Rush Too Far (Rosemary Beach #4)(65)

“Rush.” Her voice sounded pained.

I lifted my head from her lap. She stood up and began unsnapping her shirt. I sat there, afraid to move, as she slowly began taking off her clothing, removing each piece carefully and with purpose. I didn’t understand, but I was afraid to speak. If she was changing her mind, I didn’t want to ruin it.

Once she was completely naked, she walked over and straddled my legs. Grabbing her waist, I buried my face in her stomach. I could feel my body trembling from having her this close, but I didn’t know what it meant. I couldn’t assume it meant that she forgave me. She had just said she could never love me.

“What are you doing, Blaire?” I asked finally.

She grabbed my shirt and tugged at it. I lifted my arms and let her pull it off. Then she sank down in my lap and grabbed my head and kissed me. That sweet, intoxicating taste that was Blaire filled me, and I sank my hands into her hair and held her to me. I was afraid she would change her mind. She didn’t have to love me; I just wanted her to let me love her like this. It would be enough for me.

“Are you sure?” I asked, as she rocked against my erection.

She just nodded.

I picked her up and laid her down on the bed. Then I removed my shoes and pants. When I was equally naked, I held myself over her and stared down at her. She took my breath away. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Inside and out,” I told her. Then I kissed her everywhere I could, every inch of her face, before pulling her bottom lip into my mouth.

She lifted her hips and opened her legs, but I wasn’t ready yet. I didn’t want to hurry this. I wanted to savor her. She was meant to be savored and cherished. She was meant to be loved and cared for. I would do that for her. Even if she didn’t love me, I could make it enough for both of us.

I ran my hands down her body, memorizing every part of her. I didn’t want to believe this was a good-bye. I didn’t think Blaire would end it this way. But the fear was there, and I couldn’t get enough of her. “I love you so damn much,” I told her, and I lowered my head to kiss her stomach.

Her legs opened wider. I glanced up at her, knowing that I had to ask this time. She wasn’t promising us a tomorrow.

“Do I need to wear a condom?” I asked, moving back up her body.

She nodded, and I felt what was left of my heart crack even more. She was putting a barrier between us. I reached for my jeans and got the condom out of my wallet, then slid it on. Blaire’s eyes were on me. My c**k twitched from her attention.

I ran my hands up the insides of her thighs. No one had ever been here but me. No one had touched her but me. “This will always be mine,” I said, wanting to mark her permanently. I lowered myself until the tip of my erection nudged inside her. “Never been this good. Nothing has ever been this good.” I swore, then filled her in one hard thrust. She wrapped her legs around me and cried out. My battered heart beat wildly against my chest. This was home. Blaire was my home. I hadn’t realized how alone I was until she came into my life. I moved inside her slowly, not taking my eyes off her face. I wanted to see her eyes as I made love to her. That was what this was for me. I was making love to her body. This wasn’t a f**k. This was me showing her how much she owned me.

She slipped her legs higher on me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“I will always love you. No one will ever compare. You own me, Blaire. My heart and soul are yours,” I told her as I rocked inside of her. I brushed a kiss against her lips. “Only you,” I promised her. It would always only be her. She was my life now.

Our gazes locked, and she cried out. Her orgasm squeezed me tightly, sending me spiraling off after her. When the pleasure slowly faded, I looked at her, and I knew. Her eyes were telling me what I had feared. This had been her good-bye.

“Don’t do this, Blaire,” I pleaded.

“Good-bye, Rush,” she whispered.

I refused to accept it. I couldn’t let her do this. “No. Don’t you do this to us.”

She let her legs fall away from my body and go limp. Then she dropped her hands to her sides and turned her face away from me. “I didn’t get a good-bye with my sister or my mom. Those were final good-byes I never got. This final good-bye I needed. This one time between us with no lies.” The hollowness in her voice sliced me open.

I grabbed the sheets under my hands. “No. No. Please, don’t,” I begged.

She continued to look away from me and lay limply beneath me. How could I fight for someone who didn’t want me? Someone who hated me? I had no chance of winning. I had done everything I knew how to do. But she didn’t want me. Not now.

I pulled out of her and reached for my clothing. I disposed of the condom, then numbly went through the motions of putting my clothes on. She wanted me to leave. And I was just supposed to walk out of this room and leave her. How the f**k could I?

When I was dressed, I turned to look at her. She sat up, pulling her knees up to her chin to cover her nudity.

“I can’t make you forgive me. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I can’t change the past. All I can do is give you what you want. If this is what you want, I’ll walk away, Blaire. It’ll kill me, but I’ll do it.” I would do the only thing I could do: give her what she wanted.

“Good-bye, Rush,” she repeated, and she dropped her gaze from me.