Whispers in the Dark (KGI #4)(32)

“Cut him some slack. He’s fighting for what’s left of his sanity,” Swanny cut in.

Everyone turned to Swanny in surprise. He was a man of few words. Sam couldn’t remember him ever willingly volunteering information. He was a “speak only when spoken to” person and sometimes not even then.

Donovan’s arms dropped and he stepped forward, his focus solely on Swanny. “Do you know something, Swanny? One of the last things Nathan said to me was that before he could commit to KGI he had to do something. He wouldn’t tell me what. Clammed up tight when I pressed. Next thing I know, he freaks out and hops a jet to California?”

Swanny lowered his head and grasped the back of his neck. He looked indecisive, as if he wasn’t sure whether to betray his loyalty to Nathan. Sam understood that. He did. But f**k it. Nathan was his brother and he needed help whether the stubborn son of a bitch wanted it or not.

“Tell us, Swanny. Whatever you know. Now isn’t the time to hold out. Nathan could be in trouble. We aren’t going to let him go off half-cocked.”

Swanny stared up at Sam. “You don’t understand. How could you? We were in the worst sort of hell. We weren’t living day to day or even hour to hour. We survived minute by excruciating minute. The next day was an eternity away and we didn’t want it. Death wasn’t the enemy. It was our salvation. Our hope. Because only then would we be able to escape our reality.”

Sam’s gut clenched. His mom let out a soft cry of distress and turned her face into Frank’s chest. Tears glimmered in Rusty’s eyes and Rachel looked haunted by past demons. Demons Nathan had firsthand knowledge of now.

Garrett’s and Ethan’s expressions were grim. Every member of the family was pained by the heart-wrenching words that faltered from Swanny’s lips.

Sam knew Nathan had suffered. Maybe he’d never know the extent or what Nathan had been chipped away to by the animals who held him. But he knew his brother suffered because he saw the pain and the isolation in Nathan’s eyes every single day since his return.

“Is there more, Swanny?” Donovan asked in a quiet voice.

Swanny looked agonized. His jaw clenched and he glanced at all of Nathan’s family, member by member, as if weighing whether or not to tell.

Sam took a step toward the man who meant so much to Nathan. Whom Nathan had protected, demanded that he be tended to before Nathan himself.

“Swanny, we want to help him, but we can’t if we don’t know everything. You aren’t betraying him. You have to know that.”

“I could be condemning him in your eyes,” Swanny said gruffly.

“Never,” Garrett ground out. “I don’t care what you tell us. He’s our brother. That doesn’t change just because he’s been changed.”

To Sam’s surprise, Rachel rose from the couch where she sat with Ethan. Her eyes were troubled and her hands shook as she stepped toward Swanny. Then she touched his arm, her expression understanding.

“It’s about her, isn’t it?”

Relief swamped over Swanny’s face. He all but sagged. “He talked to you about her?”

There was hope in his voice that if Nathan had shared whatever it was with Rachel, then it wasn’t solely Swanny’s burden to keep his secrets.

Rachel nodded. “He said she talked to him. That she sent Donovan the email telling him where to find you and Nathan.”

Donovan’s head shot up, and he was about to explode with questions, but Sam flung his hand out to silence his brother, his expression fierce. Donovan’s lips tightened but he settled back and didn’t interrupt.

“Did he…Did he tell you everything?” Swanny hedged.

“I’m sure he didn’t. He was very closed-mouthed about it all. But you aren’t betraying him, Swanny. No more than I betray him by relating all he told me. We’re his family and we love him. We only want to help. Not condemn. It doesn’t matter to us what’s happened, or whether he thinks he’s crazy. We know he’s not. But he needs our help.”

Sweet, loving Rachel. It was like watching beauty tame a wild beast.

“Swanny, whatever it is you tell us, we’re not going to condemn, judge or otherwise decide anything about Nathan other than we want to make damn sure he’s safe and has the help he needs,” Sam said. He eyeballed his brothers, making sure they understood the implied command.

“Her name is Shea,” Swanny finally said. “I know nothing about her other than she talked to Nathan while we were held captive. According to Nathan, she took his pain for him. She even endured a torture session, shielding it and taking it for him. Don’t ask me how. I don’t know. It all sounds like bullshit, right? But Nathan took more torture than any of us. They worked harder on him. And when they finally decided they couldn’t break him, they used him to try to break me. Only Nathan got us out of there. I was injured. I was bleeding internally. I couldn’t breathe and I knew I was going to get us both killed. I asked him to leave me. He put his hands on me, and I swear to God, he did something to heal me.”

The looks on his brothers’ faces ranged from incredulity, to doubt, to “What is this dude smoking?” Sam shook his head in warning again. Hell yeah, it sounded crazy. He couldn’t even wrap his head around it. But the important thing was that Nathan believed it. Swanny believed it. And now Nathan had gone off after his imaginary woman?