Riskier Business (Crossing the Line 0.5)(11)

He tossed his keys on the dining room table on his way down the hallway, stripping his shirt over his head as he went. “I’m turning in.”

She walked into their bedroom a moment later as he kicked off his shoes. “Troy?”

Something sharp moved in his chest at the smallness in her voice. With determination, he blocked the need to hold her. “Yeah.”

“Are you all right?”

“No. I’m not all right, Ruby. Did you think I would be?”

She shook her head, dark hair fanning out at her shoulders. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Why aren’t you telling me how reckless I’m being?”

“It never does me any good.”

“Stop being so cold,” she demanded. “I don’t like it. This isn’t you.”

“You don’t like it…” He trailed off with a laugh. She’d just cut the tenuous thread of faith he’d been holding on to and she expected him to be his usual supportive self? Impossible. He was free-falling into full-scale panic. Ruby in danger. Again. “I don’t like showing up to Quincy’s and seeing Driscol there, not knowing what the f*ck he means to you. I don’t like sitting there listening to your father plot your next deadly adventure and keeping my mouth shut. Being so damn sure I can trust you to make the right call. And being wrong.”

She jerked back a little, making him wish for a split second that he hadn’t been so harsh. “You don’t understand.”

“Actually, I think I’m finally starting to understand. You don’t miss that lifestyle after all.” He unbuckled his jeans, kicked them off. “It’s like a bad movie. Just one last score. Only it’s never the last time. It never will be.”

Her brown eyes lit with anger then, her temper only making her more beautiful. Troy watched her in awe, pressure building in his chest. God, I love her. Happy. Livid. Any way and every way.

“Look at you on your f*cking high horse, Troy Bennett. You think I’m doing this for some kind of cheap thrill?” She stomped toward him and pushed against his bare chest. He pressed into her hands, his body, as always, craving any form of contact with hers. “You’ve got your big happy family, your bosomy mother. You grew up in a perfect neighborhood, slept in a bed with clean sheets. What the hell do you know about being abandoned? About wondering if you did something wrong to send them away?”

Troy’s anger, along with his heart, sank like lead into his stomach. Jesus, no. Had he made a massive error here? After leaving Quincy’s, he’d been so caught up in his own pissed-off mental state, his own worry, that he’d completely glossed over the bombshell that had been dropped on her tonight. Fucking idiot. When she went to shove at his chest again, he grabbed her wrists and tried to bring her close, but she resisted. “Baby, I’m sorry—”

“Too late.” She yanked her hands away. “All this worry over something happening to me, it’s all because you’re so damn scared to feel an ounce of anything negative. Well, that’s all I felt for years. So deal with it, Troy. Okay? Life isn’t always sunshine and roses.”

“Of course I f*cking worry.” His voice rose to match hers. “I can’t cut that part out of myself any more than I can stop loving you—”

“But you would if you could,” she cut in, her voice sounding suddenly numb. “You’d stop loving me in a heartbeat if it was possible. Just to save yourself from any potential pain or loss.” Her laughter fell on his ears like stones. “My father was right, wasn’t he? I am your heaven and hell.”

Troy could no longer stem the rising tide of panic. There was not a hint of his Ruby behind her eyes. This conversation, the entire night, had gotten away from him in a way he’d never thought possible. He’d actually forced her to question his feelings? How was such a thing possible, when he needed her just to survive? She was his life. He thought he’d left no room for her to doubt that. With firm hands, he gripped her forearms. This time she didn’t protest, but looked up at him defiantly. “Listen to me. Don’t let this, don’t let him, come between us.” He shook her gently. ”I wouldn’t stop loving you, Ruby, if it meant the end to everything else I know, love, or care about in this world. As long as I had you, I’d be all right.”

A tear rolled down her cheek, devastating him. “God, I-I can’t think around you. I’ve got so much to process, so much to think about, and you take up all the air.” She dragged in a labored breath. “I’m going to Hayden’s. I just need a night away.”

A knife in his chest. “No.”

“You can’t tell me no.”

Troy’s hand went to the hem of her shirt and slipped beneath, as if he had no control over it. His last resort was taking over, trying to keep her with him at all costs. Her skin felt like warm silk under his fingers as they teased her belly, drifted lower. “Stay. Let me ease you here, baby. I’m nowhere without you…just let me bring you back.” Their hips connected and he rolled his body against her. “Let me go so deep that we forget everything. You know I’m hard. I’m always hard.”

“Stop,” she moaned. “Not like this.”

Trying to ignore the painful ache her words afflicted him with, he tilted her head to the side so he could suck at her neck. “What’s wrong, baby? You want to be on top?” He sank his teeth into the flesh beneath her ear. “You know I go f*cking crazy when you ride me. I love watching you pretend to be in charge when we both know I could have you under me, screaming for God in one damn move.”