Rome (Marked Men #3)(44)

Ayden snorted and walked farther into the room to pick the pregnancy test up from where it was resting next to me.

“Seriously? Look at her face. It’s totally positive.”

Shaw let out a noise that was between a gasp and a squeal. I glared at her and she clasped her hands over her mouth. Her eyes were bright and shining at me from over the tops of her fingers and I wanted to smack her. Ayden leaned against the sink and frowned at me.

“So what’s the plan?”

I groaned and shoved my hands into my eye sockets. What was the plan?

“You mean besides never, ever having sex again? I don’t have the first idea.”

Having kids wasn’t something I ever really thought about. When I was with Jimmy I just figured it would be something that came up after we were married for a couple years and in a financially secure place. Now … well, now, other than wanting to murder Rome and his stupid perfect face and body, I had no clue what the plan should be. But the funny thing was that from the second it even occurred to me that I might be pregnant, there was never a moment when I considered anything other than having this baby. The alternatives are definitely there—and maybe there was a time when I would have gone down that route—but the very idea of a baby inside me meant that this child was all mine and I was going to give it the best chance possible. And I would never let a child of mine feel unloved or unwanted. I would never let my kid feel lost in a sea of adults because I wasn’t able to give them a home. I just wished with everything inside of me I could say Rome felt the same way about parenthood. The fact of the matter was, I had no idea what he thought about anything right now because he wasn’t saying anything.

Shaw bit her bottom lip and said so softly I almost didn’t hear her, “You have to tell Rome.”

I sighed and pushed my eyes even harder. Of course I had to tell Rome. Eventually.

Telling Rome was going to be a lot easier said than done since the big idiot wasn’t quite finished with his epic freak-out. I wasn’t exactly sure what had happened the other night; all I knew is that he had run from my bed like the sheets were on fire, he was shaking and the color of paste. That was ten days ago, and I hadn’t heard from him since. The first couple of days I called and called, sent text after text, and worried myself into a concerned lather. By the end of the week I was good and pissed and clearly had more important things to worry about than Rome Archer because I was pretty sure I was carrying his baby. I had heard from Asa he was spending all his time at the Bar and that his venture into sobriety had taken a nosedive. Apparently he was back to drinking like a fish and grumbling and growling at anyone that got within breathing distance.

I had enough pride, and enough bad history, and a healthy dose of fear working inside me, that tracking his stubborn ass down and making him talk to me wasn’t a workable option. I refused to be in yet another relationship where I was the only person invested in the outcome. I figured he knew where I worked and where I lived, so if he wanted to make things right, he knew where to find me. Admittedly I thought he would have come around a lot sooner, but now it looked like the choice was going to be taken out of my hands.

“I know that, Shaw.”

She cleared her throat and shot a look between me and Ayden.

“He isn’t doing so hot right now. I don’t know what happened, he was starting to get back to his old self, starting to fall into some kind of pattern, and then, boom, he’s right back where he was when he came home from Afghanistan. I thought Dale was going to cry when he didn’t show up for brunch last Sunday.”

I brushed hard hands through my short hair and rolled my eyes up to the ceiling.

“I don’t know either. Things were cool, I thought we had a pretty good thing going even though it was pretty brief. Then one night not so much. I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

Ayden clicked her tongue at me and waved her finger back and forth in my face. “Stop beating yourself up. Jet and I had a near miss right before we broke up. Sometimes those boys just burn too hot and common sense goes right out the window.”

Shaw nodded. “Yeah, if I wasn’t on the pill since like the dawn of time, Rule and I would’ve been in the same situation. You’re just human, and Rome can be pretty overwhelming.”

All of it was overwhelming.

“Fuck.” That seemed to sum it up nicely.

Ayden laughed and reached down to pull me up to my feet.

“I think that’s what got you into trouble in the first place. Let’s go eat something.”

I groaned but followed her out of the bathroom. “I don’t think I can eat.”

I pulled her to a stop and grabbed her and Shaw both by the arm. “You guys can’t say anything. Rome doesn’t need to hear about this from Rule or Jet. I’ll talk to him when I’m good and ready.”

Ayden just rolled her eyes but Shaw nodded gravely. “I can’t believe Rule is going to be an uncle. Margot and Dale are going to flip.”

Well, crap. That was a whole other headache I hadn’t considered. “My dad is going to kill me.”

They both laughed at me and I went to throw myself on the couch. Even though we had technically only been seeing each other for a few weeks, I really thought there was something bigger working between Rome and me. I felt it in the way the air changed when we were together. He was vital, so much larger than life. I could still see the fracture in those blue eyes, see the things he was trying to work through, but I thought we were doing fine. Now I didn’t know what to think and there wasn’t enough history, enough time to know which way to go with it. On top of it, there was this added complication and my life was one big pile of no-fun at the moment. I never would have let him get to me had I known he was going to have such an easy time walking away. I was too guarded, too careful with my heart, for that.