Ruthless Game (GhostWalkers, #9)(85)

She glanced at him, at the way he held their son, and along with the silly fluttering in her stomach, her heart sort of melted and left her feeling foolish. She didn’t know what normal was, so she had nothing to compare her strange emotions to. Of course, growing up, all of the women in the compound had discussed the men they’d encountered, but there was always such a separation between them: guards who kept them prisoners and the instructors who trained them.

She dropped back a couple more steps. She’d never felt as if she needed rescuing. She hadn’t considered herself the princess in the tower, not once, not ever. There was something in Kane, a tough, cynical man, a soldier who carried death in his eyes, yet he could handle a baby as gently as she could. He made her feel fragile and beautiful and so feminine. She wanted to be the princess he carried off.

They passed the second floor, the one housing computers on one side and the training center on the other. There was such freedom in just walking down the steps without seeking permission first. Maybe that was the reason she had to go out shopping. The money Lily Whitney-Miller had set aside in her name was an enormous amount and growing all the time. Jaimie had put through all the necessary paperwork, and for the first time, she had the ability to walk into a store and purchase something. She didn’t have to sneak in and steal. She didn’t have to hide, and most of all, she didn’t need permission.

She glanced surreptitiously at Kane from under her lashes. She wasn’t testing him, exactly, but then again, maybe that was exactly what she was doing. She didn’t want to live with guards, even if the cage was gilded. Kane was so good to her, and she was beginning to believe, one tiny moment at a time, that the life she was living was real—not one of Whitney’s ruthless games. A part of her, as guilty and ashamed as it made her feel, had to push to see the truth.

She’d seen Kane’s face when she told him she was going shopping. He’d never really answered her about the shopping. She’d allowed the subject to drop, choosing instead to tease him a little because she’d been afraid of the answer, afraid that everything she was living was just an illusion. Whitney was adept at creating illusion.

They’d made it to the first floor, and Kane held the heavy door for her, stepping back to allow her to enter first. A courtesy. So Kane. He was always courteous. Always the gentleman with her. She looked around the huge warehouse. They had begun to make it a home. To her it was an incredible gift, a garden paradise. Was there really an underlying evil? Had Whitney manufactured this as well?

She blinked rapidly, aware of the sudden burning in her eyes, and walked to the window, staring out into the street. Most of the windows had slowly been refitted. Tinted and bulletproof, they didn’t have bars on them. She was happy, truly happy, and yet she couldn’t stop being afraid that none of it was real. Whitney had deceived them all so many times, she didn’t dare believe.

“What is it, Rose?” Kane asked.

She should have known he would notice her sudden withdrawal. He noticed the smallest details about everything.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m holding my breath.” She waited, willing him to understand, terrified that he would and he’d be angry with her for not believing.

Kane was silent. She felt him behind her. Just standing there, not saying or doing anything. Had she hurt him? Probably. How could she not when she was still afraid Whitney had found another way to torment her? It would be the ultimate betrayal, and Whitney was capable of such an elaborate setup.

She turned and looked up at him. Tall, broad-shouldered, strong jaw, thick chest, yet he cradled their son so gently, and his eyes were looking at him with compassion.

“If you hold your breath too long, sweetheart, you’re bound to turn blue. Go with Jaimie. None of us has ever just let Jaimie go anywhere without a few of the boys shadowing her . . .” He shook his head before she could protest. “We go out in pairs or with a shadow. We all have enemies, and none of us has a clue what Whitney might do next. Aside from that, there’s a faction that wants every GhostWalker dead. They have powerful friends. If you have to prove to yourself that you’re not a prisoner, then we’ll handle it.”

“You’d let me just walk out of here by myself?” Her eyes met his. She’d know if he was lying to her.

“No. Taking a chance with your life is beyond my ability to give you what you want. I’d shadow you. Rose, none of us are completely free in this life. We’re dangerous to others and our own government; while they utilize our services, they keep close tabs on us. They fear us. Our only chance is to live as if we’re in enemy territory and we have to watch each other’s backs. It’s that or live on the run.”

She searched his face for reassurance. She wanted this life—wanted him. She wanted to believe the fairy tale. When he called her beautiful, she wanted to believe he meant it. When he said he loved her, he’d stolen her heart and soul. She had always faced her life with courage. She was a soldier, and a soldier endured, but this was different. This involved emotions. Soldiers weren’t supposed to have emotions, and now she couldn’t separate what she felt.

Kane had the power to destroy her. She’d given him that. She hadn’t expected her emotions to be so strong, so overwhelming. Every single day she was drawn more into his world, into his life—into loving him.

“Tell me what you need, Rose.”

Kane just stood there in front of her. Stripped. Vulnerable. Allowing her to see him that way. Showing courage she lacked. Her heart contracted. She moistened her suddenly dry lips with the tip of her tongue. How had she fallen so far, so fast? From the time she’d been a child, it had been drilled into her to know her enemy, to seek knowledge, to have a plan. She’d had a plan until she first saw Kane—in Whitney’s camp.