Slammed (Slammed #1)(32)

“Then talk!" I snap.

"Dammit, Lake! I'm not your enemy. Stop hating me."

He's being Will.

I rush toward him and throw my hands up in the air in frustration. "Stop hating you? Make up your freaking mind Will! Last night, you told me to stop loving you, now you're telling me to stop hating you? You tell me you don't want me to wait on you, yet you act like an immature little boy when I agree to go out with Nick! You want me to act like I don't know you, but then you pull me out of the lunchroom in front of everyone! We've got this whole façade between us, like we're different people all the time and it's exhausting! I never know when you're Will or Mr. Cooper and I really don't know when I'm supposed to be Layken or Lake."

I'm tired of playing his head games. I'm so tired.

I throw myself into the desk I occupy during his class. He is hard to read as he stands there, expressionless. His hands are in his pockets and he's leaning against the chalkboard.

He slowly walks around me and takes a seat in the desk behind me. I continue to face forward as I feel him lean forward in the desk, close enough to whisper. My body tenses and my chest tightens when he speaks.

"I didn't think it would be this hard," he says quietly.

I don't want to give him the gratification of seeing the tears that are making their way down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry I said that to you earlier, about Thursday," he says. "I was being sincere-for the most part. I know you'll need someone to watch Kel and I did make the slam a required assignment. But I shouldn't have reacted like that. That's why I asked you to come here, I just needed to apologize. It won't happen again, I swear."

The door to the classroom swings open and Will hops up out of the seat as Eddie eyes us curiously from the doorway. She's holding the backpack that I left in the cafeteria. I can't conceal the tears that are still flowing from my eyes so I turn away from her. There's nothing Will nor I could do at this point to mask the tension between us.

Eddie holds her palms up and gently lays my backpack on the desk closest to the door. She backs out of the room as she whispers, "My bad…continue." She closes the door behind her.

"That’s just great," Will mutters.

"Let it go, Will," I say as I stand up and walk to my backpack. "If she asks me about it, I'll just tell her you were upset because I said ass**le. And jackass. And dickhead. And bastar-"

"I get your point!" he snaps.

My hand is on the doorknob when he calls my name again. I pause.

"I also want to say I'm sorry-about last night," he says.

I turn toward him as I speak. "Are you sorry you let it happen? Or sorry about the way you stopped it?"

He cocks his head and shrugs his shoulders as if he doesn't understand my question. "All of it. It never should have happened.”

"Bastard," I finish.

***

The engine of my jeep purrs its' familiar sound when I crank it, and that pisses me off too. I slam my fist against the steering wheel, wishing so many things. I wish I never would have met Will the first week I was here. It would have been so much easier if I'd have met him in class first. Or better yet, I wish we never would have even moved to Ypsilanti. I wish my dad were alive. I wish my mother wasn't being so vague about her errands. I wish Caulder wasn't at our house every day. Seeing him just makes me think of Will. I wish Will would never have fixed my jeep. I hate that he does considerate things like that. It would make it so much easier to hate him if he really was all those things I called him. Oh my god, I can't believe I called him all those names. Wait, no regrets.

***

I pick the boys up from school and drive home. I beat Will home today, but I won’t be waiting at the window. I’m done waiting at the window.

"We'll be at Caulder's," Kel yells as they slam the jeep door.

Good.

When I walk inside, I hear my mother talking to someone in her bedroom. I pause outside her door. It's a one-sided conversation so she must be on the phone. Normally, I would never eavesdrop on one of her conversations. However, her behavior lately warrants a little nosiness. Or maybe my behavior warrants a little rebellion. Either way, I cup my ear to the door.

"I know. I know. I'll tell them soon," she whispers.

"No, I think it will go over better if I tell them alone…"

"Of course I will. I love you too, Babe."

She's signing off. I quietly tiptoe to my bedroom and slip inside. I shut the door behind me and slide to the floor.

Seven months now. It took her all of seven months to move on. She can't be seeing someone else already, but her words on the phone couldn't have been more clear. I'm in stage one again: Denial.

How could she? And whoever he is, he already wants her to introduce us to him? I already don't like him. And her nerve! How could she accost Will like she did, when what she's doing is just as deplorable, if not worse? Stage one is extremely brief. I'm back in stage two again: Anger.

I decide not to bring it up right away. I want to find out more before I confront her about it. I want the upper hand in this situation, and it's going to take some thought.

"Lake? Are you back?" She's knocking on my door. I have to roll forward and hop up to get out of the way when she opens it. She sees me stand and her eyebrows raise as she watches me jump up.