Somewhere I'll Find You (Capital Theatre #1)(33)

“And if you do eventually find my daughter?” Eva inquired. “What are your intentions toward her, my lord?”

“From all indications, Julia is either afraid or unwilling to take her place as my wife. God knows I don't blame her. We're complete strangers. All I want is to know that she is well, and that she has everything she needs. Then I intend to resolve the matter in any way Julia prefers.”

“What if she wants to remain your wife? She may desire to become a duchess someday.”

“Then let her tell me so herself,” Damon replied grimly, his tension suddenly whipping out of control. “Let me see it in her eyes, and hear it in her voice. Damn her, I'd like to know what she desires, so I can stop looking for her and be done with this!” Instantly he regretted the outburst, fearing he had offended the delicate creature. “Pardon—” he muttered, but she waved the apology away and looked at him with disconcerting understanding.

“More than anything,” she said, “my daughter wishes to make choices for herself…and she has always rebelled against the fact that one of the greatest choices of all was stolen from her. Of course you must feel the same way.”

Suddenly Damon's emotions rushed within him like a river battering against a crumbling dam. There was no one in the world he trusted enough to confide in, not even William. His problems, his feelings, had always been his own burden, and he alone had been responsible for them. But at this moment the need to tell them to someone was one of the most powerful compulsions he had ever known.

Damon flexed his hands and spread his palms on his knees. “Yes, I feel the same way,” he said, his voice raspy. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. “I know why Julia rebelled, and why she's unable to face the consequences of what Lord Hargate and my father arranged. Although I've always known it wasn't her fault, I still blamed Julia for things she had nothing to do with. For years I hated her, almost as much as I hated my father for being a spendthrift and a gambler. I tried to forget her very existence. My mother's death and my father's ill health enabled me to bury myself in a world of new responsibilities. But Julia was always there in the back of my mind. I've never been able to love anyone, never felt I had the right to, because of her. I realized I could only be free of her by facing her.”

“I never realized how the marriage would affect the two of you,” Eva murmured. “At the time it seemed to make a strange sort of sense. Two families of good blood, ensuring that their children would each have a suitable life's partner…I felt relief, knowing that my daughter's future was taken care of, and that she would someday have a title that everyone would respect. Perhaps it would have been an acceptable arrangement for any other child but Julia. Unfortunately, I didn't know that my own family would be torn apart by the decision I acquiesced to. I didn't understand what a strong will she had…has,” she corrected with a rueful smile.

“What is she like?” Damon heard himself ask thickly.

“Julia doesn't resemble me, or her father…it seemed that even as a child she relied on her own opinions and judgment rather than defer to ours. I wish she weren't quite so independent—I don't believe that is a particularly useful quality for a woman. But there is another side to her, fanciful, passionate, and vulnerable. She has infinite moods and interests. I've never found her to be the least bit predictable…”

As Damon stared at Lady Hargate, his attention was caught by the glitter of jewels amid the ruffles at her throat. She kept talking, but the meaning of the words was suddenly elusive, all sound muffled by the startled drumming of his heart. He glanced away to keep from betraying his thoughts, but an image burned brightly in his mind, and sudden knowledge exploded inside him. He fought to keep his breathing steady.

She was wearing the ruby pin he had given Jessica Wentworth.

There was no other like it in the world, and no possible way Lady Hargate could have received it except…

It had been a gift from her daughter…Jessica Wentworth…Julia Hargate.

Chapter 5

It was difficult for Damon to keep from staring at the ruby pin. He had bought it for Jessica Wentworth, and he had taken pleasure in the idea that she might wear something he had given her. So many things were beginning to make sense…her elusiveness, her mysteriously absent husband, her instant recognition of the rare roses that had been a gift from her mother to his all those years ago.

Questions seared through his mind, followed by conclusions that made his mouth harden bitterly. Why hadn't she told him who she was? What kind of game had she been playing? He had thought she felt the same attraction for him that he had for her, but perhaps it was all an illusion. She was an actress, a skilled one. She must have planned to make him fall in love with her, while she laughed inwardly because he didn't know she was his wife.

His blood raced with anger and hurt pride. He could hardly wait to get his hands on her and throttle her for what she had put him through. Three years of fruitless searching, while she had been hiding in the most public place of all—the theater. He had imagined Julia Hargate as a fragile dove seeking refuge from the unbearable circumstances of her marriage, and instead she was a successful actress with a talent for deceit.

No wonder her family hadn't wanted to admit what had become of her. It was unheard of for a young woman of her fortune and breeding to turn to a life on the stage. Most of Lord Hargate's peers would sneer and call Julia a disgrace. All the same, Damon was aware of a sneaking admiration for her boldness. It had taken courage to accomplish what she had, surviving—no, prospering—with nothing but her own talent. She had made tremendous sacrifices and undertaken serious risks to attain her goal. Her disdain for the arranged marriage, and her desire to thwart her father's wishes, must have been formidable.