Raven's Strike (Raven #2)(33)

"Why does it matter?" he asked again.

"The problem is that I know of only three ways that Hennea could be older than she appears. At least, enough older that it attracted your father's attention." Seraph sat on the ground beside Jes, and after a hesitation, he sat down, too. "The first is impossible, because Hennea is no Healer. The second is equally unlikely. The Shadowed can be very old and still seem young. But Hennea touches you all the time. You'd know if she were the Shadowed. The third isn't much better. Wizards - not Ravens - but solsenti wizards who are very powerful sometimes live longer than usual."

"Hinnum was centuries old when Colossae fell," Jes said.

"I've heard stories that say he was as much as three centuries old," Seraph agreed. "But he was the greatest wizard of Colossae, the wizards' city. Still, it is not uncommon for wizards to live to well over a hundred years."

"Hennea could be a wizard," he said. "You told me Ravens have to be mageborn, just like Guardians have to be empaths."

"I don't think she is," she said. "If she were a wizard, she'd never have left Volis's library the night we killed him. No matter how tired or anxious she was, a wizard wouldn't have forgotten about another wizard's library."

"You and she are using the mermori libraries to try and free the Order-bound gems," he said.

Seraph nodded. "But wizards are obsessed with books, Jes. Books are the only way they can do their magic. They have to know all about the nature of fire before they can light a candle. That makes books very important. Hennea knew about Volis's library - she'd lived here. But it was only yesterday she realized that his library might be dangerous."

"She came here when she ran away from me," he said. "I embarrassed her. I didn't mean to."

That was it, she thought, the real reason he was upset. Hennea had been avoiding him all day. Seraph looked at her son and wished she knew how to make the pain of living easier on him.

"That's right." She'd never found that lying about hurtful things made them hurt any less.

"But I embarrassed her, anyway."

Seraph considered it. "If, say" - she glanced down at the roof below - "Willon told me I could touch him anytime I wanted, do you think I would run off in embarrassment?"

Wide-eyed, Jes was obviously having trouble imagining Willon saying any such thing to her. He shook his head. "They'd be picking up Willon pieces for years."

She grinned. "Do you know what I think, Jes? I think if she hadn't wanted to touch you, they might be picking up pieces of Jes all over the place. I think she wanted to touch you, and that's what embarrassed her."

Jes gave a long sigh. "Maybe you're right," he said. "But you aren't always good at seeing why people do things. You're just like me."

"Probably," she conceded. She weighed the possible harm of telling him more. "But your father knows people. Do you want me to tell you the other thing he told me about Hennea?"

He looked at her, his dark eyes sad.

"He asked me why she was still with us. She came with us to Taela to fight the Path, but after the Path was gone, she still stayed with us."

"For me?" he whispered.

"Jes, I want you to listen until I finish, will you do that?" Seraph said. "Promise."

"I promise."

"Your father told me she would not have stayed for you."

Jes surged to his feet and took a step away, and Seraph continued quickly. "He said she would have left as soon as she could because of you, and I told him she was staying to help me with the Ordered gems and because of the Shadowed."

"She'd have left because of me."

"Because she's worried for you. Will you listen?" She kept her voice soft.

"All right," he said, not looking at her - looking away from people while he talked to them was a habit of his. But he was not looking rather more pointedly than usual.

"You know there are very few Guardians who live as long as you have," she said. "Of those who survive adolescence, most are women. As you said, the Eagle Order comes only to empaths, for whatever reason. Yet the Eagle, of all the Orders, is the most prone to violence - something that no empath can live with easily."

"Stupid," said Jes, with understandable emphasis.

Seraph shrugged. "The Elder Wizards created the Stalker, Jes. I don't know of anything more stupid, do you? Maybe there is a good reason for the Guardian Order to be so difficult to bear, but I can see none."

He didn't say anything.

"The Travelers have tried a lot of things to help the Eagle," she continued. "When an Eagle is born, the child is adopted out to another clan. They believe strangers won't have a strong emotional attachment to a child who is not of their blood."

"Sorry you didn't have a clan to give me to," said Jes hotly.

"Jesaphi, that's enough." Seraph snapped. She had no patience for self-pity. She took a deep breath. "Do you know that when your father and I were first married, I thought I had made the wrong decision when I accepted his proposal. I was Raven and had abandoned my duties out of cowardice."

Jes turned to look at her, obviously surprised.

"I was a coward, Jes. I had responsibilities, and instead of trying to fulfill them, I hid in your father's shadow, where I was safe from the consequences of further failure. I hadn't saved my clan. I hadn't even managed to save my brother. I was afraid to fail again."