Shades of Gray (KGI #6)(33)

CHAPTER 17

COLE knew whatever Steele had to say couldn’t be good. He’d called everyone to his home. Not the KGI facilities where business was usually dealt with and missions were outlined.

They only waited for Baker to make an appearance, and the atmosphere was thick with tension and nobody was talking.

He clenched and unclenched his fists and then rose from the patio seat because he could no longer just sit there idly while waiting to hear what Steele had for them.

The last few weeks had been a f**k storm of frustration and it was wearing on him. He’d gone on his own to Denver, hoping that P.J. was holed up in her apartment. He respected the need for her privacy, but he hated that she was alone and had no one to lean on after what had happened. No one was that much of a hard-ass. She had to crack sooner or later, and he didn’t want her alone with no one to help pick up the pieces.

And damn it, he wanted to be that person.

Sure he’d lusted after P.J. for a damn long time, but things had changed between them that night they’d spent at her apartment. He’d known it and he damn well knew she knew it as well. It was why she shut him down so quickly and wanted to pretend like nothing had ever happened.

Well, he couldn’t do that. No matter what she wanted, he couldn’t go back to the easy camaraderie and bullshit of before. Maybe this was one-sided, but he was carrying around a pretty heavy obsession for her and it sucked.

If he closed his eyes, he could still smell her. Taste her. Could feel her skin against his. But it wasn’t just sex. He could get that anywhere, and he’d gone a long time without because none of the women were P.J.

They just clicked. There was something indefinable about their connection, and he knew he couldn’t have been the only one to have felt it.

There was an audible sigh of relief when Baker strode through the door a moment later. He looked tense, as if he were expecting the worst. His gaze automatically swept the room, and he frowned, almost as if he were doing a head count.

Yeah, they were down one and it sucked.

“What’s up, Steele?” Baker asked.

“Take a seat,” Steele ordered.

Baker slid into one of the chairs and Cole remained standing. Steele didn’t even bark an order his way.

“P.J. came to see me two days ago,” Steele began.

Cole surged forward. “What the f**k? And you’re just now getting around to telling me—us? Where is she? How is she? Is she all right?”

Steele held up his hand. His expression was grim. “She quit the team.”

The entire room exploded with what-the-f*cks but Cole didn’t say a word. His nostrils flared and he heaved several breaths through them, willing himself not to lose complete control.

“Where is she now?” Cole gritted out. Like hell she was quitting. Of all the things he thought Steele might say, that wasn’t one of them.

Steele sighed. “I don’t know.”

Dolphin held up his hand, his head shaking in disbelief. But Cole beat him to the punch.

“Let me get this straight. P.J. came to you. She quit the team. And you just let her walk out of here and you have no idea where she is or where she was going?”

“I told her I wouldn’t accept her resignation,” Steele said. “She was adamant. She gave me this bullshit story about not wanting to bring the team down and that she needed time.”

“And you bought that load of crap?” Cole asked incredulously.

Everyone else had quieted and looked between Steele and Cole with apprehension. Steele was their commander and he was afforded the respect due that position. Always. Until now. He wasn’t ever questioned. Until now.

“I didn’t say I bought anything, but I couldn’t force her to stay. I can’t force her to make decisions we think are for the best. She asked for time and space. I couldn’t not give it to her.”

“Jesus,” Dolphin muttered. “You blew this one, Steele. It’s fine to pull that ice man routine on the job and on a mission. But this is a goddamn teammate we’re talking about here. No one gives a f**k about being fair and evenhanded in this situation. She needs us, and you let her walk away.”

Steele rounded furiously on Dolphin. Before Cole could blink, he had Dolphin against the wall, his forearm across Dolphin’s neck.

“Don’t you f**king talk to me about being an ice man. I was there, remember? I heard every goddamn thing that happened to her. She’s mine. Just like every one of you are mine. If you don’t think I’m furious over the entire situation then f**k you.”

Dolphin stared back unflinchingly, and finally Steele loosened his hold and stepped back. Just as quickly, Steele collected himself and the cool facade was back in place. But now they all knew just how close he was to the edge.

Cole turned and rammed his fist into the wall. He couldn’t even think for imagining P.J. alone, feeling God knows what. She’d quit the f**king team. They were family. And she walked away.

He drew back to hit the wall again and was nearly tackled by Baker and Renshaw. They took him down, pinning him to the floor.

“Get off me!” Cole roared.

“Chill your ass out,” Renshaw barked. “None of this is helping.”

“Enough!” Steele bellowed.

Cole flipped Baker off his chest and then swung at Renshaw. Renshaw ducked the punch, but it was enough to unbalance him, and Cole was back on his feet and staring a hole through Steele.