Redemption Road (Vicious Cycle #2)(48)

Although I was still a little reluctant, I allowed Deacon to drag me off the porch. As I got to the bottom of the steps, I glanced back at Annabel. She smiled and waved.

Our boots crunched along the gravel road. Deacon lit up a cigarette, and when he offered one to me, I decided to take one. I needed to settle my nerves a bit for what I was about to do.

We passed by Case’s place, which had been rebuilt in the six months since his death. Kim and her kids still resided there, even though there wasn’t a patch member in the house. Part of the Raiders creed was to care for our old ladies, and until she remarried, Kim was still an old lady.

I realized then an overwhelming sense of irony that the house had burned down. Before it had been Case’s, it had been Miss Mae’s. The physical dwelling where I had lost my innocence in such a brutal way no longer existed. By telling first Annabel and then Bishop, I had begun to demolish my own house of secrets.

When we reached the back door of the roadhouse, I stepped in front of Deacon. “You got a minute before we go inside?”

He took a long drag on his cigarette. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

I flicked the ashes off mine before I spoke. “There’s something I need to tell you—something I should have told you sixteen years ago.”

Deacon’s expression darkened in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s the reason why Breakneck called me, out of all the guys, when Sarah was in trouble.”

“I’m listening.”

My chest tightened as I braced to once again unburden myself. Maybe the third time was the charm—it seemed to go a little easier this time. When I finished, I didn’t have the quickening, anxious breaths or the erratic heartbeat that I’d had before.

I took another drag on my cigarette and waited for Deacon to respond. What he did next shocked the hell out of me. With all the strength he had, he shoved me against the back door. “What the f*ck?” I demanded.

His dark eyes narrowed on me. “Why? Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Mama Beth knows. Once I told Annabel, I realized my brothers and my mother had a right to know.”

“Jesus, Rev,” Deacon muttered through gritted teeth.

“This wasn’t exactly the reaction I expected you to have.”

He released my shirt and took a step back. After jerking a hand through his hair, he shook his head. “I’m not mad at you, brother. I’m mad at myself.”

“But why?”

“I’m just so f*cking angry that I couldn’t protect you from being hurt.”

Tears burned my eyes at his words of remorse. “You were just a kid yourself.”

“I was a fighter before Preacher Man got me. I could have taken that f*cking pervert out.”

I shook my head. “No one could have done anything to stop it from happening. Thankfully, Preacher Man ended it.”

Deacon threw down his cigarette and stubbed out the glowing embers. “More than anything, I hate that you thought you couldn’t tell me. That I would think differently of you or something.”

“I’m sorry. Preacher Man thought it best not to tell anyone.”

With a snort, Deacon replied, “I think the old man’s greatest fault was his f*cking secrets. It was one thing for him to keep them, but he shouldn’t have imposed them on his kids.”

My brows furrowed with confusion. Was Deacon hiding a secret of his own?

He reached in his cut and lit up another cigarette. I fought the urge to tell him he needed to cut the shit out now he had a kid and one on the way. “When I was fifteen, Preacher Man found where my real father was. He offered to let me be the one to put a bullet in him.” Deacon stared at me straight on. “So I did.”

“Jesus,” I muttered. I’d had no idea anything like that had ever happened. I just knew Deacon’s biological father disappeared after he killed Deacon’s mother.

“Guess you could say I started early with my body count.”

“You had every right to take that motherf*cker to ground, Deacon. Just like Preacher Man had every right to kill Kurt.”

Deacon exhaled a puff of smoke and then grinned. “Don’t think I’ve spent one single night wishing I hadn’t killed my old man.”

“I didn’t think you had. It’s just a lot for a fifteen-year-old kid to have to deal with.”

“You can say that again.” Then, in a totally uncharacteristically Deacon move, he pulled me to him for a hug. “I love you, brother. Always have and always will.”

It took me a moment to process his words. Deacon and Bishop hadn’t told me they loved me over the years, but then again, they hadn’t needed to. I just knew. But knowing now that both my brothers would have defended me, would have killed Kurt for me, branded me with a different strength. Solidarity within family as well as within the Raiders. I did, however, fear how Mama would react. This would break her heart.

I smacked his back and squeezed him tight. “I love you, too.”

As he pulled away, I thought for a second I saw a tear in his eye, but I quickly dispelled that thought. Nothing made Deacon cry. He jerked his head at the door. “Enough of the emotional bullshit. Let’s go in there and get shitfaced.”

I laughed. “Sounds like a plan.”