Rule (Marked Men #1)(27)

He laughed a little. “You’re probably right. I’m gonna crash with my buddy Drew since I don’t think the shoulder is up to sleeping on your shitty couch and he has the room but I’ll hit you up when I roll into town. If I can’t get in touch with Shaw you and I can go grab dinner somewhere and you can disgust me with all the tales of your latest conquests.”

I rubbed a hand over my tired face and shoved Shaw’s note into the nightstand. I could still feel her hands moving all over me.

“You need to get off your butt and start pulling some conquests of your own. You’re a hero dude, chicks eat that stuff up.”

“I’m not like you Rule; I’m not twenty two and living life by the seat of my pants. I’ve seen the worst humanity has to offer, in the last four years I’ve buried more friends than I’ve made, I get out of the Army in less than two years and I don’t know what the future holds for me so nailing every pretty girl in my path is pretty low on my priority ladder. Right now I want to get healthy, get our family back together and finish this tour up without any more dead bodies. One day you’ll understand.”

He wasn’t wrong. My priorities were very different from his. I made good money, had a ton of savings, drove a nice car but I was viscerally aware that the majority of my time was spent trying to outlive the shadow of my dead twin. I wallowed in superficial relationships so no one could get close to me, no one could judge me and find me lacking. I sought out girls that were easy, that had zero expectation beyond what I offered, a good time and a few mindless minutes of release but I had never had a girlfriend, never let anyone all the way in because I was scared I wouldn’t be enough once they got down to the core of who I was. I knew it was messed up, knew I was an emotional train wreak and the thing with Shaw was just bound to make it even worse.

“Whatever. A good time never killed anyone. Call me later.”

I tossed the phone on the bed and went into the bathroom to take care of business. When I went into the living room Nash was sprawled on the couch watching the early game on the flat screen. He had a mug of coffee in one hand and a doughnut in the other.

“Morning.”

He flicked his gaze up to me. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Did you see Shaw this morning?”

He nodded and held up the doughnut. “She left these. So what’s the deal with that? She was in the kitchen this morning so I assumed she stayed the night with you. I thought you were going to put her in a cab.”

“Where did the roommate end up?” I tried to change the subject as I got my own coffee.

“I offered to bring her back here to wait for Shaw but she was having a good time so we had a few more drinks then I called her a cab. She seemed to think it was a brilliant idea that her very intoxicated friend was going home with you, why is that?”

I grunted and sank down on the couch next to him.

“I dunno. Shaw and I have all kinds of twisted history, who knows?”

“But she spent the night with you?”

“Yeah.”

“And I’m assuming because I’ve known you since forever that you didn’t spend the night discussing politics and watching TV?”

I glowered over at him. “No.”

He shook his head and made a tisk, tisk sound. “What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t, clearly.”

“Dude, she’s not one of those girls. You can’t just have me escort her out in the morning and never talk to her again.”

“Hey I woke up alone this morning. I didn’t make her go anywhere.”

“But you would’ve and Shaw is way to classy and smart to do a walk of shame. Man I can’t believe you hooked up with your brother’s girl. You really do have some problems, that’s a whole mess I wouldn’t even jump into no matter how hot the girl was.”

I made a strangled noise and reached forward to put my elbows on my knees. “Let’s just say I don’t think there is any real reason to worry about tarnishing Remy’s memory. I don’t know what was going on between those two for all those years but after last night there is undeniable proof that they weren’t sleeping together.”

Nash swore and his eyes got wide. “She was a virgin?”

I nodded. I probably shouldn’t be sharing all this with Nash, but I was confused and he was my best friend. I was in over my head.

“She was a virgin and gave it up to you, holy shit bro that’s like a huge deal.”

I sighed. “That’s what I thought but then she was gone when I woke up and she was pretty trashed last night so maybe it was just beer goggles and too many martinis making the choices for her.”

“She seemed fine this morning, I mean she looked hung over and pretty obviously worked over but she wasn’t nervous or weird or anything. She called Ayden for a ride and ran out for breakfast while she waited. I dunno man, she didn’t seem all swoony in love or stalker pissed off, she just seemed like normal Shaw. Granted I always thought she kinda had a thing for you.”

I turned to him with a look of bewilderment. “What?”

“She puts up with your shit no matter how bad it is. Don’t you remember that one New Year’s she showed up to get you and you brought home the redhead and her friend? That was a freak show and Shaw didn’t even blink she just tossed you your pants and told you to get it together. She lets you be all moody, surly and grumpy and doesn’t even bat an eye and trust me dude that shit gets old super-fast. She’s willing to go to battle with the only parents she’s known to show her any love because she wants them to treat you right and quit blaming you for Remy’s death, she isn’t doing any of that for Margot or Dale, and she sure ain’t doing it for Remy, the only person any of that benefits is you. Even as stubborn and self-involved as you are, you have to be able to see that.”