When You're Ready (Ready #1)(61)

The three of us, like this, forever.

But it was a conversation we had never had. He said I was his and he would always be here, but was he ready to be a father? I knew he loved Maddie, but becoming a father to her was different. Could I ask that of him? I knew what I wanted, and it was him. I could only hope he wanted us, and everything that came with us.

Maddie fell asleep and Logan helped carry her upstairs to her room. We both tucked her in, giving her kisses goodnight. Logan began to head back for the stairs, and I grabbed his hand, stopping him.

“Stay. Please, Logan.”

“Always,” he vowed, before following me to the bedroom.

I shut the door, locking it, making sure I heard the click before I turned. Giving myself a few moments to stand there, I admired the man before me. Sometimes I couldn’t help but stare. He was like a magnet pulling me in, and I was helpless to stop. He was the perfect combination of pure sin and superhero, and I wanted all of him.

Right now.

“Clare, you’ve got to stop looking at me like that,” he groaned.

“Why?” I asked, letting my hips sway as I sauntered toward him. Finally reaching my object of desire, I reached out, running my hands up and down the blue t-shirt that covered his perfectly formed chest.

“Because Maddie’s down the hall and I can only handle so much before I throw you on the bed and take you anyway.”

What was this? Take me anyway? I don’t know about him, but sex was definitely in my plans for the evening. Oh. I understood.

“You’re scared to have sex with Maddie in the house, aren’t you?” I couldn’t help but grin. Seeing him squirm was pretty damn funny.

“Well, that would definitely be a first for me,” he agreed.

Who knew a full grown man would be so freaked out about having sex in the same house as a child. It’s not like she was in the room with us.

“Logan?” I whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Do you plan on living with me? Ever?” I asked, hoping and praying I didn’t just step over a line trying to make a point.

“Dear God, I hope so,” he said like a prayer.

I gave myself a second, or five to let that sink in, making sure I remembered those words forever.

“And exactly how did you foresee this future of ours? Are we just going to practice abstinence whenever Maddie’s in the house? For the next fourteen years?”

His eyes widened, causing me to laugh.

“What if she wakes up? I mean, we’re not exactly quiet,” he argued, clearly warming to the idea.

My hands moved to the edge of my tank top, lifting it over my head, and exposing my purple satin bra. His eyes flared with heat, and I knew he wasn’t thinking about anything else but me now.

“Then we’ll just have to learn to be silent, won’t we?” I said before I pushed him onto the bed to teach him the art of quiet lovemaking.

~Logan~

I woke in the middle of the night to Maddie calling out for me. My eyes tried to focus in the darkened room as she poked at my head. Again. Sleep still tugged at my every thought making my movements jerky and lethargic. Suddenly remembering the hours of lovemaking Clare and I had spent before going to sleep, I ran my hands down my body, exhaling in relief that I had the forethought to throw on a pair of boxers and shirt before collapsing into bed.

“Maddie? You okay princess?” I asked as I pulled her toward me, noticing right away the immense heat radiating off her body.

“I don’t feel very good,” she said, wrapping her arms around my neck.

I gathered her into my lap, exhaling as I let this moment sink in, because it was a big one. She had come to me. She needed someone and she chose me. I don’t know what it was like to be a father, to watch your child grow in your wife’s belly, be born, and hold her in your arms for the first time. It wasn’t a life I had ever pictured for myself. But I did know what it was like to hold Maddie in my arms, to feel her head rest on my shoulder when she was sleepy, to see the joy in her face when we danced. She may not be mine by birth, but I would give up everything I had to be her father. To belong to her, to them both.

“Come on princess, let’s go downstairs so we won’t wake your Mommy,” I said, before picking her up and heading downstairs for the kitchen. Clare had earned the sleep, and I would gladly stay up the rest of the night if needed. But that wasn’t why I was doing this. Seeing Maddie in the darkness tonight, as she reached for me, her body sick and frail. I wasn’t ready to give her up yet. She came to me, and I wanted to be her healer and protector. I would let Clare take over in the morning when I had to leave for work, but for now, I needed a night taking care of the little girl who had stolen a piece of my heart.

I took Maddie’s temp which was high, as expected. She sleepily took the medicine I gave, and drank some of the water I put in her Dora Sippy cup, but she was having a difficult time settling. I put on a movie, and we burrowed ourselves under a blanket while I began running my fingers through her hair. It was something I’d seen Clare do on numerous occasions, and it always seemed to soothe her. About fifteen minutes later, her eyes fluttered, and eventually closed, and she fell asleep in my arms.

I purposely remained awake a while longer, watching the breath move in and out of her body through her rose colored lips. It’s amazing how life can change on you in an instant. A few months ago, I was afraid of my own emotions, and I protected myself with a thick layer of ice. I pushed away the few people in my life who actually loved me, scared that the love I felt for them was a long standing lie as well. I had convinced myself that someone who grows up without knowing love was incapable of giving it. It was the reason why I couldn’t love Melanie, the reason I had ruined our marriage. And so I gave up. If I didn’t know how to love, why bother? Why bother with any of it?