Undone by Her Tender Touch (Pregnancy & Passion #4)(17)

“This isn’t about you!”

It came out as a near shriek and she put both hands to the sides of her head in frustration. For a moment she stood there, eyes closed, her nostrils flaring as her breaths blew out in angry puffs.

When she reopened her eyes, Cam was staring at her, concern etched into his brow. “Pippa…” he began.

“No, just listen to me for a minute. Please,” she begged. “You made yourself clear before we went to bed together. You were honest. I was honest. But things have changed in a huge, huge way. What I wanted then isn’t what I want now. And no, I’m not asking you for anything. I need you to understand that. I’ve changed. My priorities have changed.

“You were right. That night I wanted sex. With you. I was attracted to you. I wasn’t looking for more. A relationship isn’t what I want or need at this stage of my life. But I’m pregnant now. And there is no way I’m going to shortchange myself or my child by entering into a cold, loveless relationship for the purpose of convenience. When I get married, it’s going to be to a man who loves me and is willing to be a full-time father to my child. I need those things. Especially now.”

“I can’t give you that,” Cam said flatly.

“And I’ll never settle for anything less,” she said quietly.

He shot off the couch and turned away, his hands clenched into tight fists at his side. “I’ll be damned if I watch you marry another man when you’re pregnant with my child.” He turned back around, raw anger lighting his eyes. “I have a right to fatherhood, Pippa. You can’t take that from me. I won’t allow it. I’ll fight you with every breath I have.”

Some of her frustration fled. She took a step forward and put her hand gently on his arm. He flinched underneath her touch but she curled her fingers tightly into his skin. There was something terrible and painful in his eyes. Something that knotted her stomach and made her want to soothe some of the torment she sensed within him.

“I’d never take that from you, Cam,” she said softly. “I’m merely giving you reasons why I won’t settle for a relationship like the one you’re offering.”

“I want my child safe,” he gritted out.

“So do I. I love this baby already. I’ve lain awake at night imagining its future. I’d never do anything that wasn’t in his or her best interests.”

“Then let me take care of you both. I don’t want anything to happen to you. Move in with me. If you won’t marry me so my child has my name, then at least move in with me so you’re both provided for.”

She wondered if he even knew that he was nearly pleading with her. As vehement as he was that he could never give her what she wanted or needed from a relationship, he seemed just as determined to tie her to him.

She let her hand slide down his arm until she caught his fingers and laced them with hers. “If I agreed to this, I could never respect myself. If I have a daughter, I want her to know she never has to settle for second best or nothing at all. If I’m going to teach her to be strong and resilient and self-reliant, I can hardly have settled in my own life.”

He tensed again as if to argue, but she squeezed his hand. “No, listen to me, Cam. Neither of us wanted this. We sure didn’t plan it. Think about what you’re doing here. Our emotions are heated. Neither of us are thinking straight. Don’t do something we’ll both regret. That speech you gave me three weeks ago speaks to the heart of you. That’s what you want. Not marriage. Not the inconvenience of a wife underfoot when the last thing you want is commitment. Because you know what? Sooner or later I’ll resent you for not being able to give me what I want. And it’ll eat away at me until I hate you for it. What kind of environment is that for our child?”

His lips thinned. He looked as though he wanted to argue further. But he remained silent, his hand in hers as they stared intently at each other.

“I’m willing to let it go for now,” he said grudgingly. “But there are things that I will want to do to ensure your safety and you’re just going to have to deal with it.”

She lifted an eyebrow in question. “What on earth is your obsession with safety? I can’t live in a bubble. You can’t hover over me for the next eight months.”

“The hell I can’t.”

“What are you so afraid of?”

It was the second time she asked the question and for a moment she thought he might actually respond.

But he went silent again, his eyes darkening.

“Will you at least let me move you into a more secure apartment?” he asked.

She shot him an incredulous look. “What’s wrong with the apartment I have?”

“It opens to the street. There’s no security. The steps are dangerous, particularly in winter.”

She blew out a frustrated breath and shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with this apartment. And by the time I’m bigger, winter will be long gone. I like my apartment. I like the location. This is the area where I want to try to start my café. Besides, I can’t afford more than what I have right now.”

“I don’t give a damn what you can afford.”

“Well, I do. I can’t just halt my life and allow you to sweep in and take care of me until the baby’s born. What would I do afterward?”