You Were Mine (Rosemary Beach #9)(21)

The night Bethy had become mine.

The girl’s finger stopped tracing the ink and fell away. She didn’t speak at first. I thought she’d walk away now. I expected her to.

“She hasn’t spoken to you all night. I thought you were single,” the server finally said.

“She has hated me for eight years. Doesn’t change anything,” I replied.

As if she could hear me from across the fire, Bethy’s gaze lifted and met mine. I watched as her chest rose and fell quickly. She shifted her eyes to the girl beside me before turning away. Her suddenly stiff posture didn’t worry me. In fact, I wanted to shout and pound my chest. Bethy was jealous. Or at least, she was affected by seeing me with someone else.

It was a start.

“She doesn’t look interested,” the girl said.

“Doesn’t change anything,” I repeated. Because it didn’t. I was done with shallow and meaningless.

The girl sighed and finally stepped away from me. “That’s a shame. We could have had fun.”

No. We could have had empty.

I let her walk away without acknowledging her last attempt to get my attention. Bethy didn’t look back at me. When she started to move, I took a step in that direction, too.

Before I could take another one, though, a hand landed on my shoulder. Turning back, I saw Rush standing there, and I wondered if he was here to try to kick my ass for talking to his wife the way I had earlier.

“Bethy,” he said, and I didn’t reply, because I wasn’t sure what he meant. “I heard what you told the server. The date on your arm. That was the summer before you left. You were talking about Bethy.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, but I didn’t stick around to answer any more questions. Bethy was headed for her hut out on the water.

“Well, now it all makes f*cking sense,” Rush muttered as I walked away.

Bethy didn’t seem to notice she was being followed. She kept her head down as she walked out over the water and passed my hut. I watched her glance at it, and I wondered if it had even occurred to her to see who was staying next door.

I walked up to my hut and stopped as she stood outside hers. She crossed her arms over her stomach as she looked out over the water. I moved behind the shade of the palm tree outside my door and watched as she let her head fall back and closed her eyes. I wished I could get her to talk to me. I wanted to tell her so much. I wanted to hold her and mourn what we had lost together. But more than anything, I wanted her in my life. Any way she’d allow.

“I know you’re there. You’re always there. I don’t know what to do with that, Tripp. I don’t know what to do about anything anymore.” Bethy’s words snapped me out of my inner thoughts, and I stepped out of what I thought was my hiding place.

She turned to look at me with so much pain in her eyes. I wanted to heal that. Take it away. “Talk to me,” I said.

Bethy shook her head and looked away. “Anything we’d say would hold so much hurt. Why do you want to bring it all up again?”

“It’s the first step to healing. And not everything is painful,” I reminded her. Because it wasn’t. We had memories that got me through some of the hardest times.

“You want that girl you left behind. I’m not her! Don’t you get it? She’s gone. I’ve lost her. I made choices that made me an awful person. I’m not worth all this time and energy you’re wasting.”

Fuck. I took a step toward her, and she took a step back. “You’re wrong there. I don’t want the sixteen-year-old girl I left behind. I want the woman she’s become. The kind, compassionate, faithful, strong woman I watch from afar every day of my life. I want her. Nothing ever changed for me. Not with you.”

Bethy let out a hard laugh that made me wince. It was laced with pain and anger. “I aborted my baby, Tripp. Our baby. Then I slept with guys who didn’t give a shit about me. Until Jace saw something worthwhile in me. He loved me. Then you walked back into Rosemary Beach, and my stupid heart picked up and came back to life. Jace loved me and wanted a life with me, but you were invading my dreams and thoughts. I can’t take that back. He’s gone, and I can’t make it right—”

“Stop. You were a kid, Bethy. A scared kid. And you did the only thing you knew to do. What your aunt wanted you to do. That decision was all my fault. All me, sweetheart. It was all me. That’s my cross to bear. Not yours. You slept with guys because you were trying to cover the pain. And Jace was smart enough to see the beauty inside you and want that in his life. You’re easy to love, Bethy. So damn easy to love. Jace got that. He loved you, and you loved him. Me coming back to town brought up old memories and things you wanted to forget. You didn’t betray Jace. You loved him. I was just a part of your past that you didn’t have closure on. So don’t blame yourself. Don’t think you did something wrong.”

Bethy’s tear-streaked face turned toward me. Her look told me that I was right, that I hadn’t been her only love. It was something I tried not to think about, because she was it for me. I’d never felt that way about anyone else. But she had. Her heart had moved on.

“I did love him,” she said with a sad smile. “I loved him so much. But when I saw you again, there was something in me that woke up. That’s something I have to live with. He deserved all of me, and he never had that.”