Sweet Evil (The Sweet Trilogy #1)(49)

Funny.

“There’s something else I’m confused about,” I said. “If I had a baby someday, would the childbirth kill me?”

“Yes, it would. Why? Are you thinking of conceiving?”

I gave his arm a little shove and he grinned, but he got serious again before answering.

“I’m not certain why, but nobody survives.”

I thought of my mother’s singing, and her love for me inside of her. She must have known she wouldn’t live to hold me, and yet she exuded pure joy.

“Were you able to sense your mother’s feelings when she was pregnant with you?” I asked him.

“Yes, I suppose because we were sharing a life source. I could sense moments of affection directed at me, even brief glimpses of love, but mostly she despaired. No doubt she was suffering from obsession with my father, but he saw her only as a vessel for his use. She was chosen for her beauty, and physical characteristics in her family that complemented his. When I was very small I asked him what happened to her and he said, ‘You killed her—shame, too. She was nice to look at.’”

He brought a hand up and ran his fingers through his hair, blocking my view of his face so I couldn’t see any hint of emotion that might have been there. I had a violent image of kicking Kaidan’s father in his prized lust parts. He cleared his throat and began again.

“My father has had one child in each life, all trained in music and manners, and highly educated.”

He stated the facts without any interest.

“Are any of them still living?”

“No.”

“You might have relatives out there. Maybe I do, too!”

“No, we don’t. Don’t get excited. There are no descendants.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“The details aren’t important.”

“They’re important to me.”

“Please, Ann, not right now. I’ll tell you everything later, just not right now. I’m not in the mood for your tears. It’s been a nice day.”

I didn’t want to be protected through ignorance. I hated that he thought I would cry, and hated even more that he was probably right. Kaidan pointed out the window at a sign. We were entering California.

I took a deep breath. I would go to the prison tomorrow and meet another of Lucifer’s Dukes. My own father.

What was the worst that could happen? If I prepared myself, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt as badly. He could refuse to see me. He could see me, but be hateful and rude and tell me never to come back. No matter what, I would be okay. I didn’t need him, I told myself. I needed information from him, yes. But I had Patti to give me love.

“Can I use your phone?” I asked.

He handed it to me, and I took out the paper with the number to the convent. A woman answered after three rings.

“Convent of Our Mother Mary, this is Sister Emily speaking.”

“Hello, Sister Emily, my name is Anna Whitt—”

“Ah, yes. Sister Ruth has been waiting for you, and try as I may, she will not relay a message of any sort. She insists on seeing you.”

Hope bubbled up inside me.

“That’s why I’m calling. I’m in California now. I want to come see her right away.”

“Unfortunately Sister Ruth has been in a comatose state for over twenty-four hours now. This isn’t the first time. She’s pulled herself out of it before, so we can only hope she’ll do it again.”

“Do you think maybe I can just come and sit with her?”

“Dear, we have someone sitting with her around the clock. Why don’t you give me a number where I can contact you, and I’ll let you know the moment she comes to—that is, if it’s okay with you.”

“Yes, please,” I said. “Please call me the very second she wakes up; I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night.”

I closed my eyes after hanging up. Please don’t let her die yet.

“I’m curious about something,” Kaidan said.

“Yes?”

“Do you even feel the full temptations of sin, or are you just extremely self-controlled? Because even when I’ve seen you feeling dark emotions, it’s so brief.”

I thought about it. “Of course I feel temptation, but I’m really aware of it, so I can sort of squash most of the urges before they have time to register. Rules are meant to protect us, so I follow them. Something might feel good at the moment, but the consequences are scary.” I paused. “That sounds lame, doesn’t it?”

“Just... fascinating, is all. Have you never outright sinned, then?”

“I disobeyed Patti when she told me to stay away from you.”

“Right. I remember that one. So just once, then?”

“There was this other time....” I thought about the two girls in the bathroom and stopped myself, blanching.

“Yes? Go on,” he urged.

He watched the road, but excitement underscored his tone. I rubbed my dampening palms down my shorts.

“The night we met, I sort of... well, I flat-out told a lie. On purpose.”

I thought he was trying not to smile.

“To me?” he asked.

“No. About you.”

Now he unleashed that devastating smile of his, crinkling the corners of his eyes. My face was aflame.