Redemption Road (Vicious Cycle #2)(52)

Misjudging my silence, Rev ducked his head and jammed his hands into his jeans pockets. “I’m sorry. . . I thought this might be something that would make you feel better.”

I couldn’t respond. In truth, I didn’t even know how to begin to respond. Here was a man who was trying in every single way possible to help me find peace and healing. A man who had connected with me because he had been through his own hell. A week ago, he would’ve been a stranger to me, and now I couldn’t imagine a world for myself where he wasn’t a part of it.

When I finally found the strength to look up at him, I knew deep within me that in some way everything was forever changed between us. Deep down, I imagined I could fall in love with Rev Malloy with all of my heart and soul, regardless of the length of time that had passed or the circumstances that had brought us together. That revelation caused tears to well in my eyes.

Rev’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. I’ve really f*cked up, haven’t I?”

I shook my head vigorously and hurried to tell him, “No, no. You’ve done everything right. I swear.”

“I have?” he asked, the surprise evident in his voice.

Unable to hold back anymore, I threw myself at him. As the sobs racked my body, I clung to Rev—my lifeline, my protector. His strong arms came up to wrap around me and I leaned into his embrace. “Please don’t cry, Annabel. Bringing you here wasn’t supposed to be about making you cry.”

“It’s okay. I’m not crying about that.”

“You’re not?”

Pulling away, I gazed up at him. “I’m crying because of how sweet you are.”

His shocked expression was almost comical. “You’re crying because of me?”

“Yes. I’ve never met anyone who is as caring and selfless as you are. You barely know me, yet you’re willing to do anything and everything to help me heal. It’s truly noble.”

His cheeks flushed pink at my compliments. “Well, I don’t know about all that.”

“It’s the truth. Believe me.” Turning my head, I peered out at the water. “I’m grateful that you brought me here, and I want to give it a try.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do.”

A relieved look flashed in his eyes. “I’m glad to hear it.” Motioning to the water, he asked, “Ready?”

“I don’t have to get undressed?”

Rev smiled. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

The thought was very comforting, but at the same time, I couldn’t manage to bring my foot up and start into the water. For a few agonizing seconds, I stood frozen, unsure of what to do.

“I can understand if you want to do this alone. I can head back into the woods to give you some privacy.”

Nibbling my bottom lip, I debated his offer. My pain was very personal and very private. Although Rev had been a witness to a lot of it, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him with me. I wondered if I needed to be alone to fully purge myself of the horror I had endured. To not have to worry about him seeing me become hysterical yet again. The idea was very freeing. “I think I would like to go in alone.”

“That’s totally understandable. I won’t go far. Call for me if you need me.”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

He turned and walked back through the high grass and into the woods. Once he was out of sight, I reached down to take off my shoes. I then took a tentative step into the water, quickly drawing back and sucking in a breath at how cold it was. My feet sank into the cool mud of the bank. But when it came time to take another step, I suddenly froze. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it alone—it’s just that I didn’t want to. Whirling around, I saw that Rev had made his way halfway across the grass. “Rev!” I cried out.

He momentarily froze with his back to me before turning around. Silent and unmoving, he waited to hear the words from me. “I need you!” I shouted. The moment the words left my lips, he began quickly making his way back across the clearing.

When he reached me, he stared intently at me, searching my face.

“I don’t want to do it alone.”

“I understand.” He bent down to take off his shoes. Once he was barefoot, he stepped in front of me to where he would go in the water first. He held out his hand. “Come on. I won’t let anything happen to you.” And as I slipped my hand into his, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he wouldn’t let anything ever hurt me—not today and not a year from now.

As we went deeper into the water, the cold temperature took my breath. I knew it would take a few minutes for me to get used to it. When we were waist-deep, Rev let go. “It’s up to you now,” he said.

I completely understood his meaning. He couldn’t keep leading me—I had to do it on my own. As determination surged through me, I kept on walking until the water was up to my shoulders. Then I closed my eyes, held my breath, and took the next step into the unknown.

Immediately I became enveloped in what I imagined was a watery grave. After all, I was looking to be changed, so what better way to do it than through death and rebirth. I stayed submerged until my lungs ached and burned from holding my breath. Finally when I thought I couldn’t take it one more second, I kicked my legs and reached the surface.