Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2)(46)

“But when I was going to make a move in that direction and talk to you, and I saw you with that woman, well, I was not about to interrupt your…well, what you were doing. But I still wanted you to be happy. I wanted the best for you. Still do. But you were making it really difficult to be friends again. So I saw that damn flyer and had nothing else to do and hoped against hope that it was you in the play. But if it wasn’t, then I was going to face my fears and see you with the girl. And before you say it--yes, it turned out exactly the same way as the whip incident, except I am a lot less hung over. Although, tomorrow I will probably rectify that.”

She fell silent and realized they were at his house. They were parking in the garage. Krista hadn’t been paying attention to anything but her lame explanation, which apparently took a lot longer than she expected. It was extremely dark and she was extremely glad because she was crying frustrated tears.

“Are you with someone?” he asked, just barely above a whisper, effectively side-stepping her whole, horrible explanation.

“Me? No. Your sister asked that, too. Where did you get that idea? Are you believing rumors or something?”

“Guilty, I’m afraid. I have done a little spying on my own. You were so happy this last week. Marcus said you must have gotten a man because you had a glow. ‘Morning after glow’ he called it. The lights were never on in your bedroom when I drove by, and yes, I drove by a few times, so I thought you were probably at someone else’s house.”

The car was silent for a while before Krista chuckled in a self-deprecating way. “We are a couple of idiots. I was trying to be happy and upbeat in order to get it in my head to stop being a mope over you having someone else. Also, I wanted people to know I wasn’t a reclusive bitch so Mr. Montgomery couldn’t win likability votes over me. But mostly to put on a good face for you.”

Sean sighed and thumped his head against the head rest. “We are a couple of idiots all right.”

“What I don’t get is why you were so hostile? Why not just tell me it was acting instead of a new girl?”

Sean blew out a breath, “When I heard you’d been gossiping about me…”

“It was brought to me!” she interrupted in defense. “Since I was on my way to see you, it was brought up. I only asked for more information because I was, ah…worried.”

It was a hedge. She didn’t want to reveal all her cards by saying hurt. Not just yet. Or maybe, not ever.

Sean was quiet a second, then said, “I didn’t know that. I’m no stranger to gossip, as you know. For the most part it doesn’t bother me; I can ignore it. That’s because no one knows the real me except Ray. No one can do any lasting damage. Except now… there’s you. You’re a lot closer than—let’s just say I was equally…worried. And I handled it badly. Please forgive me for that.”

Krista shrugged in the darkness, “Hindsight. I should have explained a little better.”

“What started all this? Where did we go wrong?”

“When you said not to tell anyone we were friends.”

“Oh.” He snorted. “That was the problem. Huh. I remember perfectly. On the tail end of you mentioning Marcus, I believe what I said was that I didn’t want anyone to know we spent a lot of time together.”

“Yeah. Same thing.”

“No. Not the same thing. I didn’t want people at work to know we spent time together because they would immediately think I was ha**ng s*x with you. I have a reputation, as you well know. I didn’t, and still don’t, want you tainted by that. And it would be a taint, mark my words. But my sister and Ray know how much time I spend with you. They’re the closest people on earth to me. They know what you are to me.”

“What I am? You mean, a head case with terrible past horrors that you don’t want to touch?”

“Who says I don’t want to touch you?” he asked quietly. So quietly the words were almost lost. When Krista did hear it, though, it was like a feather tickled her skin.

“The night I told you about...the Ex. We kissed, but when it could have gotten real, you ran.”

“I had just finished telling you I wasn’t like your ex-boyfriend. Did you expect me to then take advantage of you? What kind of a guy does that?”

“You also stayed well clear of me after that.”

“And now you come to my issues… Instead of legitimate problems like you have, I have parental issues. I have parents that basically decided having kids was the pits, and being with each other was worse. My sister and I were left to fend for ourselves—except when our parents were using us to throw in each other’s face for their life going wrong. I am dependable since I practically raised Cassie, but when it came to relationship role models, I have nothing but emotional sabotage. All I’ve ever wanted was stability, but you wouldn’t know it from the whirlwind of havoc I wreak. I don’t mean to do it, but I am all over the place, and before I know it, I’ve chased the girl away.

“I’m trying--have been trying--to grow up and think about my actions. It’s hard, though. Being the womanizer is so much easier. And it’s expected of me, as I said. So I fall back into that. Except with you--you wouldn’t allow me to. I lost that crutch early. So with you I’ve had to be real and truthful. To you and to myself.”