The Recruit (Highland Guard #6)(108)

He’d just assumed. Ah hell, he really had to get her out of here.

She laughed. “Babies have their own time. They come when they want to, and I just want to be ready.”

And he was just realizing how unready he was.

“Is something wrong, Kenneth? Is something bothering you?”

Something was bothering him all right. She was so damned happy. What he was doing was wrong. He’d created a world of illusions for a woman who’d already had them shattered once before.

But how was he going to tell her the truth? “I’ve been a bit preoccupied with my duties, that’s all. With the king leaving London, everyone is anxious.”

“Are you sure that is all?”

“What else could there be?”

“I thought it might have something to do with me. Have I done something to displease you?”

He smiled, caressing her cheek with his hand. “You please me very much.”

But she wouldn’t be distracted by sensual teasing. She turned her face from his hand. “That isn’t what I was talking about. Have I done something to make you not wish to confide in me? I had hoped you would trust me to share your confidences.”

“I do trust you.” At least he wanted to. But it was all so new to him. Now that he had her love, he didn’t want to lose it.

“And I you. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.” She put her palm on his chest and looked up at him, the trust shining in her eyes making his chest knife. “You are nothing like Atholl. I know that now.”

Kenneth flinched. He wasn’t like Atholl, he was worse. Atholl hadn’t loved her. Atholl hadn’t deceived her.

He needed to tell her. He probably should have done so before. He thought it was wiser to wait until she was safely in Scotland, as by then it would be too late for her to refuse to go. But if he told her now, he could still keep part of his vow to her. He had to have faith in her. In them. She would be angry at first, but he had to trust that she would understand.

“If Atholl had given you a choice, Mary, what would you have had him do? Would you have told him to fight with Bruce or with Edward?”

She blinked up at him in the candlelight, obviously taken aback by his question. “I would have had him protect us.”

“Aye, but after that. If things were different, what side would you have picked?”

Her brows furrowed. “What does that matter anymore? The decision was made for me many years ago.”

“What if it did matter? What if you could go back? What if you and David could be in Scotland with your former brother-in-law right now, would you do it?”

Her face shadowed. He could tell she was beginning to get annoyed with his questions. “What difference does it make? It’s hypothetical. We are here, making the best out of the situation that we can.”

“Don’t you want to go home Mary?”

“Of course I do,” she snapped, finally losing her temper. “I miss my home, as I’m sure you do. But it does me no good to wish for things that aren’t possible.”

He held her gaze intently. “What if they were?”

She stilled, her voice lowered to a whisper—as if the walls had ears. “You should not speak that way. It’s dangerous.”

“I would never let anything happen to you, Mary. You know that, don’t you?”

Her eyes raked his face. “Why are you talking to me like this? What are you trying to tell me?”

“That it’s time to go home.”

Twenty-four

Mary stared at him, at first not understanding what he was saying. But a dark shadow of premonition had begun to creep its way up her consciousness. “I can’t go home. King Edward would never allow it.”

“Edward won’t know. Not until it’s too late, anyway.”

Fear washed over her. She shook her head. “No. I lost my sister the last time I tried to flee. Why are you talking this way? Has something happened? Is Sir John making it difficult for you? Surely, it couldn’t be so bad as to make you question your loyalty?”

He didn’t say anything, and all of a sudden the truth hit her. Loyalty.

She drew back in horror, understanding sinking like a stone in her gut. She knew why he’d been asking her all those strange questions earlier. Why his sudden shift of allegiance hadn’t made sense. Why he’d talked so fondly about a brother he was supposed to hate.

“Oh God.” She covered her mouth, feeling sick. Betrayal ripped inside her like a jagged knife. “You never changed allegiance, did you? You are working for Robert.”

She inched back, but he reached out to catch her arm. “Mary, wait. Let me explain.”

Heat choked her throat, hurt and disbelief filled her eyes with tears. “Explain what? That you deceived me?”

“I had no choice. I probably shouldn’t even be telling you this, but I made you a vow.”

Anger helped to forestall the tears. She made a harsh sound of disbelief. “It’s rather late to remember that, isn’t it? You promised not to embroil me or my children in anything dangerous, but you did that the moment you forced me to marry you.”

From the glint in his eyes, she could tell he took exception to her choice of words. “I couldn’t tell you then. Not when I wasn’t sure of your feelings for me.”