Somewhere I'll Find You (Capital Theatre #1)(31)

“And you never told him…” Eva's voice drifted into silence.

“No, I couldn't. And he doesn't suspect a thing. To him I'm merely an actress he's taken an interest in.” She gripped her mother's slender hands more tightly. “He claims to be a bachelor. It appears that he refuses to acknowledge the marriage.”

Inexplicably, a guilty look came over Eva's face. “What do you think of him, Julia? Do you find him appealing?”

“Well, I…” Uneasily Julia pulled her hands away and toyed with a fold of her skirts, pleating the soft aqua muslin with her fingers. “I suppose anyone would say that he's handsome. And he certainly is a fascinating man.” A reluctant smile came to her lips. “We have many of the same flaws, I think. He's guarded and untrusting, and he seems determined to control every aspect of his life, so that no one can do to him what his father did all those years ago.” She shook her head and laughed shortly. “It's no surprise that he never wanted to find me! I doubt he ever gives a thought to Julia Hargate, except to hope that I've somehow disappeared from the face of the earth.”

“That's not true, Julia.” Eva sighed and looked away, seeming to cringe in discomfort at what she was about to reveal. “Three years ago Lord Savage came to Hargate Hall, demanding to know where you were. We told him nothing, of course, except to say that you were abroad and unreachable. Ever since then we have received occasional visits from people in his employ, making new inquiries about you. Lord Savage has most definitely been trying to find you.”

Julia stared at her in bewilderment. “Why…why wasn't I told that he was looking for me?”

“I didn't believe you were ready to face Lord Savage. I wanted the choice to be yours. If you had ever desired to meet him, you could have gone to him of your own volition. And your father didn't want Savage to find you, for fear that you would act impetuously, and lose the title and position he had gained for you.”

Julia made a sound of frustration and leaped to her feet. “Will the two of you ever tire of manipulating me? I should have been told! I didn't know that Savage wanted to see me!”

“Would it have made a difference?” her mother asked softly. “Would you have wanted to see him then?”

“I don't know. But I should have had the choice!”

“You've always had a choice,” Eva pointed out. “You could have met him long ago, but you chose to avoid him. Just the other night you had the opportunity to tell him who you were, and you chose to keep silent. How can I tell what it is you want, my dear, when even you don't know?”

Julia paced wildly around the room. “I want to be free of him! My marriage to Savage should have been dismissed a long time ago. I'm positive he wants it to end as much as I do, especially after what Lady Ashton told me.”

“Who is Lady Ashton? Why do you mention her?”

“She's his mistress,” Julia said sourly. “And she claims to be pregnant with his child.”

“Pregnant,” Eva repeated in shock, although she usually shrank from such indelicate words. “Oh…what a terrible complication.”

“Not at all. The situation is very simple. I'm going to end all ties with Lord Savage.”

“Julia, I beg you not to act rashly.”

“Rashly? It's taken me years to make this decision. I don't think anyone would claim I've rushed into anything.”

“You've spent so much time avoiding the consequences of your past…avoiding him,” Eva said earnestly. “You must face your husband at last and tell him the truth, and deal with the situation together—”

“He's not my husband. I've never accepted him as such. That so-called marriage was nothing but a sham. I can easily find a lawyer to confirm its validity and notify Lord Savage.”

“And what then? Will it be like this for the rest of our lives? Must I see you in secret for the rest of my days? Will you never try to make peace with your father, and bring yourself to forgive him?”

The mention of her father made Julia's jaw harden. “He doesn't want my forgiveness.”

“Even so, you must give it to him, not for his sake but your own.” Eva's eyes were filled with love and pleading. “You're not a rebellious girl any longer, Julia. You're an independent woman with a strong spirit—much stronger than my own. However, you mustn't lose the gentle part of your nature, the part that is tender and compassionate. If you nurture this bitterness in yourself, I'm afraid of what will become of you. In spite of everything, I still have the same dreams for you that every mother has for her daughter, to have your own husband and home and family—”

“I won't have that with Lord Savage,” Julia said stubbornly.

“Will you at least talk to him?”

“I can't—” Julia began, but she was interrupted by a hesitant knock at the door. It was Polly, a housemaid who had been in the Hargates' employ for almost twenty years. She was a humorless but kind woman with a small, owlish face. Julia had always liked her for her utter devotion to Eva.

“Ma'am,” Polly murmured to Eva, “there is a visitor asking to see Lord Hargate. I told him the master wasn't at home…and then he asked for you.”