Whispers in the Dark (KGI #4)(27)

“What are you going to do?”

Nathan leaned back and pulled the sleeping bag around him as he settled down once more. “I don’t know. What can I do? I know nothing about her. Just her name, and she begged me not to tell anyone about her. If I tell what I know, I could endanger her. I don’t know enough to find her.”

“That’s f**ked up.”

“You don’t think I’m batshit crazy?”

“Nah. In a weird way it makes total sense. I have no idea how it’s possible. Maybe we’re both crazy. But I know what I felt. I know that whatever she did, she saved us both. Instead of spending time worrying that I lost my marbles, I’m just going to be damned grateful she did what she did.”

Nathan chuckled. “You certainly have a way with words, Swanny. The hell of it is you make complete sense.”

“I do that every once in a while.”

Nathan laughed again, and some of the tension seeped from his bones, leaving him exhausted and barely able to remain awake.

He relaxed and closed his eyes, but he was haunted by the music of her voice and memory of her warmth and gentle touch.

I’ll find you, Shea. Somehow, someway, we’re going to meet again. Even if it’s just in my mind.

CHAPTER 12

THE tie was choking him and it already hung loose around his collar. He hadn’t been inside the high school gymnasium more than five minutes when his skin started to itch and his airway was constricted.

Outside, a gentle rain fell, preventing the commencement ceremonies from being held in the stadium. So Nathan was trapped inside a stifling hot gym with several hundred other people.

His mom tugged him toward the seats that Sam and Sophie had saved for the family. It was actually an entire section where the Kellys had gathered along with “extended” family and friends.

Swanny was sitting this one out. That and the huge family celebration that would be held at Nathan’s parents’ house afterward. He still wasn’t comfortable being around so many people. The scar on his face drew a lot of stares, some much bolder than others.

On the way up the bleachers, Nathan was treated to several hugs, exclamations, slaps on the back and welcoming smiles. Hometown hero and all that shit. He felt like a huge fraud.

Getting captured by the enemy didn’t make him a goddamn hero.

He tugged at his tie some more until the knot rested well below the collar line and then he unbuttoned the top button. Feeling like he could breathe again, he took the seat next to his mom and smiled acknowledgments at the rest of the family. He didn’t miss their looks of surprise at his presence, since none of them had invited him. Only Rusty had. They’d assumed he wouldn’t come.

Joe was sitting toward the end, bouncing Charlotte on his knee. When he saw Nathan, he stood and handed the baby back to Sophie and maneuvered his way down to sit by Nathan.

“Hey, man. Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Rusty wanted me to come,” Nathan returned.

“We all did. I’m glad you came.”

Nathan nodded, not knowing what more to say.

“You look like shit, man.”

Nathan frowned and turned to look at his twin. Obviously Joe didn’t suffer the same affliction of not knowing what to say.

“When was the last time you slept? You were looking good when Swanny first got here. You were smiling and joking again. Now you look like you haven’t slept in a week and are about to freak out being closed in with all these people.”

Nathan shrugged. He couldn’t deny either assertion.

“What’s going on with you, Nathan? I keep waiting for you to snap out of it. I get that what happened was bad. But you’re not getting better. In fact, I swear you look worse now than you did three months ago.”

Though Joe sounded frustrated, his words were tinged with worry. A worry that Nathan saw reflected in his family’s eyes every time they looked his way.

“This isn’t the place,” Nathan said in a low voice.

“No, it’s not. But where is? I can’t talk to you. You’re always working on that damn house, and if I come out and try to talk to you, you just hammer those goddamn nails and ignore me or you answer in one or two words. You’ve shut me out just like you’ve shut the rest of the family out. I’m not just one of your brothers, Nathan. I’m your twin.”

Nathan’s jaw ticked and he turned to stare at his brother. “What do you want from me?”

Joe’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in closer. “I want you to start acting like a goddamn human being instead of a f**king corpse. You didn’t die but you’re determined to act like you did. I get that this f**ked you up. I get it, okay? But it’s frustrating as hell to watch you slip further and further away. At least talk to me—someone—and let us know how to help.”

Nathan glanced down the bleachers to see the rest of his family discreetly and not so discreetly watching the interchange between him and Joe. Then he turned back to his brother.

“Look, man—”

He was interrupted by the request to rise for the Pledge of Allegiance and the National Anthem. As he rose, his mom slipped her hand in his and squeezed. Just a reminder that she loved him. God, he loved her too. He glanced at the rest of his family—his brothers—standing with their wives. Van next to Sophie, holding Charlotte, as the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner” faded. Seth, the sheriff’s deputy and honorary member of the Kelly family. Garrett next to his fiancée, Sarah, his expression content as she nestled against his side.