Walk Through Fire (Chaos #4)(114)

“Did she push this deal? Deb, I mean,” I asked.

“My idea,” he replied.

His?

“Logan,” I began cautiously, “I don’t get that, especially if you’re missing them and missing out in being with them.”

His arms tightened. “Babe, I’m a guy, so I never turned into a woman. Don’t know shit about cramps and...” his expression changed to one that it took a lot for me not to burst out laughing, “. . . other stuff. Deb obviously does. We get Clee-Clee through that and shit happens when they’re with me, she can help her sister through it until they get back to Deb.”

“You’re telling me you’ve given near full custody to your ex so you don’t have to deal in case your daughters start their periods with you?” I asked incredulously.

The expression came back. I made a noise this time while choking back laughter, the expression left and thunder started clouding his face.

“You got your period, you run to your dad to help you pick tampons?” he growled.

He had a point there.

He was still being funny.

“No,” I told him.

“Help get your moods? Which shit you should buy to deal, you get cramps?” he pushed.

“Deb is but a phone call away,” I reminded him, deciding not to note just yet that I was right at his side.

“That’s precious,” he stated in a way that made all amusement flee. “That happenin’, it’s precious. A girl becomin’ a woman. That’s a time of life to share with your mom. It’s not a memory you should have with your dad not knowin’ f*ck all about it. How to guide you. How to help you. How to teach you how to experience something that’s only gonna have its start once but it’s gonna mean changes for years. Important ones. I don’t want that for my girls. I want them to have the precious. I want them to remember that happening and it to be a good memory. I don’t wanna f*ck that up for them. Other shit comes with that. Realizin’ boys exist and why. How to deal with that. How to do their makeup. How to find the clothes they like to wear. I don’t want any of that shit to happen, Millie. I want them to stay my babies forever. But I got no choice. They’re growin’ up. And I got no clue how to guide them with any of that. Their mom does. So they need their mom.”

“You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met,” I blurted, the feeling behind those words making them husky.

But I found, to my surprise, they were not bittersweet, the loss of all that he could have given a daughter we made.

They were just sweet, knowing he had it to give to his girls.

And I made it so he could.

His arms around me convulsed and then stayed tight.

But I had a feeling he misunderstood the emotion behind my words when he asked, “You okay?”

I snuggled into him. “Yeah. Actually, I think I’m more okay than I’ve been for a long time.”

“How’s that?”

“I have you back,” I told him. “And you have the babies you have to give what you have to give. It wasn’t ours to have. It was yours. And now, not only do you have it, I have you. So it sucked how we got here. But I’m beginning to understand it was worth it.”

A scratchy rumble rolled up his throat right before he bent his head and took my mouth.

We made out and there was a lot of feeling to that too.

None of it bittersweet.

All of it just sweet.

He lifted his head and said softly, “Give you this weekend. Friday dinner. Saturday time with you. Sunday time with you. We’ll go sleep at the RV. But next time I got ’em, all that time’s with you.”

I could make that compromise, so I nodded.

“Today, gonna sit down with Deb and explain that.”

Oh man.

“Got nothin’ to worry about,” he assured. “Already told her I was with someone and that someone is important. She doesn’t care. Just want her to know how I’m movin’ it along with the girls. She won’t care about that either. She trusts me to do right by the girls and she isn’t wrong in that trust.”

That made me feel better, so I nodded again.

“As for me, I’m moving in.”

My lips parted.

“I know we’re just back but I don’t give a f*ck. I’m not takin’ that slow. Lost too much. Not gonna dick around gettin’ it all back. Leave the RV at Boz’s until I can get that garage out back torn down. Once that’s out, there’ll be room to store the RV here and do it not f*ckin’ up the look of your courtyard.”

Before I could say a word, he finished.

“And you can have your alarm clock until Justine gets her teeth into shit and you can sort it so you don’t need one.”

“You’re moving in?” I asked.

“Yep.”

“You’re tearing down my garage?”

“You use it?”

“No.”

“Then yeah.”

“You... uh... Low, my house is girlie,” I pointed out.

“Furniture’s comfortable. Place is tight. Looks nice. Great kitchen. It works,” he stated.

“But it’s girlie,” I repeated.

“What do I care as long as the furniture’s comfortable and your ass sleeps beside mine?”