Shades of Gray (KGI #6)(31)

No one had a ready answer for that. Cole didn’t need to verbalize his intentions. P.J. needed them. She needed someone. He didn’t give a shit about her lone-wolf status in life.

He wanted to be there for her, to help her get through this. God, he just wanted to make her smile. For things to go back to the way they were when they bantered back and forth, cut jokes and threw insults.

He didn’t want to contemplate a world without P.J. He didn’t want to be on a team where she wasn’t an integral part. He didn’t want to lose any of his team. They were a unit.

They were family.

“Let’s find her first. Then we’ll figure out our options,” Steele said.

Everyone nodded, agreeing with Steele’s assessment. The group broke and Cole headed in Rio’s direction.

“Can I have a word?” he asked Rio quietly.

Rio stared back at him with dark eyes. “Yeah, let’s step outside.”

They left the war room and walked outside where dusk was gently falling over the lake. It was early fall and the evenings were already starting to cool. The wind hinted at impending brisker days. It was usually Cole’s favorite time of year, except now he couldn’t enjoy the changing season because the world—his world—was in complete turmoil.

“Is there anything you can tell me that would help?” Cole asked. “I know you spent some time with P.J. Did she ever say anything to you that would help us find her now?”

Rio looked regretful. “We had a few drinks. I was passing through Denver, looked her up and we had bar food and beer. We didn’t do a whole hell of a lot of talking, and when we did, it was about work stuff. Past missions. Just shooting the shit.”

Cole grimaced. “Yeah, she doesn’t ever talk about herself.”

Cole had a feeling that the one night he and P.J. had spent together had been the most she’d opened up to anyone. Ever. But even then, she hadn’t given him enough to know what she’d be thinking right now.

Rio’s lips turned up in a half smile. “Do any of us?”

Rio had him there. How much did he really know about any of his team? Yeah, they were family. No one would ever dispute that. But it didn’t mean they were all touchy-feely and up in one another’s business.

Cole was starting to regret that he hadn’t tried harder in the past. He’d always respected P.J.’s privacy. Hadn’t pressed her for information she was reluctant to give. Being a good guy and teammate didn’t mean shit now when they were so desperate for information.

“Look, I’ve pretty much seen it all. I’m sure you have too. It’s hard when it’s a teammate, but the fact is, she’s like a wounded animal and it’s likely she just wants to go off to heal on her own. You saw what Nathan was like when he got back from Afghanistan. You see how closed off Swanny is. Hell, we’ve all got our burdens to bear. We just do it differently. Maybe the best thing to do is just back off and give her some space. Let her deal with this in her own way.”

Cole knew Rio was giving good advice but it pissed him off all the same. He stared hard at the other man.

“Tell me something, Rio. If it was Grace, would you be so willing to back off and give her space and not worry over where she is, if she’s hurting or if she can make it on her own right now?”

Rio’s brows lifted, his eyes widening. “So it’s like that.”

Cole swore. “Yes. No. Hell if I know. Look I’m making a point here. If it were any of the other women. What if it was Shea? Or Rachel? Would you be saying to back off and leave them alone to sort it out themselves?”

Rio sighed. “No. I wouldn’t. But you have to remember, Cole. You can’t treat P.J. like just any other woman. She’s a warrior. A highly trained operative who goes into combat and deals with situations most other women don’t. She’s wired differently.”

Cole took a step closer until he and Rio were just inches apart.

“All that may be true, and I certainly don’t dispute it, but the fact of the matter is, she is still a woman and she was violated in the worst way a woman can be violated. And her team let her down. So you tell me. If she was on your team, would you be so willing to let her walk away and figure it all out on her own?”

Rio shook his head. “Hell, no. I wouldn’t let one of my men do it. I’m just trying to offer some perspective.”

“Well, I sure as hell don’t have any,” Cole said bluntly. “What I want is for her not to be alone to deal with this by herself. She has the team. And she has me. And she has no business being out of that hospital bed.”

Rio put his hand on Cole’s shoulder. “I get it, man. I understand when a mission becomes personal. I understand it all too well. My team will do whatever we can to help. We respect the hell out of P.J. She’s one of us. Will always be one of us. If you need us, just say the word.”

Some of the tension left Cole’s shoulders, and suddenly he was weary beyond belief.

“I appreciate it. I’m sorry that our f**kup meant you had to be away from Grace and Elizabeth.”

“You didn’t f**k up,” Rio said quietly. “Shit happens. There was nothing you could have done. And Grace and Elizabeth are fine. They’re with Shea and the other women enjoying a visit. I don’t let them out of the jungle often.”