When Day Breaks (KGI #9)(44)

Now he was truly curious. Not worried because he couldn’t imagine anything she could tell him that would put him off. Her past lovers didn’t matter. What mattered was here and now and that she was going to be his.

“Just tell me, honey,” he encouraged. “You’re making yourself crazy over nothing I’m sure.”

She sucked in a deep breath, seemingly gathering her courage, and then exhaled in a long sigh.

“I’ve never been with a man,” she admitted in a faltering tone. “You’d be the first. I want you to be the first.”

He stared at her, stunned, in complete disbelief. Of anything he thought she would tell him, this was the very last thing he would have considered. There were so many what-the-f*ck thoughts barreling through his mind that he was utterly speechless.

Eden was a virgin? It boggled his mind. The world’s most beautiful woman had never been with a man, and furthermore she wanted him to be her first? It humbled him and scared the shit out of him all at the same time.

What was he supposed to say to something like that? He didn’t feel worthy. Her first time should be special, with a man who didn’t look like he did. Someone more on her level. He suddenly felt clumsy and inept. He in no way underestimated the magnitude of the gift she was offering. But damn it, her first time should be perfect and he was suddenly seized by fear that he’d royally botch the entire thing up.

“Swanny?”

Her voice sounded fearful and she’d pulled the covers farther up until they were tucked under her chin. She sounded as uncertain as he felt, and he cursed the fact that he was making a royal muck of everything.

“I don’t know what to say,” he finally managed to get out. “I had no idea, Eden. And the thought that you want me to be your first . . . I can’t even fathom the magnitude of such a precious gift. Why me? You have to have had better opportunities—options. What could I possibly have to offer you? I feel like we’re caught up in a modern Beauty and the Beast situation. I’m not handsome. Most would consider me ugly. I’m scarred not just on my face but on my entire body. How could you want someone like me?”

Her expression softened and her eyes gentled, and the look she gave him was so achingly sweet that it made his entire chest tighten with emotion.

She leaned down, brushing her lips over his, and then as she’d done once before, she slid her mouth over the length of his scar, pressing tender tiny kisses along every pucker and ridge.

“You’re beautiful to me,” she whispered. “I don’t care what others think. They’re idiots for not seeing beyond your scars to the heart of you. The person I know you are. As to how I could want someone like you, I can’t give you a cut-and-dried explanation. It’s just there. Something about you stirs me in a way no other man has ever been able to move me. I’ve waited because it never felt right before, and my virginity is something I considered precious, not to be given to just anyone. But it feels right with you. Perfect. I know without any doubts that I want you to be my first lover. But if it doesn’t feel right to you, then I don’t want it to happen. I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want.”

“I want you more than I ever imagined wanting another woman,” he admitted. “I’m blown away by the way you see me, that you still want me even seeing what I look like. I won’t lie. I’m petrified because I want your first time to be something beautiful and precious, and I worry that I won’t be able to give you what you deserve.”

She smiled again, her hair falling like a curtain over her shoulder and brushing over his chest. “And here I am worried that with my inexperience, I won’t be able to satisfy you or that I’ll fail miserably. I vote we do this together and to hell with expectations or fears. Let’s just let it happen and we’ll figure it out as we go.”

He leaned up, cupping her cheek, and then pressed his lips to hers, sliding his tongue inside her mouth, tasting and savoring the sensation, the intimacy between them before they’d even taken that final step in their budding relationship.

“I think that’s a perfect idea,” he said gruffly.

CHAPTER 19

EDEN relaxed, letting go of her earlier bout of nerves. She had argued endlessly with herself whether to tell Swanny she was a virgin, but in the end he deserved to know. And, well, she wanted the experience to be wonderful, what she’d been dreaming of, and now that he knew, she knew he would take extra care with her and make it as special as she wanted it to be.

When she’d first told him and he’d looked astonished and baffled and speechless, for a while she thought she’d made a mistake and that he would back out. But then she realized that he was simply overwhelmed and humbled by the fact that she wanted him to be her first.

Her heart had simply melted at his reaction. He didn’t feel as if he were good enough for her, and he was genuinely baffled by the idea that she wanted him when, in his words, she could have any man she wanted.

But therein was the issue. She hadn’t wanted a man or felt right making love with another man. Not until Swanny. And as she’d tried to explain, she couldn’t say why it was him. Just that for her, he was the one. Now, looking back, she was so glad she had waited. That she’d been discerning and holding out for just the right man, because she knew to her bones that Swanny was the right man to take this enormous leap with. He might have doubts as to why she wanted him, but she had none whatsoever, and if it was the last thing she did, she was going to make him see himself the way she saw him. Strong. Caring. Loyal. Tender. So very loving and humble. Her heart turned over just thinking of him being her first.