The Demigod Files(17)

Then:

Hermes got started young as a troublemaker. When he was one day old, he sneaked out of his crib and stole some cattle from his brother, Apollo. Apollo probably would’ve blasted the young tyke to bits, but fortunately Hermes appeased him with a new musical instrument he created called the lyre. Apollo liked it so much he forgot all about the cows. The lyre made Apollo very popular with the ladies, which was more than he could say about the cattle.


SIRENS 

(SY’-RENS)

MONSTERS

Distinguishing Features:

Ugly bodies, faces like vultures, beautiful singing voices. (Hey, that sounds like my elementary-school choir teacher…)

Now:

The Sirens inhabit the Sea of Monsters, where they lure sailors to their deaths by singing sweet songs, something like ’80s Oldies radio, only worse.

Then:

Back in the day, the Sirens were a real threat to the Greek shipping industry. Then a smart guy named Odysseus discovered that you could plug your ears with wax and sail right past the Sirens without hearing a thing. Strangely, Odysseus is usually remembered for his other accomplishments, not as the inventor of ear wax.





CIRCE 

(SEAR’-SEE)

ENCHANTRESS

Distinguishing Features:

Great hairdo, beautiful robes, enchanting singing voice, deadly wand hidden up her sleeve.

Now:

Circe runs a fashionable spa and resort on an island in the Sea of Monsters. Stop by if you’d like a makeover, but be warned, you might not leave the same person, or even the same species.

Then:

Circe loved to entertain sailors. She would welcome them warmly, feed them well, then turn them into pigs. Odysseus put a stop to this practice by eating a magic herb, then holding the sorceress at knife-point until she released his polymorphed crewmates. Circe promptly fell in love with Odysseus. Go figure.


DIONYSUS 

(DY-OH-NY’-SUS)

GOD OF WINE

Distinguishing Features:

Leopard-skin shirt, walking shorts, purple socks and sandals, the general pasty demeanour of someone who has been up partying too late.

Now:

Dionysus has been sentenced to one hundred years of ‘rehab’ as director of Camp Half-Blood. The only thing the god of wine can drink these days is Diet Coke, which doesn’t make him happy. He can usually be found playing pinochle with a group of terrified satyrs on the front porch of the Big House. If you want to join the game, be prepared to bet large.

Then:

Dionysus invented wine, which so impressed his father Zeus that he promoted Dionysus to god. The guy who invented prune juice, by contrast, got sentenced to the Fields of Punishment. Dionysus mostly spent his time partying it up in Ancient Greece, but once a crew of sailors tried to kill him, thinking the god was too incapacitated to fight back. Dionysus turned them into dolphins and sent them over the side. The moral of this story: do not mess with a god, even a drunk one.





POLYPHEMUS 

(POLY-FEE’-MUS)

ELDER CYCLOPS

Distinguishing Features:

One large eye in the centre of his head, sheep breath, fashionable caveman outfit, bad dental hygiene.

Now:

The giant Polyphemus hangs out in a cave on a deserted island, where he herds sheep and enjoys simple pastoral pleasures, like eating the occasional Greek hero who happens to sail by.

Then:

The giant Polyphemus hung out in a cave on a deserted island, where he herded sheep and enjoyed simple pastoral pleasures, like eating the occasional Greek hero who happened to sail by. (Some monsters never learn.)

PERCY
JACKSON

AND THE

SWORD OF HADES

Christmas in the Underworld was NOT my idea.

If I’d known what was coming, I would’ve called in sick. I could’ve avoided an army of demons, a fight with a Titan and a trick that almost got my friends and me cast into eternal darkness.

But no. I had to take my stupid English exam. So there I was on the last day of the winter semester at Goode High School, sitting in the auditorium with all the other freshmen and trying to finish my I-didn’t-read-it-but-I’m-pretending-like-I-did essay on A Tale of Two Cities, when Mrs O’Leary burst onto the stage, barking like crazy.

Mrs O’Leary is my pet hellhound. She’s a shaggy black monster the size of a Hummer, with razor fangs, steel-sharp claws and glowing red eyes. She’s really sweet, but usually she stays at Camp Half-Blood, our demigod training camp. I was a little surprised to see her on stage, trampling over the Christmas trees and Santa’s elves and the rest of the Winter Wonderland set.

Everyone looked up. I was sure the other kids were going to panic and run for the exits, but they just started snickering and laughing. A couple of the girls said, ‘Awww, cute!’

Our English teacher, Dr Boring (I’m not kidding; that’s his real name), adjusted his glasses and frowned.

‘All right,’ he said. ‘Whose poodle?’

I sighed in relief. Thank gods for the Mist – the magical veil that keeps humans from seeing things the way they really are. I’d seen it bend reality plenty of times before, but Mrs O’Leary as a poodle? That was impressive.

‘Um, my poodle, sir,’ I spoke up. ‘Sorry! It must’ve followed me.’

Somebody behind me started whistling ‘Mary had a Little Lamb.’ More kids cracked up.