Second Chance Pass (Virgin River #5)(50)

She was stunned speechless. She couldn’t remember a time Paul had ever behaved like this—aggressive, commanding.

He leaned closer. “Open it now,” he demanded of her just before he covered her mouth with his. Her lips opened under his and he moved over her mouth with passion, with heat, and she responded with her own. Her gentle, shy Paul, not only filled with all this desire, but clearly aroused. He let go of her wrists and circled her waist to pull her harder against him, and with a sigh and a shiver of lust, her arms went around him, yielding. Not just yielding—inviting.

Feeling her response, he couldn’t bring himself to end the kiss, but only deepened it, invading her velvety mouth with his tongue, letting his breath out slowly as her tongue came into his mouth. It was with a great deal of regret that he reminded himself they had to talk it through, get all their issues in the light and dealt with. But when he left her mouth, he stayed so close to her, he was whispering into her parted lips. “Vanessa, you have the worst goddamn temper.”

“I…”

“And you’re the bossiest woman I’ve ever known. I want you to listen to me—I can’t change what I feel, what I’ve felt for years. I tried, because I never thought I’d have any kind of chance, I never imagined that we’d lose Matt. And even with you in my arms, finally, I’d give anything to have him back. But we can’t, Vanni. It’s going to be you and me now. That’s all it can be. Now stop all this f**king around—because I want you so bad, my head is pounding!”

“I never knew how you felt.”

“I know that, Vanni,” he said quietly. “You weren’t supposed to.”

“I loved Matt, you know.”

“I know. And he loved you.” He took a breath. “And I loved you both.”

“But you were the guy who caught my eye the night we all met. You. Yet you never even talked to me. Maybe if you’d talked to me…”

“He beat me to it. And once that happens…”

“What did she do, Paul? The woman in Grants Pass? How’d she manage to get your attention?”

“I told you. She was pretty. Seductive,” he said. “And I was lonely. I let it happen, Vanni, because there was no reason for me not to. You belonged to someone else. Not just anyone else, but Matt.”

“And later? When I didn’t belong to anyone?”

“I thought you still belonged to Matt, to a memory,” he said. “And I was pretty much out of my mind. It was stupid. I told you—I’m not good with women. I never have been, or you’d have belonged to me, not my best friend.”

“I don’t have any regrets, you know. Matt was good for me, good to me. He made me happy, he gave me a beautiful son. I’ll never regret a day…”

“Vanni,” he whispered, brushing that thick, copper hair away from her face. “Vanni, as much as I love you, as much as I wish I’d had the guts to pursue you before he got to you, in the end I wanted you happy. I wanted him happy. But now…” He gave her a kiss. “It is what it is. I want us to go forward. I want to take care of you and Mattie. And probably one more…”

“You’re still not certain?” she asked him.

He shook his head. “Vanni, be prepared—I don’t think I’m getting out of that one. If I’m responsible for a child, I’ll see it through.”

“I know.” She sighed. “Could be a large family in the end.”

“You’ll stand by me through that?”

She shrugged. “You’d stand by little Matt, wouldn’t you? That’s how it is. We don’t leave babies out there alone, without parents who love them.”

He smiled into her eyes. “You’re wonderful, you know. But very hard to shut up.” He pressed himself against her, kissing her deeply. “God,” he said in a whisper, going after her again, so desperately she laughed against his lips. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to kiss you?”

“If you’re telling me the truth, I know exactly how long. Paul, I want you to know something—while I was Matt’s wife, I didn’t have one second of doubt or temptation. Not one split second. I loved him completely.”

“Vanni, I know…”

“It wasn’t until later, after the baby, months after Matt was gone…And I didn’t think you’d ever see me as anything more than your friend’s wife…I used to talk to Matt about you. I’d stand out at that grave and tell him that I’d always love him, but I was going to love again and, if he approved, he should give you a nudge. You were so much more than a friend, but you didn’t seem to see me as a woman. I thought you couldn’t separate me from your best friend and his death.”

He ran his hand down her hair. “Oh, I saw you as a woman—too much woman for me. I was fighting for my life, I was so guilty about the way I’d felt for years. I didn’t know what to do except give you time, watch you come out of mourning and plan my approach. And trust me, I wasn’t planning this one.” He shook his head. “The goddamn doctor got there ahead of me. The fact that you were a recent widow sure didn’t slow him down.”

“Does she know about me?” Vanni asked.

“She does,” he said. “God, I hope she and I can work together on this. Most of all, I hope you’re not making a big sacrifice because of my screwup.”