Sweet Persuasion (Sweet #2)(79)

He . . . loved her.

He shook his head in denial though there was no one to see it. An intelligent man learned from his mistakes. He’d already loved a woman he couldn’t hold on to, only he hadn’t known it until too late. From the beginning he’d known he couldn’t have Serena, and it should have been easy to keep his emotions separate from their arrangement.

Should have been was just another way of saying he’d f**ked up.

He dragged a hand through his hair and tilted his head up to stare at the ceiling. What the f**k was he going to do for the next three weeks? Continue living a lie while he gave a little more of himself away in the process?

He lowered his head until he once again found her soft outline nestled in his bed. His bed. His woman. What he wouldn’t give for it to be real.

Three weeks. He could take what she offered or he could have nothing at all. Were three weeks worth having knowing she’d walk away after they were over? She was close to walking now. He’d seen it in her eyes even as he hoped with everything he had that she’d stay.

All or nothing was bullshit. It never worked out that way. Life was all about taking what you could get when you could get it and surviving when it wasn’t enough.

Yeah, he’d take the three weeks, because when it was over, it would be all he’d have of her to hold on to. The memory of when, for a time, she was his.

Serena woke from a drugged sleep, her eyes heavy and swollen. For a moment she simply stared out the window, as she realized that she was still alone in bed. Then her gaze flickered to the chair next to the window, and she blinked when she saw Damon sitting there, angled to the side.

He was asleep.

She threw off the covers and her feet hit the floor as she hurried from the bed. Ignoring the soreness of her muscles and the tingling of her back, she flew across the floor.

She came to a halt in front of him, her hands outstretched to touch him. But she remained still as she simply drank in his appearance.

He looked tired, his hair rumpled and the shadow of stubble on his jaw. He was wearing the same clothes he’d worn at the party the evening before. The same clothes, minus the belt he’d used on her back.

There was a vulnerable look to his face in sleep. An opportunity to see his expression unguarded. Slowly, she sank to her knees between his legs and laid her head against his thigh.

He stirred, and she took his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. And then she brought his hand to her lips and kept it there.

“Serena,” he whispered.

Though it was hard, and she feared what she’d see in his eyes, she raised her head to meet his gaze. She didn’t like to think of how she appeared, so open and unguarded, her feelings and uncertainty so evident, but she owed him this.

“I’m sorry,” she said in a low voice. “You didn’t deserve how I treated you yesterday. You’ve been so good to me, Damon.”

He raised his hand to cup her jaw, and he rubbed his thumb tenderly over her cheek.

“You sound as though you’re saying good-bye,” he said, and she was surprised to hear a note of sadness in his voice.

“I would think you’d want me to leave. I’m not proving to be a very good slave,” she said wryly.

He stroked her face, his fingers feathering over her cheekbone. “I want you to stay, Serena mine. I want it more than anything.”

“Then I’ll stay.”

The resolve in her words shook her. They sounded so final when she herself was so uncertain. She didn’t want to make a promise she couldn’t keep. They had a contract, for God’s sake. One that could be withdrawn if one or more of the parties desired. This wasn’t supposed to be personal. It was business.

“What are you thinking?” he asked. “A shadow crossed over your face, and you suddenly seem so sad.”

She sighed and rubbed her cheek against his palm. “This wasn’t supposed to become so . . .”

“Involved? Emotional? Painful?”

She nodded. He’d used just the right words. How else to describe the rawness and the ache that had nothing to do with the kiss of the belt. “Maybe we shouldn’t continue . . . this,” she said.

“I won’t make the decision for you,” Damon said. “I want you to stay but I can’t and won’t make you.”

“I want to be here,” she said as she swallowed back the throb in her voice.

“Then you should stay.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

He tugged at her chin and rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip. “It is simple. If you want to stay, then don’t go.”

“I feel as though I’ve lost something. Some part of myself. But I don’t know what, so how can I have missed it?”

“And what have you gained?” he asked softly.

She stared at him with wide eyes, his question hitting her hard enough to knock the breath from her. Gained. Lost. Wasn’t life a never ending process of both?

She looked down, unsure of what to say. He turned his wrist to glance at his watch and then made a sound of regret.

“You’re going to be late if you don’t shower and dress now, Serena mine.”

She laid her head down on his lap for a long moment as his fingers trickled down her hair. Then she nodded and pushed herself to stand in front of him. And waited.