Ruthless Game (GhostWalkers, #9)(86)
“Tell me what you need,” Kane repeated.
She watched his hands, stroking the baby’s head. So gentle. She knew the feel of his hands on her skin, the way he touched her so possessively but with extraordinary tenderness. Could a man fake that kind of thing? He reached out and ran his thumb down the side of her face, just a wisp of movement, but she felt it all the way to her toes. It was only then that she realized she was holding her breath for real, and she let it out, forcing air in and out of her lungs.
“I don’t need rescuing.”
His smile twisted her heart into knots. “Don’t ruin my fantasy, honey. I’m the knight in shining armor and you’re my beautiful princess. I’m not a man of words. I’m just not. I want to say them to you, but I guess I just feel like an idiot trying to be all poetic.” His smile was crooked, almost wistful. “I want to be the man who saves you when you’re drowning, Rose, when life overwhelms you. And I want you to be the woman who does the same for me. I can’t make you believe me. I can only tell you that I’m standing in front of you, very much in love. It’s up to you whether you want to let Whitney take our lives from us.”
“He’s so cruel, Kane. So cruel. You have no idea what he’s capable of.”
“I was there. I saw what he was doing. I risked my career, my life, to expose him to the Senate. I can’t make you believe in me, Rose. I can only tell you that you’re free. If you want to walk out that door, I won’t stop you, but if you choose to stay with me, then that gives me every right to protect you in any way that I deem appropriate.”
She raised her chin. “Do I have those same rights?”
He cupped her face in his palm, his thumb sliding gently back and forth over her lips. His other palm cradled Sebastian to his chest. “Of course you do. You can’t be less than who you are any more than I could be.”
She found herself leaning into his hand, her knees a little weak. “He’s such a monster, always looming over us, playing us like puppets.”
“I wish you could have a normal life, Rose. I want you to be able to walk with confidence down to the grocery store or go shopping with Jaimie or even take our son to a park, but we’re different. We’re always going to be different. We have enemies, and we can’t pretend them away. This, what we create here together, has to be enough.”
She had always known, from the time she escaped Whitney’s compound, that she would be hunted. It made sense that Kane didn’t want her to go off alone without protection, that they always went in pairs or with shadows. If it made so much sense, then why was she panicking? And she was in full-blown panic. Even her usually calm mind felt chaotic. What was wrong with her? She had everything in the world standing in front of her that she could possibly want. He’d even told her that he loved her . . .
She gasped, realizing what was wrong. She didn’t believe she could be worth what she saw in Kane’s eyes. She’d been taught she wasn’t worth anything as a woman or as a human being. She was a soldier, service to her country, easily sacrificed. And she was good for breeding, to provide the next generation soldier who would be so much better than she was.
Her face flamed. Did she really have such low self-esteem that she couldn’t believe a man might actually love her? She knew from the start that Kane was physically attracted to her—Whitney had paired them. She knew they would have a great sex life, and she’d believed that he would stay with her for that reason. She’d fallen hard for him, something very unexpected and terrifying. But she hadn’t believed it was possible for him to feel the same emotions.
“Baby,” his voice was gentle, compelling. “You have to talk to me. If we stop talking, we’re through.”
“I just realized that I’ve allowed Whitney to undermine my confidence in myself as a woman—as a lovable woman. When it was physical attraction between us, I was comfortable with that, because it was all part of Whitney’s experiment, part of his great plan to produce the perfect supersoldier. But I fell in love with you, and that made me so vulnerable to one of his games. He knew it. He had to have known it. After you left my room, I begged him to pair us together, and I could see how pleased he was. I knew I’d given him another weapon to use against me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want you suffering without me suffering. At the time I felt I was being fair and taking responsibility.” Her eyes met his. “He knew it before me.”
“Knew what?”
“That I’d already fallen in love with you.”
“Rose.” His voice sent a million birds to flight in her stomach. “Fuck Whitney and what he thinks he knows. You trusted me to make a baby with you. You trusted me to deliver our child and to get you both out of trouble. You can trust me with your heart. God knows, I gave you mine completely. You walk away, and you take it with you.”
She stared up at his beloved face, all those tough lines etched deep, those beautiful green eyes that could pierce like an arrow. He could shatter her so easily, it was true, but if she was going to shatter, better it be with him. In the end, he was offering her refuge, love, a home. He was all she needed if she had the courage to accept that he could love her.
Kane was giving her everything, openly and honestly. She could see truth in his eyes. Was she really so stupid that she’d believe what Whitney had taught her over Kane? Rose shook her head. “I’m sorry, I lost my mind for a minute.”