that my stupidity took his life. That guilt will never go away. I was drinking to numb the memories. I knew I needed to tell Jace the truth about us and the pregnancy, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to hate me. I was afraid I’d lose his love. The way he looked at me like I was the only one in the world for him. But if I could go back, I’d tell him. Even if he hated me for what I’d done, at least he’d still be alive. His laughter wouldn’t be gone . . .”

I reached over and covered her hands, which she was fisting together in her lap. Her body tensed under my touch, but she didn’t move away. I didn’t know what the right words were. All I knew was that Jace wouldn’t have wanted this. He didn’t die saving her so she could live with this guilt. “You were scared of losing the man you loved because of something from your past. Drinking too much to mask emotions you didn’t want to face is normal. People do it all the time. What happened with Jace was not your fault. It was an accident, Bethy. It was a tragic accident. You had been in that water after partying and drinking many times in your life. We all have. Hell, I went surfing at night drunk once. Is that safe? No. But you weren’t thinking clearly. Jace saw you go out there, and his only thought was to keep you safe. He never once thought about the danger of swimming out too deep or rip currents. He chose to save you and sacrifice himself. And I knew him well enough to know he didn’t want to save you so that you could live with this guilt and pain. He wanted you to have a life, Bethy. He wanted you to live. What you’ve been doing is not living.”