The Program (The Program #1)(41)

“I’m sorry,” I hear Realm say, feeling him touch my knee. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

I sniffle and wipe away the tears just as they start to brim over. “It’s okay,” I say. “I’ve just had a bad day. And—”

“I reminded you how much life sucks. I really am sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I whisper. “James is my boyfriend, but—” I stop, not wanting to admit that James didn’t remember me. As if it proves that I didn’t mean that much to him.

“He was in The Program too,” Realm says quietly. “It’s in your file.”

I nod. “They came and got me about a week after he returned.”

“Did he know you?” Realm asks, sounding anxious.

“No.” Saying it is like a punch in the gut.

Realm doesn’t try to say it’s okay or offer any hope of James remembering. Instead he points to the last McNugget. “You going to eat that?” he asks.

I stare at him. “You just made me cry and now you want my food?”

He shrugs. “I just asked if you were going to eat it.”

I laugh then, pushing the box in his direction. “It’s all yours. I think I might puke from eating so fast.”

He pauses with the food halfway to his mouth. “Thanks for oversharing, Sloane.” He eats the chicken anyway, and then we pick through the fries before cleaning up, the grease clinging to my fingers, but it’s not gross. It’s almost a relief compared to how scrubbed and antiseptic I feel in this facility.

“Hold up,” Realm says, handing me the bag. He pulls the door open and then puts his eye to the crack. “All clear.”

He motions me forward, and we sneak back inside, giggling as we run down the hallway. We’re almost back to the leisure room when we see Nurse Kell turn the corner and spot us. Realm instantly grabs the McDonald’s bag and tosses it into an empty room, the trash sliding under a bed.

“Where have you two been?” Nurse Kell asks.

“Just giving her the tour,” Realm says, putting his arm around me as if we’re best friends. It occurs to me that he is my best friend, at least in here. Nurse Kell eyes us for another second longer and then nods toward the leisure room.

“All right then,” she says. “The boys are looking for you, Michael. You’re late for your card game.”

He thanks her, and we start heading off when Nurse Kell calls me back. “For you,” she says, holding out a Dixie cup. I peek inside and see a bright-yellow pill.

“Why? I feel fine.”

“Doctor’s orders, dear.” She hands me a cup of water, and I take the pill, anger starting to well up inside me again.

“I thought he was going to lower my dosage,” I snap at her. “Guess not, huh?”

“Go back to your friends now, Sloane.” She smiles and brushes my hair off my shoulder. But I push her hand away and go into the leisure room.

• • •

“Where’d you go?” Realm asks when I sit at the table with him and the guys. They’d already dealt me in, and I pick up my cards.

“Nurse Kell wanted to make sure I stayed obedient,” I tell him.

“I like the sound of that,” Derek says, and they start laughing. Realm just eyes me with concern.

“Hey!” A voice cuts through the air, and I turn to see Tabitha making her way over, her red hair pulled into a messy knot on top of her head. “Realm, I thought you said you weren’t letting anyone else play.”

He sighs, but looks up at her sweetly. “Hello, Tabitha. I’m sorry, but the table is full.”

“Then why does she get to join? That’s not fair, Realm. You promised.”

“Next time, okay?” He smiles at her. She shoots a hateful look in my direction, and then nods sadly before stumbling away.

The guys don’t joke this time and instead start playing the round. She just had this conversation and yet she comes back, like part of her brain is broken. She took QuikDeath, and I wonder if Miller had survived, if he’d—

A thick, choking grief envelops me at the thought of my friend. My Miller, so lost and alone even though we were right there. I’ll never see him again.

There’s a soft touch on my wrist. “You’re crying,” Realm whispers. Startled, I look at him while he takes a cautious glance around at the nurses. He reaches to swipe under my eye with his shirtsleeve and then calls bullshit to no one in particular, just to distract them. They all start laughing and sifting through the cards, but I watch Realm, grateful. We go back to playing, but as the minutes tick by, my reflexes get slower. Soon they’re yelling at me to throw down a card, and I have to fold my hand and step out.

Realm stands when I do. “You don’t look well,” he says.

“Tired. Nurse Kell gave me a pill and—”

“Wait, that’s what happened in the hall? Why would she give it now?”

“I don’t know.”

Realm puts his arm on my mine and steadies me against him. I don’t argue. I’m starting to feel disoriented, and the prospect of getting all the way to my room seems impossible.

“I’ll be back, guys,” Realm says, tossing his cards down. They grumble something I can’t hear, and then Realm is easing me away. “Can I walk you home?” he asks, joking.