Shades of Gray (KGI #6)(85)

It was just her and Sam in the room and she bravely faced him, determined to take whatever it was he would say. She deserved his censure. Deserved it publicly, though she was grateful he seemed inclined to do it privately.

“How are you, really, P.J?” Sam asked quietly.

Startled, she could only stare at him. She didn’t even know how to answer his question, because in truth, she didn’t know how she was. She hadn’t had time to evaluate her situation or how she felt about anything at all, because her entire focus had been on Cole and his recovery.

“I think I’m okay,” she said truthfully. And maybe she was. She felt lighter. Not as weighed down. Not as angry.

“I’m glad to hear it. We’ve—I’ve—been worried about you. I don’t want to lose you. You’re too good. You’re family.”

Her mouth wobbled and she steeled herself, determined to be professional.

He blew out a long breath. “Officially I can’t sanction what you did. But off the record? I’m glad you kicked the ever-loving shit out of Brumley and his cronies, and I want you to know that officially or unofficially, I and KGI have your back. One hundred percent. Always. And don’t ever doubt it.”

Oh goddamn, she was never going to make it through this.

Sam leveled a stare at her that was so full of understanding and concern that her chest tightened and her throat swelled.

“When we went in and rescued Rachel, I had every intention of going back myself. For revenge. For information. I had every intention of doing whatever it took to get the information I needed and wanted so that I would know my family was safe.

“I understand how you feel, P.J., and I want you to know that I’m not judging you, because in your shoes, I would have done the exact same thing if what happened to you had happened to any member of my family. And you are family. In the future you should be willing, and I will demand that you be willing, to rely more heavily on your family instead of going it alone.

“I’m not pissed because you did what you did. I’m pissed because you thought you had to do it alone and that you couldn’t come to us for help. I would have used every resource available to KGI and to me personally to track that bastard down and make him pay. Never believe for one moment that you’re alone. Are we understood?”

Silent tears slipped down P.J.’s cheeks. It was too much. For too long she’d carried her burden alone, and now there were multiple people only too willing to share in that load.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He walked hesitantly toward her and then wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug.

“You just looked like you needed one,” he said. “Now get your ass out of here before Cole gets impatient and worried and comes back in after you. And I want you two to take it easy for the next two months and come back completely recovered.”

“Thank you,” she said as she pulled away. “For everything, Sam. For understanding.”

He smiled. “Just remember that you have people who care about you. And don’t be afraid to ask those people for help. You could have saved yourself a whole hell of a lot of trouble if you’d just stuck around.”

She nodded, not disputing his statement. Even though she didn’t regret the track she’d taken. She was at peace with her decisions. She was at peace with the choices she’d made. Now she just wanted to put it all behind her and move ahead with Cole.

She walked out into the sunlight, squinting at the wash of sunshine. Then she breathed in the sweet scent of honeysuckle she so associated with the lake and the KGI compound.

She didn’t have to look far to see Cole. He was waiting for her just a few feet away, and his whole face changed when he saw her.

He’d been talking with Dolphin, but as soon as he looked her way, his eyes softened with so much love that it made her weak. And a little scared.

Knowing someone cared about her that much meant she had the power to hurt them, and she’d do anything at all never to hurt Cole again.

As if sensing her inner turmoil, he broke away from Dolphin and walked slowly in her direction.

“Hey, everything okay?” he asked.

She leaned into him even though he hadn’t initiated contact. She just wanted that closeness and to be near him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest, surprising him with her spontaneity.

He was likely thinking she was on the verge of meltdown because she’d just hugged him in front of everyone and didn’t give a shit who was looking on.

“I’m perfect now that I’m with you,” she said. “And now we have two whole months of nothing to do.”

Cole smiled. “Oh, I’m sure I can think of something.”

CHAPTER 40

WARM hands slid sensuously over P.J.’s bare back, and she moaned softly, arching into Cole’s touch. Damn but the man was spoiling her sinfully.

His mouth soon followed and he kissed a line up her spine until he reached the sensitive skin at her nape. A full-body shiver overtook her despite the sun beating down on the both of them.

“I’m back,” he murmured against her ear.

She rolled on the beach towel, loving how his eyes darkened when he saw her br**sts. “I noticed. What’d you bring me back?”

“Mmmm, depends on how good you’ve been,” he teased.