Summer Days (Fool's Gold #7)(75)

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked, when she’d added her artificial sweetener and stirred her drink.

“I told you. You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I said I was done with your services. I’ll pay you whatever is owed, but I don’t want you getting me any more dates.”

“Because of Heidi?”

“What? No. Because of a lot of things.”

Nina didn’t look convinced.

Back in her office, he’d thought she was in her early forties. But out in the bright sunlight, he could see more lines around her eyes and pegged her at a few years older. Not that her age made any difference. She was still a pain in his ass.

“I said I’d find you a wife, and I will.”

“I don’t want to find a wife right now.”

“Because of Heidi.”

He sighed. “Didn’t I already say no to that?”

“I don’t believe you. I saw how you were looking at her.” She leaned close. “Have you two had sex?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Which means yes. Oh, Rafe, I meet a lot of interesting people in my business. You’re not the kind of man who needs a matchmaker, but you wanted one.”

“I made a mistake once. I don’t want to make another mistake.”

“By finding the perfect wife.”

“I’m not interested in love.” Mostly because he didn’t believe in it.

What he’d had with his first wife had faded away. Shane and his first wife had been crazy in love, and she’d cheated on him every chance she got. If love existed, it did so in a world of pain and betrayal. Better to find someone he could be friends with. Someone who wanted what he wanted and shared his goals and values. Maybe that wasn’t romantic, but it made sense to him.

“You’re afraid,” Nina told him firmly. “You’re afraid of falling in love for real this time, because you don’t know what it will do to you.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he told her. “You don’t know that much about me.”

“I know enough. I know you were the one who took care of your family when your dad died, even though you were, what, eight or nine?”

His past had been written about in the press a few times. He supposed Nina was thorough and had done her research. “I’m not driven by something I saw as a kid,” he said firmly.

“Maybe not, but you’re influenced by it. You saw what happened to your mom, and you filed that information away. When it was your turn, you picked what you thought was the perfect wife. You went through the motions, dated, got married. I would guess you didn’t love her, though. You weren’t willing to risk those intense feelings.”

“Thanks for stopping by,” he said, turning away.

She stepped in front of him. “Let me guess. About the time you met your first wife, someone close to you also got involved. But his or her relationship was different. Intense, wild. What they had scared you, so you went in the other direction.”

He refused to speak, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about Shane. Nina was right. Shane had met Rachel about a year before he, Rafe, got married. They’d been passionate lovers from the first day. Shane had talked about being swept away by passion, how Rachel was everything to him. Rafe had tried to warn his brother to be careful, but Shane had refused to listen.

Rafe told himself Nina was guessing. She’d been in the business a long time and had picked up a few tricks. This was one of them. Maybe she had a point. Maybe he had been too cautious the first time around. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t make a reasonably well thought-out relationship work.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be sure,” he said at last.

She gave him a sad, knowing smile. “You’re wrong. Love isn’t about being sure. Love is about risking it all. The only way to be truly in love is to give with your whole heart. To put it out there and be vulnerable. To offer all you have without knowing if it will be enough. Love is standing naked in front of the world and announcing, ‘This is who I am,’ then waiting to be accepted or not.”

“Then I’m not interested.”

“It’s worth it,” Nina told him. “I promise you that. If you find the right person, it’s amazing. Notice I’m not saying ‘the one.’ I don’t believe there’s just one person for each of us. There are many, and sometimes we can find that magic a second or third time. You never found it at all.”

“I don’t need that in my life.”

“Yes, you do. At least once, Rafe. Risk your heart.”

He shook his head. “Are we done here?”

“No, but you can go. I’m now a woman on a mission. I want to see you happily married.”

He held in a groan. “This I don’t need right now.”

“That’s okay. I can wait.”

* * *

BY EARLY AFTERNOON, RAFE was ready to run screaming into the mountains around Fool’s Gold. He’d managed to escape from Nina, only to continue setting up for the carnival. The dart game he’d started to put together required him blowing up hundreds of balloons. The tall, skinny guy who had introduced himself as Ham had shown him three empty, massive cardboard boxes and said they had to be filled with balloons. Then he’d pointed to a box of balloons and an air compressor. He’d slapped Rafe on the back and disappeared. Rafe sensed he’d been had.