Strings of the Heart (Runaway Train #3)(77)
“I’ve completed most of the field work, and I can finish the designs and clothes at home. I’m sure Miriam would work with me over Skype.”
I felt myself drowning even more in the quicksand of panic about her leaving. “But what about the twins? As much as you love them, you’re just going to leave?”
Tears streaked down Allison’s face. “I love them more than anything in the world, but right now, I have to love myself more.”
I shook my head back and forth. “No, you can’t do this. I won’t let you.”
Her dark eyes narrowed at me. “Here’s a newsflash, Rhys. You don’t get to tell me what to do. Since you’re not my boyfriend, let alone a true friend, you don’t even get to suggest anything for me to do. In the vast scheme of things, you don’t matter at all. You’re just the heartless bastard who broke my heart.”
Her words cut through my chest to pierce my soul. “Allison, please believe me when I say that I’m so f**king sorry. If I could take it all back, I would.”
“No, you’re not. You say those words because they’re easy, but your actions? They’ll just keep on torturing me.”
When she started to brush past me to make it to the door, I reached out for her. “Please, Allison, let me make it right,” I said.
“Don’t touch me!” she cried, slapping my hands away.
I hung my head in shame. “I did this to you. I caused you this pain, and I have to make it right. I’m sorry. Please, please, let me make it up to you. Please…don’t go.”
Burying her face in her hands, Allison said, “Rhys, I meant it. Leave. Now!”
“I can’t. Not until you hear me out. I owe you at least that much.”
Allison jerked her head up and glared icily at me. “Here, let me help you then.” With all the strength she had in her, she shoved me toward the door. “Get out!”
“Why won’t you listen to me? I can’t leave you right now because I need you too much. And I can’t let you leave me.”
Her eyelids fluttered as she blinked rapidly. “What?”
“I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry that I lied when I said I didn’t care about you. Most of all, I’m sorry for ever causing you so much pain.” I ran my hand nervously through my hair. “This afternoon after I left you in Jake and Abby’s suite, I did some serious soul-searching.” I thought it was best to leave out the part with Sierra at the moment. “Finally, it hit me like a f**king epiphany, and it was like I saw everything clearly for the first time.” Reaching for her hand, I took it in mine and squeezed. “I’ve been lying to you about my feelings, but most of all, I’ve been lying to myself.”
“Rhys, I—” she began.
I shook my head. “Please. Just listen.” I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it gently. “Hear me when I say that I’ve fallen for you, Allison Slater—heart, soul, and body. That I probably first felt something for you when you were just sixteen—the night I kissed you for the first time. Something changed within me that night—like fate was giving me a preview of things to come. But like everything else with you, I chose to ignore it. Then I came to see you in Savannah, and while I just wanted to believe we were having fun like friends would, the truth was there all along, just waiting beneath the surface to be revealed. And then when the truth was revealed, I got scared, and like a f**king coward, I drove you away and then I ran. That was an ass**le move, and I’m sorry. All the while I knew that I cared very deeply for you. I always have. When it came time to see you again for the tour, I, again, convinced myself it would be better off to be friends, to forget that wonderful night of mind blowing sex had ever happened.”
I couldn’t help smiling when red tinged her cheeks from my mentioning the sex. “But it wasn’t just the pleasure of being buried deep inside you or the way your soft skin felt like velvet against mine or the sweet as honey way you tasted on my lips. It was the fact I was making love for the first time—to someone I deeply cared about who was a best friend. A soul mate even. There was no better feeling in the world for me than when I held you in my arms and finally allowed myself to let go. ”
While Allison’s eyes bulged at my profession, I wasn’t finished yet. “During those two weeks in Savannah, I grew to love you more and more. You made me feel important…like I really mattered. And despite all my bullshit hang-ups, you wanted to be with me. I know that after the way I’ve treated you, I don’t deserve a second chance. I callously pushed you too far and for too long, and I regret my f**king abhorrent behavior. But I would give anything in the world if you would let me prove that I’m worthy of you. That I’m not worthless and that I can do right by you.”
Allison’s dark eyes widened at my words. “You really mean that? No more just being friends or ignoring how good we can be together?”
I shook my head. “No, never again.”
“What about Jake?”
With a shrug, I replied, “Well, he’ll just have to deal with it.”
“Really?” she asked, incredulously.
“Yes, really.”
“I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you’re standing in front of me right now, telling me this.”