The Host (The Host #1)(164)

“What other way was there, Ian?” Jared argued. “Did you have a better plan? Do you think she’d be happier if she was unhurt but Jamie was gone?”

I flinched at the hideous thought.

Ian’s voice was less hostile when he answered. “No. But I don’t understand how you could sit there and watch her do that to herself.” Ian shook his head in disgust, and Jared’s shoulders hunched in response. “What kind of a man —”

“A practical one,” Jeb interrupted.

We all looked up. Jeb stood over us, a bulky cardboard box in his arms.

“It’s why Jared’s the best at getting what we need. Because he can do what has to be done. Or watch what has to be done. Even when watching’s harder than doing.

“Now, I know it’s closer to breakfast than supper, but I figured some of you haven’t eaten in a while,” Jeb went on, changing the subject without subtlety. “Hungry, kid?”

“Uh… I’m not sure,” Jamie admitted. “I feel real hollow, but it doesn’t feel… bad.”

“That’s the No Pain,” I said. “You should eat.”

“And drink,” Doc said. “You need liquids.”

Jeb let the unwieldy box fall onto the mattress. “Thought we might have a bit of a celebration. Dig in.”

“Wow, yum!” Jamie said, pawing through the box of dehydrated meals of the sort that hikers used. “Spaghetti. Excellent.”

“Dibs on the garlic chicken,” Jeb said. “I’ve been missin’ garlic quite a bit—though I imagine no one misses it on my breath.” He chuckled.

Jeb was prepared, with bottles of water and several portable stoves. People began to gather around, squeezing together in the small space. I was wedged between Jared and Ian, and I’d pulled Jamie onto my lap. Though he was much too old for this, he didn’t protest. He must have sensed how much both of us needed that—Mel and I had to feel him alive and healthy and in our arms.

The shimmering circle seemed to widen, enveloping the entire late-night supper party, making them family, too. Everyone waited contentedly for Jeb to prepare the unexpected treats, in no hurry. Fear had been replaced by relief and happy news. Even Kyle, compressed into the small space on the other side of his brother, was not unwelcome in the circle.

Melanie sighed in contentment. She was vibrantly aware of the warmth of the boy in my lap and the touch of the man who still stroked his hand against my arm. She wasn’t even upset by Ian’s arm around my shoulders.

You’re feeling the No Pain, too, I teased her.

I don’t think it’s the No Pain. Not for either of us.

No, you’re right. This is more than I’ve ever had.

This is so much of what I lost.

What was it that made this human love so much more desirable to me than the love of my own kind? Was it because it was exclusive and capricious? The souls offered love and acceptance to all. Did I crave a greater challenge? This love was tricky; it had no hard-and-fast rules—it might be given for free, as with Jamie, or earned through time and hard work, as with Ian, or completely and heartbreakingly unattainable, as with Jared.

Or was it simply better somehow? Because these humans could hate with so much fury, was the other end of the spectrum that they could love with more heart and zeal and fire?

I didn’t know why I had yearned after it so desperately. All I knew was that, now that I had it, it was worth every ounce of risk and agony it had cost. It was better than I’d imagined.

It was everything.

By the time the food was prepared and consumed, the late—or rather early—hour had gotten to us all. People stumbled out of the crowded room toward their beds. As they left, there was more space.

Those remaining slouched down where we were as room became available. Gradually, we melted in place until we were horizontal. My head ended up pillowed on Jared’s stomach; his hand stroked my hair now and then. Jamie’s face was against my chest, and his arms were around my neck. One of my arms wrapped around his shoulders. Ian’s head was cushioned on my stomach, and he held my other hand to his face. I could feel Doc’s long leg stretched beside mine, his shoe by my hip. Doc was asleep—I could hear him snoring. I may have even been touching Kyle somewhere.

Jeb was sprawled on the bed. He belched, and Kyle chuckled.

“Nicer night than I was plannin’ for. I like it when pessimism goes unrewarded,” Jeb mused. “Thanks, Wanda.”

“Mmm,” I sighed, half asleep.

“Next time she raids…” Kyle said, somewhere on the other side of Jared’s body. A big yawn interrupted his sentence. “Next time she raids, I’m coming, too.”

“She’s not going out again,” Ian answered, his body tensing. I brushed my hand against his face, trying to soothe him.

“Of course not,” I murmured to him. “I don’t have to go anywhere unless I’m needed. I don’t mind staying in here.”

“I’m not talking about keeping you prisoner, Wanda,” Ian explained, irritated. “You can go anywhere you want as far as I’m concerned. Jogging on the highway, if you’d like that. But not a raid. I’m talking about keeping you safe.”

“We need her,” Jared said, his voice harder than I wanted to hear it.