The Gamble (Colorado Mountain #1)(185)

I rolled to my back and closed my eyes, feeling it as he sat on the bed. I heard both his boots drop then I felt it as he got up again then I heard the buckle on his jeans crack against the floor along with the swish of the fabric.

Then the covers moved and the bed rocked as he got in. The covers moved again, sliding down to my waist, my eyes opened and my head turned to him as his big splayed hand glided gently up to my ribcage.

It rested where Damon’s boot print was and Max rested on his side, close to me but not touching me except with his hand. His elbow was in the bed, his head was in his hand, his eyes were on me.

Then his hand slid down to come to rest on my belly and I realized I was holding my breath so I let it out and when I did, Max spoke.

“All right, baby, let’s start this with you tellin’ me what Harry said to you last night.”

I held my breath again.

I wanted to ask him to turn out the light. I also wanted to ask him if I could go to sleep and we could talk about this in the morning (or never). Mostly, I wanted to ask him, before I’d so stupidly messed up and acted unforgivably selfishly, if he’d really been falling in love with me.

What I didn’t want to do was tell him what Harry said to me, not only because of what Harry said, but because it was mostly about Anna.

But I knew I couldn’t hide behind my neurotic behavior, not then. Max deserved better.

So I let out my breath and said softly, “He told me about Anna.”

Max showed no reaction to this, his face didn’t darken, his eyes didn’t narrow, he just asked, “What’d he say?”

I pulled in air through my nose then let it out and answered, “He said you loved her.”

“I did,” Max agreed readily.

I bit my bottom lip but let it go before I continued. “He said she was your world.”

“She was,” Max agreed again and I struggled against the urge to close my eyes against a different kind of internal pain and won, miraculously holding his gaze.

“He said, after her, you had a lot of women.”

“That’s true.”

I swallowed as this was confirmed and finished on a whisper, “He told me that you loved her so much, when she died, you were undone. And he told me no one was ever going to be that to you, not ever again, and you and everyone would know it and he thought I should know it too.”

Max had a reaction to this, his mouth got tight, his eyes got dark and his hand pressed slightly into my belly.

Then he sighed and his hand lightened.

Then he asked, “You know something?”

I pulled in both my lips and shook my head, though I did know a lot of somethings, just not the something he was about to share. However, I wasn’t certain I wanted to know what he was about to share. I didn’t tell him this and, therefore, he shared.

“When Anna died, it was her world that ended, not mine.” I closed my eyes then but Max whispered, “Honey, look at me.” So I opened them again.

“You don’t have to talk about this,” I told him quietly.

“Yeah, I do.”

I swallowed again and my hand went to rest on his at my belly.

“It took awhile for me to understand that,” he told me. “About ten years. I figured it out just over a week ago during a snowstorm.”

Oh. My. God.

“Max,” I breathed and his hand slid along my belly to my side, he carefully pulled me to his body and leaned in.

“Harry doesn’t know dick,” Max informed me, his voice soft but slightly harsh. “He lost Bitsy and I don’t know why, I don’t care, it’s got nothin’ to do with me. It’s his problem, he didn’t fight to keep her and everyone knows he didn’t. He just gave up and let Curt win. His story is different than mine. He gave up and had to live with his decision, Bitsy in the same town makin’ her life with another man. I lost Anna because Curt was bein’ Curt, it was outta my hands. He and I had our fallin’ out but Anna and Bitsy were tight. They tied one on at The Dog, Curt was designated driver, went to get them, take them home. About three weeks ago was the anniversary of it all, Spring Break, kids in town, doin’ stupid shit, gettin’ drunk like they always do. They f**ked with Curt, shoutin’ things out their car windows at him and he had a short fuse. He lost his temper, thought he’d teach ‘em a lesson, decided to f**k with ‘em back, did it and lost control of the car. The kids swerved into a ditch, they were okay, goin’ fast, shaken up but only minor injuries. Curt’s SUV rolled four times and only stopped when it slammed into a tree.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered, turning slightly toward him, my hand automatically moving to rest at his waist.

“Yeah,” Max grunted. “Worse, there was a factory recall on the SUV Curt had. Somethin’ wrong with the back passenger side seatbelt. Curt didn’t bother takin’ it in to get it fixed. Anna’s seatbelt snapped and when the truck rolled, she flew all over the inside of the cab, broke her neck.”

At that, I rolled totally into him and wrapped my arm around his waist, whispering, “Max.”

“Not a mark on her,” Max whispered back but his eyes had drifted away. Even though they were still on me, I knew he couldn’t see me. He was seeing something else, something acutely painful. I knew it because it was etched in his face and witnessing it, I wished I had the power to put my hand there and absorb the pain.