Once Bitten (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #1)(43)

I waited in stark silence. After a moment, I reached for the exit to the street, expecting no response. With a series of crackles, the intercom blared to life. Shaz’s voice sounded fuzzy and far away.

“It’s me,” I said uncertainly. A deafening buzz indicated that the security door was unlocked.

I waited for the elevator as I nervously rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. I can’t count how many times I arranged and then re-arranged my hair on the short ride to the second floor. My heart raced. I stepped into the hall, and the elevator doors slid shut behind me.

Deep breath.

He had cracked open the door in anticipation of my entrance. I worked hard to keep my footsteps even. My legs felt like jelly. As I grew near, I took in the overwhelming scents of coffee, fresh laundry, and Shaz. With a light knock, I went inside.

“Hey.” He looked up from where he stood loading the dishwasher. His smile was friendly, but I could see the reserve within it. “How are you?”

I closed the door behind me, kicked off my shoes, and left the false comfort of the entryway. My smile was forced, and I knew that he would see right through it.

“I’ve been better. You?”

I willed myself to hold it together as my throat grew tight. He knew me too well. Despite the awkwardness, something in his stance changed. His eyes softened, and he put down the plate he was holding.

I would not cry. I repeated the words in my head as if to will them to be true. A guilty little piece of me didn’t want his sympathy. I didn’t deserve it. His compassion would be my undoing.

He crossed the small space between us in a few strides. A finger under my chin drew my gaze to his, and I looked into his calm, sea green eyes. I hated myself for the concern etched in their depths.

“Tell me,” he spoke softly. He searched my eyes intently.

Between fighting the emotional outbursts that threatened, I told him everything: Raoul’s advance and how I had scared us both, the strangeness of the power exchange, and the vampire who’d wanted Arys dead. I caught a glimpse of satisfaction on Shaz’s face when I mentioned the hit job on Arys, but he hid it before I could be certain.

Before I saw it coming, Shaz pulled me into his arms. I expected his embrace to be stiff or distant, but instead, it was warm and inviting. The hand that gently stroked my hair was more possessive than I ever remembered it being.

“You are not Superwoman, Alexa,” he said at last. “Stop feeling like you have to take care of everyone. It’s not all within your control.”

He took my hand in his and led me into the living room. I sat down on the noisy leather couch while he produced a mug of hot coffee from the kitchen.

“Thank you.” I stared into the hot, creamy liquid. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be here. I have no right to show up here crying on your shoulder.”

“Of course you do. We’re pack. We’re friends.” He smiled, and his voice had dropped lower when he added, “You know I always wanted to be your other half.”

My heart twisted in my chest, and my next breath actually hurt. Unable to speak, I squeezed his hand and wished that he knew what he really meant to me, though it was still hard to come to terms with myself. Why must I make one hell of a mistake to realize what I should have already known?

“If I could take it back…” I choked on my words. “It would be you.”

“Stop punishing yourself. Self-loathing doesn’t look good on you, Lex. You’re a free woman, and I don’t have the right to make you feel like you did something wrong.”

“But, I did. And, I’m afraid that it cost me more than I even know.”

“Like what?” He edged closer, and I was lost in the clean, natural scent of him.

“You.”

Silence. The beat of my heart echoed in my ears. I longed to touch him, but I feared that he would pull away. Instead, I kept my hands to myself.

Time stopped.

For one magical moment, he kissed me with such fervor that I spilled my coffee on the beige carpet. I pulled him closer but allowed him to control the kiss. My head was a mass of confusion, but right then, it just felt so naturally perfect. I felt like I was learning a lesson in head versus heart. He nuzzled my throat and breathed in my scent. I melted against him.

“You know what I think?” He whispered after what felt like a long time. “I think you should tell Raoul that he’s on his own now. Don’t risk yourself for something he brought on himself.”

Shaz was ticked over Raoul’s unwelcome advances, which pleased me regardless of our situation.

“I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“There’s no sense trying to help him. For all we know, he really deserves what’s coming to him.”

“Maybe.” I nodded. Raoul certainly wasn’t the nicest guy. I could believe that someone would have a just grudge against him.

Since I continued to anguish, Shaz changed the subject. “Hey, why don’t we order pizza for lunch? We can hang out here and watch talk shows all day like we used to. Maybe play some video games?”

I smiled at the memory. We’d once spent an entire week like that. In the heart of a Canadian winter, the blizzards had kept traffic off the highways. Commuters were stuck at home that week, a weeklong snow day for Stony Plain.

“Sounds great. Chicken and mushroom with honey garlic wings?” I was surprisingly hungry at the mention of food. “And some pizza bread.”