Rock Chick Revenge (Rock Chick #5)(107)

I was beginning to fall into dreamland when his hand came up and cupped my breast. I lost any drowsiness I had and held my breath. Even though his thumb idly stroked the inside curve from nipple to chest, it was clear this was just an affectionate touch and he wasn’t taking it anywhere.

“I’m guessin’ from your behavior you didn’t feel it when I f**ked you against the wall,” he noted softly to the back of my head.

Whatever “it” was, I didn’t feel it. I also didn’t share this. I kept silent.

He accepted my silence and just held me, stroking my breast.

After awhile, he spoke again. “You wanna tell me why you were standin’ in Zano’s arms?”

Eek!

No, I most certainly did not want to tell him mainly because I didn’t really know myself. Therefore, I kept my silence.

He waited then his voice came again. “All right, we’ll let that go. Instead, maybe you wanna tell me why you didn’t call me after my Dad’s funeral.”

Any relaxation I felt left my body in an instant and it went solid. I also kept silent.

Luke waited again, his thumb stilled then he sighed. “I’ll take that as a no.”

I bit my lip as his hand moved away from my breast and both his arms wrapped around my midriff, pulling me deeper into him as I felt his head move, his mouth coming to my ear.

“This starts to go bad, Ava, what we have, we’ll talk about it. We’ll work on it. I’m not your Dad, I’m not one day just gonna up and leave you.”

“You already did, for eight years.”

Oh no. Did that just come out of my mouth? And did it sound like an accusation?

“Babe,” he murmured before he buried his face in the side of my neck. The murmur was soft, gentle, affectionate and there was what sounded almost like a growl running through it and his obvious emotion made me shiver.

Yep, it just came out of my mouth. Over and over, I kept giving myself away.

Time to go back to silence.

Luke didn’t feel like silence. He turned me to face him again and I didn’t fight it (I wouldn’t win anyway). Once he got me in position, as a defense mechanism I buried my face in his throat. I didn’t want to look at him and I didn’t want him looking at me. I didn’t want to have this conversation either but I wasn’t going to resist. Resistance would just make it last longer and I needed to sleep, to get this night over with and take up the fight again tomorrow. He eventually had to leave. He had a job, even if he didn’t need it. When I was alone again, I’d figure out what was next for me. I was still leaning toward plastic surgery and creating my own disappearance in the depths of Mexico.

“Jules asked me once why I was working for Lee,” Luke said, interrupting my thoughts.

I licked my lips and then pressed them together. I didn’t want to talk about Jules but I wasn’t about to share that.

“I didn’t tell her,” he went on.

This I found surprising.

“She didn’t have the right to know,” Luke continued.

This I also found surprising.

“You have the right to know,” he finished.

Oh… my… God.

My body went still at the meaning behind his words and he kept talking. “I was recruited by an organization. I can’t tell you who, no one knows but Lee, Mace and Monty and, I’m sorry babe, but it has to stay that way.”

My body stayed still, I stayed silent and he kept going. “They trained me and sent me on assignments, mostly out of the country. I made a shitload of money and was good at what I did, but I wasn’t proud of it. The minute my contract was up, I got out. On one of the assignments, I met Monty. He tracked me down when I got out and he and Lee talked me back into working. What I do now is local, it’s a helluva lot less risky and I’m proud of it.”

I couldn’t believe he was telling me this. I didn’t even want to know this. On the one hand, it scared me. On the other hand, I was moved that he’d share.

I kept silent.

“Beautiful, you listenin’ to me?” he asked.

I stayed silent but I nodded. I had to nod. Even if I didn’t want to be having a heart-to-heart with Luke, I knew through to my soul it would be way out of line if I didn’t acknowledge his sharing.

His hand went up my back and twisted in my hair. With a gentle tug he pulled my head back so I was looking at him.

Then he started talking again, his voice such a low rumble I felt it against my skin. “During those eight years, Ava Babe, I wasn’t someone you’d want to know.”

I couldn’t stop myself, I didn’t even try. My hand went to his cheek and my body pressed against his.

“Luke,” I whispered.

I wanted to tell him there was nothing he could do, no one he could be that I didn’t want to know and I didn’t even care what scary shit he did or who he did it for. That was how much he meant to me.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t open myself up like that.

Luke went on. “A few weeks after I left that life, my Dad died. I tried to reconnect with you, then you left me for five years.”

My heart lurched because there was definitely accusation in his tone.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head forward so my forehead was resting on his chin.

He kissed me there then kept talking. “Ava, I need you to tell me why you didn’t pick up the phone.”