Primal Law (Alpha Pack #1)(59)

As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she'd crossed the line. Especially when a hoarse voice spoke from behind her.

"I'd never ask you to make such a horrible sacrifice. Don't worry. You won't be saddled with a filthy dog like me."

With that, Jax limped past the group. His cheeks were still pale and he was holding his stomach as he walked slowly across the waiting room and out the door.

Kira's face flamed, her heart aching with shame. And something else, a yearning for the man who'd left, looking more dejected than she'd ever seen anyone. She wanted to call him back, but the words had lodged in her throat like a melon.

She'd put her own feelings before the well-being of a good man. He could die, and she'd only thought of herself.

The scathing look she received from Dr. Mallory spoke volumes. "Why don't you take the rest of the afternoon off? Go see Jax and make things right."

"I will," she said softly.

Ducking her head, she rushed from the room. She had to apologize.

And somehow make him understand these feelings she didn't even comprehend herself.

Jaxon's stomach churned, and his head pounded. His throat, his whole body, felt like he was slowly being roasted in an oven, but those symptoms weren't the worst.

No, the worst was Kira's words still ringing in his brain. Cutting him off at the knees, bringing him lower than he'd ever been. Even after Afghanistan, with more than half his soldiers slaughtered. Or following the ambush on Alpha Pack, when Beryl had betrayed him.

I'm supposed to just hand my entire life over to a man who's half canine, and not really a man at all?

Not a man at all.

What else had he expected? But God, it hurt. So badly he wanted to curl up in the fetal position and die. A warrior and a shifter with special abilities, cut down by a woman's tongue as surely as if he'd been run through with a sword or shot between the eyes. The latter would be kinder than this.

Breathing through the pain-both kinds-he let himself into his apartment and headed for his room. Without bothering to remove his boots, he flopped onto his bed and lay on his side, covering his eyes. That's when he realized the burning in his throat wasn't all from the fever. Sweet Jesus, he hadn't cried in years and he wasn't about to give in now.

He'd dealt with a lot of shit and he'd deal with being rejected by his mate.

He would.

But that didn't stop the hot moisture from seeping between his lashes. Angrily, he rubbed his eyes, willing the ache to ease. Was this the reaction of the dirty dog, or the man? How sad that he didn't know.

Oh yeah, you're not a man, remember?

He heard a rapping at the door to his place. He lay there willing it to stop, but his visitor wasn't going away.

"Son of a bitch."

Hauling himself up, he started for the door. Halfway there, Kira's familiar scent wafted to him, freezing him in his tracks. If she'd come to apologize, he wasn't ready to listen to excuses.

Growling in frustration, he limped across the distance and yanked the door open, schooling his expression to appear calm. "What do you want?"

His curt greeting took her aback and she fidgeted nervously. "Can I come in? I really don't want to do this where someone might hear."

"Funny, you didn't have a problem with that in the clinic."

"Jax, please?" Her small face was pinched, blue eyes shadowed with worry.

He sighed. "I guess. Come in."

Leaving her to follow, he shuffled into the living room and sat on one end of the sofa. She took the other end, perching close to him but not touching. Since this was her dime, he let her struggle.

"Look, you don't know how sorry I am for what you heard," she began with difficulty. "But I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

He snorted an ugly laugh. "That I'm not a man? Really? I'd love to know how else to take that except you believe I'm an animal, or subhuman."

"No!" Leaning toward him, she clutched his knee. "That's not what I meant! I just find it sort of scary to learn that I don't have a say when it comes to you being my mate. That I have to be bound to someone for life because of biology, and not love."

He studied her, decided she was being honest. "I get that. But how do you know this attraction between us is not becoming love already?"

"How do I know it is, for absolute sure?" she countered. "I've never been serious about anyone before, not serious enough to marry or even live together. And then I suddenly learn that there's a whole world I never knew existed, and that the creatures of my childhood fables aren't so fictional after all. There was no time to adjust, to catch my breath. And then, bam! Sudden, life-altering changes and a man-and yes, you are a man, and I'm a jerk-a man is claiming me for his own. And, oh yeah, he and his friends are like critters out of a J. R. R. Tolkien novel, and I'm walking around half-expecting to run into Gollum looking for his precious!"

Her eyes were wide, cheeks flushed from the passion of her speech, blond hair framing her face. Damned if she wasn't the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

And f**k it all, he was going to forgive her.

Reaching out, he brushed back a pale strand. "Yeah," he said softly. "I guess that would pretty much mess with your day."

Arousal flared on her face, pupils dilating. Breath hitching, she scooted closer, capturing his hand. "Pretty much. Forgive me?"