Play It Safe(54)

Casey glared at Lenny then he shifted his glare to me.

Then he whispered, “I gave it all for you.”

That went in like the plunge of a blade but not for the reasons it used to.

And because of that, I returned, “And then I started giving it all for you. Difference is, I was twelve, Casey. I had no one else and I needed you. When I started giving, you were twenty and you just took it from me.”

My brother had it in him to wince before he kept at me.

“You’re all I’ve got.”

“I’m sorry, honey, but you aren’t all I have. Not anymore,” I replied quietly.

On my last word, Barry’s arms moved from around me and Gray’s arms took their place.

Casey’s eyes went up over my left shoulder then his face twisted and they came back to me.

“Did what I did because I loved you, sis.”

I knew that. Way back when, I knew it. Casey was everything to me and I was everything to him. Before we ran, we had a Mom who was less than nothing and we had a lot of troubles and a whole lot of nothing else.

All we had was each other.

But now that had changed.

“Then keep loving me and let me keep what I found,” I whispered.

I watched him swallow.

Gray’s arms got tight.

My eyes filled with tears.

Without another word, looking down to his feet, my brother turned away and walked out of the bar.

I knew he had no money, no skills, nothing.

I had no idea where he’d go, what he’d do, how he’d get there and how much trouble he’d catch when he landed wherever he landed.

And it killed me.

But one thing my brother Casey taught me was to look out for myself.

So the tears slid silently out of my eyes, down my cheeks and Gray turned me in his arms to face him. My arms closed around him, I shoved my face in his chest and I concentrated on that rather than running after my brother and giving him all of my money just to keep him safe for a little while.

Instead, for the first time since I was fifteen, I didn’t look out for my brother.

I cried in Gray’s arms and looked out for me.

* * * * *

“Dollface, know you’re awake.”

I blinked at the pillow, sighed and turned to face Gray.

He looked beautiful in the sunlight, in the moonlight, in the lights of the bar, in the light thrown from a TV.

But he never looked more beautiful than in the morning with his head on a pillow beside me.

“Hi,” I whispered, sliding my hands up his chest and his lips curved up.

“Hi,” he whispered back, his arm not around my shoving under me so both of them could gather me close.

He dipped his chin, I tipped my head back and he brushed his mouth on mine.

Then his hair slid across the pillow as he pulled slightly away but gathered me even closer.

“You doin’ okay?” he asked, his blue eyes studying me.

“No,” I answered honestly.

“You’ll get there,” he muttered.

I would. It would take some time but I would. And it would hurt but I would still get there.

“He’s a man,” Gray went on. “It’s time he acted like one, baby. Took care of his own shit. You still haven’t shared and I told you I’d wait, I’ll wait. But I know this, what you were doin’, and I get the impression you been doin’ it awhile, it is wild-ass luck you two made it this far without some kinda tragedy. And he’s a man. Those tragedies he could face are a far sight fewer and a far sight easier to move on from than what a woman could take. He put you out there. You. A miracle you didn’t get chewed up. You didn’t. Hold onto that. Hold onto the decent you carved out for yourself and let go of the shit.”

“He’s all I had for a long time, Gray,” I whispered.

“Yeah. And what you said last night is true. He’s not all you have anymore, Ivey. You’re with people who give a shit about you now.” When I opened my mouth to speak, his arms gave me a squeeze and he went on. “I mean give a shit about you in a healthy way not some f**ked up, dysfunctional way borne of whatever-the-f*ck you two had goin’ was borne of. I get that you love him. I get he’s your brother. I get that you worry about him. But he shoulda sorted his shit and yours a long time ago and I also get that this has come to you. Don’t let guilt and worry fog that, darlin’. You’re on the right path. Don’t allow him to veer you away.”

I held his eyes then, nodding, I dipped my chin and pressed my face to his throat.

Gray tilted his head back and sifted his fingers in my hair. Then he kept doing it.

I let him because I liked it, it was soothing and after he did this for awhile, I asked his throat, “You know what I wish?”

“I can guess, dollface, but tell me anyway.”

“I wish I’d met your Dad because I would like to have had the chance to meet the man who made a man like you.”

His hand stopped and his body went completely still.

My head tipped back and his tipped down and I saw instantly he didn’t guess correctly. His eyes held surprise and something else, something I’d never seen on him or anyone.

But whatever it was, it made the area around my heart get warm.

“Gray?” I called when he didn’t say anything.