Rome (Marked Men #3)(78)

Nash swore a little bit and turned so that we could go into the shop.

“When two people feel that way about each other, they figure it out. Just like Rule and Shaw did and just like Jet and Ayden. It’ll be fine, Tink. I promise. By the way that was a nice gut shot. You shoulda aimed for the nose, though.”

Normally that would have made me laugh, but I felt like everything I had was swirling around in that cloud of wrath Rome had ridden away on. It had to work out, there was no other option. He was it for me, I just needed to pull my head out of my ass and tell him. He was right: I asked him for everything and he gave it without question. He wanted one thing from me, to hear that I loved him like he loved me, and I had been unable to do it for him. I sucked. Plus I was sick and tired of the big jerk always somehow managing to get the last word in every time we had a fight. That was really annoying.

“I wish that was a promise I could be sure you could keep, Nash. Don’t say anything to the guys. You can tell them about Jimmy because you all gossip like teenage girls, but leave Rome out of it. I need to fix this mess on my own.”

And fix it I would, because there was no other option for me or for our baby.

When we walked in the door, the guys all wanted to know what was going on. I let Nash fill them in while I asked Rule if I could talk to him in the back room.

He followed me, his face screwed up in a total look of confusion, but he was kind enough not to grill me.

“That was Jimmy.”

“I figured. Looks like Rome made it pretty clear he better leave you alone.”

“Yeah, he also made it pretty clear I better figure my shit out or I’m going forward alone.”

I thought Rule would get riotously indignant on my behalf, but he didn’t. He narrowed those pale eyes at me, which made me twist my plugs around nervously. I felt like a bug under a microscope.

“What? Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what, Cora?”

“All judgy. I was your biggest cheerleader when you were acting like a dipshit over Shaw, so knock it off.”

“He loves you, Cora. That isn’t a joke. He’s never laid himself on the line for anyone like that before that wasn’t family.”

“I know, I know. I’m working my way there, all right. I don’t want to be without him.”

“Do you love my brother, Tink? Because if you don’t, even if it kills him, you need to walk away now. You can’t do that to him.”

“Rule.” I sighed and started to pace back and forth in front of him. “I wanted someone perfect, thought it would keep me safe, save me from another broken heart, and all it did was insulate me and make me too scared to tell a wonderful man that I love him back. I thought I could show him, that he would just know, just feel it pouring out of me the way I felt it from him. I screwed this up royally and I don’t know if he’s going to let me fix it.”

I started crying and he swore and pulled me into a hug that crushed my ribs.

“Everything is fixable. He had the same reaction when Shaw let us know about Remy, only then he had all my idiotic outrage on top of his own to keep it going. He works his way out of it and I know how much he needs you, Cora. It’ll be fine. Love is a goddamn scary thing. Facing it takes brass balls, and we all know you have a pair.”

I didn’t want to laugh, but I had to. I pulled away and wiped a hand over my face. “I used to think I was pretty tough, but your brother has turned me into a big pile of goo.”

“He makes all of us look like marshmallows.”

I straightened my top and tried to make sure I looked presentable before going back on the floor.

“I want you to design a new tattoo for me. That is the real reason I asked you to come back here, not to sob all over you like a big girl.”

He lifted the eyebrow that had the rings in it and looked me over. “More flowers?”

I told him no and explained what I wanted. I was gratified to see his eyes grow big and to see some of the frost that was always in there melt a little in appreciation.

“I’d be honored to do it. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

I tilted my head to the side and winked at him. “Gotta get big brother to forgive me first.”

“He will.”

“You guys keep saying that. I just hope you’re right.”

CHAPTER 16

Rome

Everyone at the bar was giving me a pretty wide berth. I came in breathing fire and lit up. I knew my anger was disproportionate to the situation, kind of like it had been when Shaw broke the news to us about Remy, but I couldn’t seem to stop it. I felt like I was losing my grip on things, like whatever I had been building with Cora was crumbling to dust right in front of my eyes. I was so wound up in my own bruised ego, and my own sense of loss, that I knew I was on the brink of spiraling out of control with no way to stop it.

I told myself over and over that we couldn’t agree on a house because we were just two very different people. When it crept up on me that she couldn’t tell me that she loved me, I convinced myself it was because she was still working around the fear Jimmy had left with her. I tried to reason that she was scared to see forever with me because I was still rocky at the whole family and stability thing, but I tried to show her in everything I did, with every dark memory or tortured dream I let her touch, that I was getting there. Watching her face her ex, dismiss him out of hand as insignificant, unimportant, and irrelevant, didn’t give her a wall of excuses to hide behind anymore. I couldn’t get my head around a real reason she might have for not feeling about me the way I did about her until she told him that he’d made her unable to love anyone. I knew she was holding parts of herself back and I understood fear, but I felt hopeless and furious at the idea that she had forced me to open all my hidden places, to bleed all the worst parts of me out in the open for her to see, while she still got to play it safe. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t a way for us to move forward together.