Shades of Gray (KGI #6)(57)

“I bet you used to give the boys hell and I bet no one messed with you on the playground.”

She sighed. “I was painfully shy. I was different from the other kids. No television. Just books. I wore dresses until I was a teenager. Wearing jeans to school my junior year was my big act of rebellion.”

He looked at her in utter confusion. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

She nodded. “Yup. I had a charismatic upbringing. Very holy-roller type of environment. Never cut my hair. Didn’t wear pants. Very patriarchal church and home life.”

Cole shook his head. “You’ve blown my mind. How in the hell did you go from that to where you are now?”

“My uncle was a big hunter and he used to take me. He’d let me dress up in camo and I felt like such a badass. We’d spend time sighting in our rifles and I was a natural. He encouraged my marksmanship. My mom had a fit when she realized just how much time I was spending ‘playing with the devil’s instruments,’ as she put it.”

“Wow,” Cole said. “I’m at a loss for words. It boggles the mind. I wouldn’t have guessed your background in a million years.”

P.J. chuckled. “Yeah, most people wouldn’t.”

“So what happened? I mean, what did they think when you joined S.W.A.T., and do they know what you do for KGI?”

Her lips turned down, and for a moment she was silent as she relived the last time she’d seen her mother.

“We uh . . . don’t speak.”

Cole frowned. “Ever?”

“Not since I left high school. She washed her hands of me. Said I’d never amount to anything. I was too bent on a life of sin. My older brother was already a pastor of his own church, and I guess they thought I should be more like him. The way I figure it, they pray for the world, and I save it.”

“So you seriously don’t talk to them? It was over? Just like that?”

The incredulity in his voice bordered on condemnation and it rubbed her the wrong way.

“I couldn’t be who they wanted me to be,” she said quietly. “And they weren’t willing to accept anything else. It wasn’t my choice.”

Cole grimaced. “I’m sorry. I probably sound all judgy. It’s just that I’d give anything to have my parents back. I can’t imagine not speaking to them or seeing them.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m being too touchy. I guess they’re still a sore subject for me. I hadn’t realized how much of one.”

“What about your dad? I mean, all you’ve mentioned is your mother and how she felt.”

P.J. curled her lip in disgust. “For such a patriarchal system in the church and supposedly the home, my mother wore the pants and my father was a spineless coward who shied away from any conflict. He wouldn’t have stood up for me or anyone else against my mother. She ruled the roost and it was her way or the highway.”

Cole shook his head. “That sucks. I guess I get why you have such a take-it-or-leave-it attitude. Can’t say I blame you.”

“I just stopped trying to be someone I wasn’t for people who’d never be satisfied with the end result anyway. Trying to please my mother was like trying to push a rope through the eye of a needle. I think my biggest sin was being born a girl who preferred to do boy things. She just wanted me to look pretty and marry young.”

“Lucky for me you’re such a rebel,” Cole said with a grin. “It would suck if you were married with half a dozen hellions attached to your apron strings.”

She shuddered. “Thanks for that image.”

He laughed. But then his expression grew serious. “I like you just the way you are, P.J. Don’t ever change. You’re a very special woman. Don’t ever think you aren’t.”

Warmth traveled to the very heart of her. Into her soul, chasing away long-held shadows and allowing the sun in after an endless winter.

She stared into his eyes, soaking up all the warmth she could. “I just want to say thank you, Cole.”

He cocked his head. “What for?”

“Everything. For being you. For being so patient with me. For having my back.”

His eyes softened. “I’ll always have your back, P.J. You’ll never have to look far to find me.”

CHAPTER 28

P.J. was awake early the next morning. Her leg was stiff and she could barely move it to get out of bed without screeching pain shooting up her thigh.

She flexed and stretched her leg, grimacing as she tried to loosen the muscles.

Knowing she’d have to strip down when she got to the hospital, she opted to wear sweats and a T-shirt, this time pulling on a sports bra.

When she limped into the kitchen, she saw Cole at the table drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper. It struck her how domestic the entire scene was. All that was missing was for her to walk over, kiss him and say good morning.

Was this what it was like for married couples? That comfortable existence that bordered on boring?

Cole looked up from the newspaper and his eyes warmed when he saw her. “Morning, P.J. How’s the leg?”

Yeah, she could totally see them falling into this kind of routine. She loved that he seemed happy to see her. Would that ever lessen? Would they end up taking each other for granted? Would they lose the easy friendship between them and start sniping like an old married couple?