Search Me(48)

Sweeping a hand to my hips, I said, “Okay, so why wasn’t I stupid to think you couldn’t care for me?”

Maddox rolled his eyes. “Lane, don’t you see? I didn’t want you to be in love with me because I wasn’t good enough for you.”

My mouth gaped open in shock. Surely I hadn’t heard him right. How was it remotely possible that Mr. Dreamy Diaz could think he wasn’t good enough for me? “E-Excuse m-me?” I sputtered.

He threw up his hands. “Jesus, how plain do I have to make it for you? I was falling for you. And I was so scared about Basic and what it would mean to us when I shipped out. Not to mention there was the fact you were just sixteen. I didn’t think it was fair to you to ask you to give up so much of your life to wait for me.”

I blinked a few times as I tried processing his words. “Wait…you mean, you really did care for me, and I wasn’t making the whole thing up in my mind?”

“Of course I did.” He gave me a tentative smile. “How could I not care about someone as amazing and wonderful as you?”

Wait, he thought I was amazing and wonderful? Somehow over the band’s raging music I thought I couldn’t possibly be hearing him right. Shaking my head, I countered, “But if it was just the age thing and Basic, I would have much rather have waited on you instead of thinking you were repulsed by me.”

Maddox grimaced. “Because I really was thinking of you, instead of me. I hoped that if I hurt you enough, you’d find someone else who would actually deserve you—someone who wasn’t f**ked up and damaged from his childhood. You needed someone who would treat you like you deserved and could give you the moon and stars.” A sad smile formed on his lips. “But as much as I wanted to forget you and fought like hell to, I never could stop feeling for you…liking you.”

I sucked in a harsh breath. “So the Poison song? That was about…”

“You.”

The next thing I knew he was jerking me to him to where our faces were only inches apart. I couldn’t believe this moment was actually happening. Maddox was standing before me admitting that he had cared for me. He stared into my eyes, searching them for what seemed like an eternity. It was so intense that I had to fight to catch my breath. “Lane, I…”

I knew he was struggling with the words—words I was pretty sure he had only said to his parents, his sister, and to Maudie. But I still wanted to hear him say them to me. His jaw clenched with frustration. Finally, he practically growled, “Oh f**k it!” He grabbed my face in his hands. “I love you, Lane!”

I closed my eyes to still the spinning room. His admission, along with the alcohol, had sent me on an out-of-control emotional merry-go-round. After all this time, he had really cared about me more than just a friend. More than that, he loved me. Over the years, I’d allowed myself to fantasize about a moment like this—one where Maddox came swooping in to tell me I was his one and only. Of course, I’d never quite imagined we would be on the run from a bloodthirsty treasure seeker or standing in the middle of a dive of a bar. His proclamation, coupled with the last twenty-four hours, was just too much, and I staggered on my feet.

“Lane, are you okay?” Maddox asked.

I glanced up to see two of him, staring at me with concern. “Considering I’m seeing double of you, probably not.”

“Dammit. Of all the times you had to get drunk!” He then wrapped an arm around my waist for support and started easing me off the dance floor. He steered me over to the bar where West was mixing drinks.

“Hey man, we’re done for the night.”

West slid two glasses full of dark alcohol toward Tina before staring intently at me. “Oh yeah. She’s done,” he replied. His hands felt around under the bar before returning with a key. “Here ya go. There’s clean sheets on the bed, and then there should be some clean towels in the closet.” He jerked his thumb towards the kitchen. “Go through there and take a right out the back door. The room’s at the top of the stairs.”

“Thanks,” Maddox said, taking the key.

“Night sweet thing,” West teased.

“Night,” I murmured.

“Dickhead,” Maddox called over his shoulder as he pulled me to the kitchen. I stumbled a little as we weaved our way through the boxes and equipment. Besides the dizziness, it felt like someone was stabbing me between the eyes with an ice pick. The moment we got outside I sighed with relief. I gulped in the fresh air not tainted with cigarette smoke.

“Come on. Just a little further,” he said, nudging me to the right.

When he came to a stop, I lifted my head and gazed up the flight of stairs. They seemed to spiral to infinity and beyond. Thoughts of climbing them made the brass band beating in my head even worse. “I can’t make it up there,” I whined.

“You don’t have to.” Maddox then took my arm and slung it over his shoulder. He then stooped over and cuffed one arm under my knees. In one swooping motion, he swept me off my feet. My eyes widened in horror. “You’re going to carry me?”

“You said you couldn’t make it.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean for you to do this. This is so embarrasking,” I moaned.

“Embarrasking?” Maddox questioned with a snort.

“You know what I mean,” I slurred. The alcohol seemed to be having an even greater effect on me.