Sweet Persuasion (Sweet #2)(84)

Serena took the lounger Julie had vacated and leaned back, directing her face into the sun. Warmth spread over her skin, but oddly, she still felt cold on the inside.

“What happened, Serena?” Faith asked quietly.

“I stopped trying to sell rainbows and wishes.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I’m through dealing in fantasies, Faith.”

“But what about your business? Your clients? Serena, you’ve made so many people happy.”

Serena closed her eyes. Except for her. In that she’d failed miserably and hurt a good man in the process.

“Okay so what did I miss?” Julie asked as she came back out. She plopped a plate on Serena’s lap, forcing her to open her eyes again. Then she held out a glass of juice.

“Apparently Serena is done with Fantasy Incorporated,” Faith said darkly.

“Say what?”

“I’m selling the business,” Serena said calmly.

“But why?” Julie demanded. “This was your brainchild, your baby.”

“Not anymore,” Serena said softly. “Someone else can take over and do the same. It’s just not for me anymore. I’m tired of . . . fantasy. It’s not real. Nothing was.”

“Okay, are we talking about your clients here or are we talking about you and Damon?” Faith asked.

Serena’s hands trembled around her glass of juice, causing it to slosh precariously close to the rim. She sat forward and placed the glass on the leg rest of the lounger and set her plate down on the deck. “Damon deserves someone who isn’t playing games,” she whispered. “Someone not out for fantasy and cheap thrills.”

Faith sighed. “Serena, you only gave it a week. Then you ran like the hounds of hell were after you.”

Serena dropped her head and put her hands over her face. “I love him, Faith.”

“Whoa, back up,” Julie interjected. “I was with you up until that part. You love the guy—after only one week, mind you—but instead of sticking around to see how things work out, you dump him? Makes perfect sense to me.”

“You don’t understand,” Serena said as she raised her head again.

Faith leaned forward on her chair and took Serena’s hand in hers. “Then make us understand, Serena. Because you’re obviously miserable. You’ve been avoiding us. You’re not eating. You’re not sleeping. And Julie’s right. You look like hell warmed over. It has to stop.”

“How do you stop loving someone?” Serena asked. “I don’t even know if it’s him I love or if I’m in love with the fantasy he gave me. Do you see my problem now? And how am I supposed to believe he loves me when I never gave him the real me, the real Serena? He loves a fantasy. He loves the ideal I sold him.”

Faith expelled a long breath. Even Julie had nothing to say for once. Finally Faith scooted in closer to Serena and looked her hard in the eye.

“Are you sure you didn’t give him the real Serena?” Faith asked gently. “Is the thought of what he wants so abhorrent to you?”

“It was a game,” Serena said. “A role I played, a role he played.”

Faith held up her hand. “Whatever you may think about your actions, let me assure you that Damon never played a role. What you saw, what you got, was Damon. He doesn’t play games. Yes, he entered into the agreement but it was because you wanted what he could give you. He didn’t have to act, Serena. That’s the real Damon.”

“Look, I appreciate what you guys are trying to do. Believe me. But I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to rehash it because that’s all I’ve done for the past week. I just want to forget.”

Even as she said it, a cold chill snaked through her veins, and she clutched the jacket tighter around her. Maybe she was coming down with a bug. God knew she hadn’t been taking care of herself worth a damn.

Damon would have taken care of you. He would have never let you get so run-down.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. It wasn’t Damon’s responsibility to take care of her. It was hers.

“Can you forget?” Faith asked. “Really? Or are you instead going to screw up the best thing that’s ever happened to you because you’re afraid?”

Serena gave her friend a startled look. “Afraid?”

“Yeah, afraid. Afraid that if you put your faith, your well-being, your entire self in Damon’s hands, that he’ll let you down, that he’ll screw up.”

“Serena, if that’s the case, then you’ll never have a relationship with a man,” Julie said with a sigh. “Believe me, I know. I’m not sure that fear ever goes away. We’re women. We’re conditioned to fear betrayal, I think. Or at least it feels that way.”

“It’s not that,” Serena said quietly. “Damon wouldn’t hurt me. I know that. I’m afraid I can’t be what he needs. I’m afraid I’ll hurt him.”

Faith sighed. “Shouldn’t you let Damon decide whether or not he wants to take the risk?”

Serena had no answer for that. The question discomfited her because it was too close to the truth. She’d taken the decision out of Damon’s hands entirely.

She buried her face in her hands. She was so damn tired. She wanted to sleep for a year.