The Demigod Diaries (The Heroes of Olympus)(20)

“Breakfast,” he rumbled.

I could see him clearly now, and I wished I couldn’t.

How ugly was he? Let’s put it this way: Secaucus, New Jersey, was a lot nicer-looking than Cacus the giant, and that’s not a compliment to anybody.

As Hermes had said, the giant was about ten feet tall, which made him small compared to some other giants I’d seen. But Cacus made up for it by being bright and gaudy. He had curly orange hair, pale skin, and orange freckles. His face was smeared upward with a permanent pout, upturned nose, wide eyes, and arched eyebrows, so he appeared both startled and unhappy. He wore a red velour housecoat with matching slippers. The housecoat was open, revealing silky Valentine-patterned boxer shorts and luxurious chest hair of a red/pink/orange color not found in nature.

Annabeth made a small gagging sound. “It’s the ginger giant.”

Unfortunately, the giant had extremely good hearing. He frowned and scanned the cavern, zeroing in on our hiding place.

“Who’s there?” he bellowed. “You—behind the bulldozer.”

Annabeth and I looked at each other. She mouthed, Oops.

“Come on!” the giant said. “I don’t appreciate sneaking about! Show yourself.”

That sounded like a really terrible idea. Then again, we were pretty much busted anyway. Maybe the giant would listen to reason, despite the fact that he wore Valentine boxer shorts.

I took out my ballpoint pen and uncapped it. My bronze sword Riptide sprang to life. Annabeth pulled out her shield and dagger. None of our weapons looked very intimidating against a dude that big, but together we stepped into the open.

The giant grinned. “Well! Demigods, are you? I call for breakfast, and you two appear? That’s quite accommodating.”

“We’re not breakfast,” Annabeth said.

“No?” The giant stretched lazily. Twin wisps of smoke escaped his nostrils. “I imagine you’d taste wonderful with tortillas, salsa, and eggs. Huevos semidiós. Just thinking about it makes me hungry!”

He sauntered over to the row of fly-specked cow carcasses.

My stomach twisted. I muttered, “Oh, he’s not really gonna—”

Cacus snatched one of the carcasses off a hook. He blew fire over it—a red-hot torrent of flame that cooked the meat in seconds but didn’t seem to hurt the giant’s hands at all. Once the cow was crispy and sizzling, Cacus unhinged his jaw, opening his mouth impossibly wide, and downed the carcass in three massive bites, bones and all.

“Yep,” Annabeth said weakly. “He really did it.”

The giant belched. He wiped his steaming greasy hands on his robe and grinned at us. “So, if you’re not breakfast, you must be customers. What can I interest you in?”

He sounded relaxed and friendly, like he was happy to talk with us. Between that and the red velour housecoat, he almost didn’t seem dangerous. Except of course that he was ten feet tall, blew fire, and ate cows in three bites.

I stepped forward. Call me old-fashioned, but I wanted to keep his focus on me and not Annabeth. I think it’s polite for a guy to protect his girlfriend from instant incineration.

“Um, yeah,” I said. “We might be customers. What do you sell?”

Cacus laughed. “What do I sell? Everything, demigod! At bargain basement prices, and you can’t find a basement lower than this!” He gestured around the cavern. “I’ve got designer handbags, Italian suits, um…some construction equipment, apparently, and if you’re in the market for a Rolex…”

He opened his robe. Pinned to the inside was a glittering array of gold and silver watches.

Annabeth snapped her fingers. “Fakes! I knew I’d seen that stuff before. You got all this from street merchants, didn’t you? They’re designer knockoffs.”

The giant looked offended. “Not just any knockoffs, young lady. I steal only the best! I’m a son of Hephaestus. I know quality fakes when I see them.”

I frowned. “A son of Hephaestus? Then shouldn’t you be making things rather than stealing them?”

Cacus snorted. “Too much work! Oh, sometimes if I find a high-quality item I’ll make my own copies. But mostly it’s easier to steal things. I started with cattle thieving, you know, back in the old days. Love cattle! That’s why I settled in the Meatpacking District. Then I discovered they have more than meat here!”

He grinned as if this was an amazing discovery. “Street vendors, high-end boutiques—this is a wonderful city, even better than Ancient Rome! And the workers were very nice to make me this cave.”

“Before you ran them off,” Annabeth said, “and almost killed them.”

Cacus stifled a yawn. “Are you sure you’re not breakfast? Because you’re beginning to bore me. If you don’t want to buy something, I’ll go get the salsa and tortillas—”

“We were looking for something special,” I interrupted. “Something real. And magic. But I guess you don’t have anything like that.”

“Ha!” Cacus clapped his hands. “A high-end shopper. If I haven’t got what you need in stock, I can steal it, for the right price, of course.”

“Hermes’s staff,” I said. “The caduceus.”

The giant’s face turned as red as his hair. His eyes narrowed. “I see. I should’ve known Hermes would send someone. Who are you two? Children of the thief god?”