Within These Walls (Within These Walls #1)(16)

We’d never lived together. After graduation, we’d boxed everything up, and focused on finally moving in together, but first, we had a bit of fun planned.

After she’d died, I had nothing left of her and nowhere to go where she would still be present. Her parents had taken her ashes and buried them in a family plot near their home in Chicago. I was done with school and I didn’t want to go home because she wasn’t there. So, I never left California. I never left the hospital. I’d just roamed the halls until Margaret offered me a job.

That was why days off were so difficult. I had no life in California outside the hospital. It wasn’t just a job for me. It was where I felt most alive—or as alive as I could be anymore.

When the person you were meant to spend your life with died before that life had a chance to even begin, how would you survive? For me, I’d just kept putting one foot in front of the other, coming back to the place where I could feel her presence the most.

I was like a living ghost.

When I had days that were worse than others, I would find myself returning to that hallway, back to the room where I had held her hand, looked down at her battered and bruised body, and tried to will her back to life. Walking down the hospital halls now, I knew she wasn’t there anymore, but she had been once. If I closed my eyes, I could almost see her there.

That was kind of like living, wasn’t it?

In a desperate attempt to flee my dark thoughts and my empty apartment, I tried venturing out into the world on my second day off. Early that morning, I threw on a pair of shorts and an old T-shirt, slipped on my running shoes, and took off for the beach. It was at least five miles away from my apartment, which was absolutely perfect. I didn’t want to come back home until I was so exhausted that I could barely stand.

By about mile four, I’d established a nice rhythm, and my legs were burning. My feet hit the pavement, one after the other, and my mind went blank as I listened to the white noise around me. It was a weekday, so the streets were mostly absent of laughing and playing children, but there was still plenty of life to listen to. A group of mothers walked by, chatting about whatever it was that moms talked about, lawnmowers buzzed, and cars zoomed by. I let my mind zone out, and in what felt like a matter of minutes, I found myself staring out at the crystal-blue water of the Pacific.

It was early June. Even though California kids were still in school, the rest of the U.S. was happily enjoying summer vacation. It hadn’t quite reached peak season yet for tourism, but it was starting to. The Santa Monica Pier was busy today. I decided to steer clear of my normal run down the pier. Instead, I headed left to cool down and walk through the sand.

I kicked off my shoes and headed down to the water. The sand was warm from the heat of the sun, and I felt the stark contrast when the chilly water from the ocean hit my feet. The turquoise waves were endless, stretching out in every direction as far as my eyes could see. The rays from the sun above flickered and sparkled on the water as it danced its way back and forth to the shoreline.

I’d made it probably a quarter of a mile down the beach when I heard my name being yelled from behind me. I knew maybe four people in the entire LA area—five, if I included my pizza delivery guy—so at first, I didn’t respond. But how many people in the world were named Jude? My mother hadn’t exactly stuck with the top ten baby names.

I turned around and saw Dr. Marcus approaching me. With sand still in his hair, he was clad in a sleek black wet suit.

“Hey, J-Man!” he greeted me, giving me a hard wet pat on the back. His wet suit was unzipped to his waist, baring his tanned chest and surfer physique.

I had to give the man props. For a middle-aged dude, Dr. Marcus was built.

“What are you doing out in the sun and in my neck of the woods? Did you finally decide to take me up on my offer for surfing lessons?” he joked, grinning, as he looked at me through his shades.

I took a quick glance out towards the waves and shook my head. “Definitely not. I’ve still got a little too much New Yorker in me to surf any waves,” I joked. Immediately, I regretted my words. I’d never told Dr. Marcus where I was from. Trying to avoid any follow-up questions regarding my city of origin, I added, “Just out for a run, and I thought I’d cool down for a bit.”

“Nice. Well, I’m headed up, he said as his eyes drifted up to the boardwalk. “Waves are shit today. Want to grab a bite with me? They make great fish tacos.” He pointed to a Mexican place just up the way.

I hesitated, worried my little slip-up might bring on an onslaught of personal questions, but Dr. Marcus appeared to be nothing but genuine in his offer. In the many years we’d known each other, he never pressed me for personal information. I didn’t know why, but I was suddenly paranoid he would do so now.

“Sure. Sounds good,” I answered.

We stopped at his truck, and he did that magical quick-change thing that surfers did. Less than two minutes later, he was out of his wet suit and sporting a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I looked down at my trashy T-shirt and thought about the fact that I’d run five miles here, so I probably didn’t smell too great.

As we walked through the parking lot and entered the restaurant though, I felt the tension ease.

The place was small and had maybe four tables that were all mismatched green and white plastic with a few similar tables outside. The menu was written with a dry-erase marker on a white board, and no one spoke a single world of English. With the laid-back and casual atmosphere, I figured my less than stellar appearance wouldn’t be an issue.