Shades of Gray (KGI #6)(66)

She limped toward the gate that would take her around to the back of the house. It made her a total chickenshit that she wanted Cole with her, and she knew he’d come if only she asked. But this was supposed to be for her. Cole had gone to a lot of trouble, and she didn’t want to let him down. She didn’t want to let herself down.

She hesitated when she heard a child’s shriek of laughter and the accompanying laughter from the adults. She stood at the corner, watching the blond-haired little imp run after a golden retriever puppy while the women sat on the steps of the deck watching with big smiles on their faces.

They didn’t look like women who’d undergone the same kind of shit P.J. had been through, even though she knew differently. P.J. had been a part of each mission that had brought these women back home where they belonged. And they’d all endured their own version of hell. They were survivors. They were fierce. And shit, it killed her to admit it, but they intimidated her because she didn’t feel like she measured up. Especially after her freak-out last night.

She continued to watch from a distance, her gut tightening more with each passing moment. Of the four women, P.J. knew the least about Sarah. She was quieter and more withdrawn than the others. It always made P.J. grin that Garrett stayed in trouble with her over his potty mouth and was forever slipping up when she wasn’t around.

Cole had told her that she’d been raped before she and Garrett had met and that Sarah’s brother had killed the man responsible. P.J. had silently cheered him on, even back then before her own attack had happened.

A man couldn’t be all bad if he was willing to take out the monster responsible for hurting his sister.

P.J. most identified with Sophie, Sam’s wife. She was a fighter. Even five months pregnant and running for her life, she’d kicked some pretty serious ass. Hell, she’d even shot her own father. That took some balls.

But Rachel was also a resilient, kick-ass survivor in her own quiet way. Of all of them, she’d endured the most for the longest. A year in hell. One P.J. couldn’t even begin to imagine or fathom. What Rachel had suffered made what P.J. had experienced seem insignificant in comparison. P.J. had worried that Rachel may not ever fully recover. P.J. had been there when Ethan had carried her out of the jungle. She’d seen Rachel at her lowest point. But she’d come a long way from that frightened, powerless victim she’d been, and she’d made great strides thanks to the support network around her.

P.J. was envious of that if she was honest with herself. Every single Kelly would lay down his life for her or any of the other Kelly women. No hesitation. No regrets.

She was so absorbed in her analysis of the women that she failed to notice Sophie walking her way until the other woman was directly in front of her.

“Hi, P.J.,” Sophie said with a smile. “Cole said you were coming over. I’m very happy you did.”

P.J.’s palms were damp but she resisted the urge to wipe them down her pants. She managed a convincing smile back.

“Er, thanks for having me. I mean, it was nice of you guys to put your day on hold.”

Sophie waved her hand. “Come on over. The only part of the day we put on hold was the opening of the wine. Now that you’re here, we’re going to remedy that.” She finished with a genuine, warm smile that made P.J. relax and lose some of the awful tension in her gut.

She limped behind Sophie and found herself the object of scrutiny of the other three women as they watched her approach. Sure enough, as Sophie had said, there was a wine bottle and glasses on the patio table.

It reeked of a girly social. All that was missing was a teapot, some cute little mini sandwiches with the crusts cut off and some funky dip that looked like a cat puked in the bowl.

P.J. was more used to beer, bad music and even worse company. It surprised the hell out of her that she was actually starting to think this wasn’t going to be such a bad afternoon. It might even be . . . fun.

“Here’s P.J., finally home,” Sophie said. “She’s going to hang out with us today while she’s recovering. I figure she needs a break from Cole by now.” She turned back to P.J. “We’ve all been so worried about you.”

P.J. started to defend Cole, but she realized the other woman was simply teasing her. She shrugged off any remaining reluctance and offered a hesitant but genuine smile in the other women’s directions. They’d worried about her? They’d actually known she was gone? P.J. couldn’t imagine the overprotective Kellys allowing their women to know a whole lot about what went on with KGI. She wouldn’t have imagined that they would have known she’d left, much less worried over that fact.

“Hi, P.J.,” Shea offered, a broad smile widening her pretty features.

“How’s your leg?” Rachel asked in a soft voice. “Ethan said you were shot.”

P.J. looked down with a rueful smile. “It’s not too bad. A clean through and through. Could have been much worse. I’ll be back in action soon.”

Sarah shuddered. “I don’t see how you can live with the constant danger. And you’re so casual about being shot!”

“Just part of the job,” P.J. said easily. “It’s something you get used to.”

“Well, come and sit,” Sophie insisted. “Get off that leg. You need to have your feet up. Let me get you a glass of wine. I’ve told Sam to go find something to do and for the men not to bother us today. They’re probably somewhere cowering in fear of what evil plan we’re hatching.”